Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘In this state, a misdemeanor offense,’ Holloway said.

Digby turned back to Henry and me. ‘He was filming patients and posting it online. This guy seriously deserves prison time. Besides, the misdemeanor will come off our records when we’re eighteen. In a way, it’s a good deal. We’re not even getting busted for the crime we did commit.’

‘I know that in your head, that totally made sense, but now you’ve said it, you do realize it’s actually totally insane, right?’ I said.

‘Come on, guys, let’s do the right thing,’ Digby said.

‘You don’t care about doing the right thing. You just want to read your mom’s file,’ I said.

‘That’s true. But you care. It’s your civic duty,’ he said.

‘Civic duty? I hate this town,’ I said.

‘I don’t hate this town,’ Henry said.

‘Two against one, Princeton.’ When I shook my head and stood fast, Digby said, ‘Don’t be a Squidward.’

Squidward? I gave Holloway and Cooper the nod.

‘Now we have to bust you for vandalism in a way the DA will believe,’ Holloway said. ‘It would’ve been better if we’d found incriminating evidence in plain sight. But I guess that’d be too good to be true.’

‘Hm … plain sight, you say?’ Digby whacked my hoodie. The can of snow spray flew out of the pocket and rolled up to Holloway’s toes. ‘Plain enough?’

Mom came straight from singles Scrabble and turned up at the police station wearing what she calls her Minnie-Mouse- knows-what-Victoria’s-Secret-is dress. When Officers Holloway and Cooper brought us in to booking, Mom was sitting on a bench with some women who were handcuffed.

‘What’s all this?’ Holloway asked a uniformed officer.

‘Brothel raid on William. These lovely ladies are waiting to get booked,’ the uniformed officer said.

These women weren’t in the normal uniform of plastic platform heels, short shorts, and bad makeup. They looked like normal women who’d put on special red lipstick for a night out. Kinda like Mom. Which is probably why Holloway turned tough-cop again when Mom got up and walked to me.

‘Step back.’ Alarmingly, Holloway put one hand on her holster. ‘Yo, why isn’t this suspect restrained?’

‘Whoa, wait. She’s my mom,’ I said. But that just deepened the misunderstanding.

‘Your mom’s a –’ Cooper said.

‘What? No! I just sat down on that bench,’ Mom said. ‘Never mind. I got a call about my daughter, but no one told me what the problem was.’

To his credit, Cooper looked uncomfortable with the lie we were about to tell. Holloway put on her bossy face and made herself taller to tell it.

‘We found a defaced chiropractor’s office and a can of snow spray in your daughter’s possession and brought her in for misdemeanor vandalism,’ Holloway said.

‘Vandalism? Zoe? I don’t believe that,’ Mom said.

‘Believe it,’ Holloway said.

‘I don’t appreciate your tone,’ Mom said.

Cooper inserted himself. ‘Please. Excuse my partner. It’s been a long night. What she meant to say is –’

‘Don’t apologize for me, Cooper,’ Holloway said.

‘I’m not apologizing for you,’ Cooper said.

‘You’re not apologizing? Because someone should,’ Mom said.

Cooper caught Digby’s eye.

‘Go on. I want to see how you get out of this,’ Digby said.

The station doors burst open. A lady holding a sleeping baby ran straight for Henry, screaming so loud and fast, it took me a while to figure out she wasn’t speaking English. She jammed her finger in Henry’s face and ended her rant with a smack to the upside of his head.

‘Signomi, Mama,’ Henry said.

‘Hello, Hestia, long time no see,’ Digby said.

She smacked Digby on the upside too. ‘You call me Thia Hestia.’ She pointed at Holloway. ‘What are you saying these boys do?’

‘They vandalized a chiropractor’s office,’ Holloway said.

‘You have proof? I want to see proof. You show me proof. This is America.’

‘We found a can of spray snow in her possession –’

‘So she do it. My son has no can so why you arrested him?’ Mrs Petropoulos said. ‘These are good boys! Maybe this one, she is bad influence.’

‘Hey! I guarantee this wasn’t my daughter’s idea,’ Mom said.

‘They’re not under arrest, technically. We’re writing citations. They have to appear in court, but until then, we’re releasing them to a parent or guardian,’ Holloway said.

‘Filipos. Is that Val coming?’ Mrs Petropoulos asked Digby.

‘Well, Val’s redoing the fireplaces at our country house …’ Digby said.

‘That mother of yours.’ She handed a well-worn piece of paper to Holloway and pointed at Digby. ‘I take care of this one also.’

‘Power of attorney. Old but it still works,’ Holloway said.

‘We go now.’ Mrs Petropoulos grabbed the power of attorney from Holloway, the citations from Cooper, and Henry by the collar even though he was a head taller than her.