Trouble is a Friend of Mine

Musgrave appeared. ‘Mr Digby, Ms Webster.’ He said the Ms with a hard Z to make sure I knew he didn’t like me either. ‘Working hard on your independent study?’


‘You know, Harlan, I find working lunches distract me from the fine culinary offerings of our hardworking kitchen crew. I understand Jojo and Barb worked especially hard on reheating today’s meatloaf.’ Digby folded an entire bear claw into his mouth and smiled.

‘You call me Mr Musgrave.’ He slapped away the second pastry Digby was holding. ‘And surprise, smarty-mouth, your project needs two faculty members to grade it, and guess who just signed up to do it.’

My stomach took a dive.

‘Now, I don’t know how you’ve conned your way this far into your academic career, but I can tell you that streak is over.’ Musgrave didn’t care that people were staring. He pounded on our table, his neck-rolls bright red and bulging out of his collar. ‘That’s right. December twenty-first, last day of the semester, I expect to see that report typed up on my desk or I personally get to add an F to your transcripts. See this?’ Musgrave’s index finger made a pressing motion over and over. ‘That’s me hitting the F key on my keyboard.’

An F on my transcript. I was going to vomit.

‘Well, we’ll try not to disappoint you, Mr Musgrave.’ Digby gave him an extra-wide smile.

Musgrave swiped at the apple Digby was now holding but Digby saw him coming and pulled back so Musgrave’s hand instead hit a carton of chocolate milk. One huge gush fell on my computer’s keyboard and an arc of chocolate milk splashed across Musgrave’s suit. Some kids slow-clapped. Musgrave grabbed some napkins from Digby’s tray and ran out, cursing and wiping the front of his suit.

‘Wait until he realizes there’s a bunch of gravy somewhere in those napkins,’ Digby said.

I tipped chocolate milk out of my keyboard. Maybe it would be fine.

‘That’s why I keep all my important stuff in this.’ Digby waved his little black notebook. ‘Any idea how many times I’ve spilled chocolate milk on this?’

‘Teachers can’t pick on students. That’s harassment,’ I said. ‘Or assault … he hit you.’

‘Bet he rehearsed that whole shakedown in the mirror.’

‘Why does he hate you so much?’

‘Told you. People in this town have a beef with me.’

‘I don’t get that. You’re the victim.’

I froze. I couldn’t believe I’d said that.

He’d frozen too.

‘Digby, I’m so sorry … I was googling and …’

‘You know what? Don’t even worry about it. Small town, big story, you were bound to find out.’

‘I didn’t mean to –’

‘Bygones. Anyway, some FBI profiler told the media that in many disappearance cases, a family member’s involved. The cops couldn’t make that stick to any of us, so everyone here thinks we’ve gotten away with something,’ Digby said. ‘Musgrave was an actual cop back then. The night Sally disappeared, he was assigned to watch me. He took me to my parents’ room, turned on the TV, gave me M&Ms, and went through the closets – illegal search, by the way. I was seven, but I knew that, so I told on him.’ Digby bit his apple as if that were the end of the story.

‘Then what happened?’

‘Well. To this day, I can’t eat M&Ms without gagging … which is sad, because I used to love them,’ Digby said. ‘Speaking of shakedowns … check it out. Behind you.’

Digby had completely moved on to the next thing. I turned. ‘I don’t see anything.’

‘Beside the table of cheers.’

Dominic Tucker and Felix Fong were the only people at the table by the cheerleaders. Dominic was a moron football player who shaved his number into his hair. He howled ‘Aggro!’ (as in aggressive) after huddles and before every swirlie or atomic wedgie he gave some poor nerd. Felix Fong was one such nerd. Felix was the school genius whose parents thought they were doing him a favor by skipping him three grades. I heard he audited a college electrodynamics course. I googled electrodynamics and ended up even more confused.

‘Not exactly big news. Jock bullying nerd in cafeteria,’ I said.

‘Except that’s not what’s happening,’ Digby said.

‘What are you talking about? He’s practically sitting on poor Felix Fong, who looks like he’s crapped his pants.’

‘I mean that’s not all that’s happening. Bullies like an audience. This conversation’s way too quiet.’

Meanwhile, my computer screen went white, then black.

‘Oh, no! I just got this,’ I said. ‘It’s fried. What are the chances Musgrave will pay for this?’

Digby barely looked my way. He was watching Dominic and Felix. ‘Zero.’

‘What are the chances he’ll give me an F if I complain to the principal?’

‘Like, a hundred percent. But you might as well since he’s going to fail you anyway because you’re partners with me.’

‘That’s just great. So what about my computer?’