The dark room, coupled with her soft, melodic voice in my ear could’ve almost convinced me that she was with me while I lay in bed. But the heat of the phone against my face and the cool sheets next to me were enough to disprove the illusions I tried telling myself. In the four days since she’d come to the house, we’d spent two of those nights on the phone, and the other two texting. I would’ve taken any form of communication, including carrier pigeons, but nothing—aside from having her here—beat the sound of her voice.
“So how’d she take it?” I closed my eyes and pictured her—her long, curly hair, hypnotic blue eyes, and the lips I couldn’t stop dreaming about. I tried to imagine what she was doing while she talked to me on the phone, if she were in bed or sitting on the couch. But as soon as I realized how far away she was, I had to push the picture out of my head.
“I’m not really sure. I wasn’t with her when they talked about it. Bryn thought it would be best if I wasn’t in the room, and since she’s the professional therapist and all, I agreed. Mom’s been so wrapped up in making up for lost time and reconnecting that having me there when she learned about her husband might distract her from dealing with the situation at hand.”
Her mom had been released from the hospital this morning and moved to a rehabilitation center for her hip. She had been awake for a week, and with each passing day, her concern for her husband’s whereabouts grew exponentially. Finally, realizing she couldn’t avoid it once the discharge papers were signed, Jade contacted the psychologist her mom had used in conjunction with equine therapy and brought her up to speed on the arrest.
“I’m going to visit her tomorrow, but I have no clue what to say. Do I bring it up? Wait for her to say something? She has so much going on right now, and I worry this will just make everything worse. Her number-one priority should be getting better, but it hasn’t been. I think she’s put too much focus on having Aria and me around that her healing has taken a back seat, and I hate that. Now with this going on, it’s just one more thing to pile on her plate.”
I tried to bite my tongue, fully aware of her stance on the matter, but I loved her too much to hold back. I only had the best intentions for her, and she had the same for her mom. “Now that she knows about his arrest and what it was for, it should be easier to tell her about what he did to you.”
She huffed, and I worried I’d pushed too hard. I couldn’t risk her hanging up, but her mental health was more important to me than how often I got to talk to her. “It doesn’t change anything, Cash. There could be a hundred girls coming forward saying he’d done the same to them, and it still wouldn’t lessen the guilt she’d have about me. You’re not a parent, so you wouldn’t understand, but if anything ever happened to Aria and I hadn’t protected her, I’d hate myself. And even worse, if she’d been hurt because of someone I’d introduced into her life…” She didn’t even need to finish her statement; I understood it all too well.
“I may not have conceived a child, but that doesn’t mean I can’t comprehend that kind of pain. It doesn’t mean I can’t put myself in her shoes. And I’m not disagreeing with you, babe. I get that you have the best intentions for your mom, but you’re not looking at the entire picture. This relationship you’re building with her has been founded on a lie. You’re aware of it, yet you’re not doing anything to correct it. Not to mention, you deserve to heal just as much as she does. Keeping this secret won’t make anything better for you. You’re trying to protect her, fine, but someone needs to look out for you. That’s all I’m doing.”
“She can’t change the past, so what’s the point in telling her? If she had just done something that hurt me, I can see the value of being honest—to make her aware of her actions and hope she learns from it and doesn’t repeat it again. But she can’t do that with this. What good would come from it? So she doesn’t marry another pervert who’d take advantage of me? It’s a little late for that.”
“It’s not too late for Aria.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s behind bars for sexual assault. But those charges won’t keep him there forever. Doesn’t Aria have a right to be protected from him when she gets older? Your mom may not have been able to stop him from doing those things to you, but now she has a chance to keep him from doing the same to your daughter—her granddaughter. Plus, doesn’t she have a right to know she’s married to a pedophile? Shouldn’t she get to make the decision if she wants to stay with him or not after he gets out?”
Jade was silent, nothing but wisps of her exhales filtering through the line, and I knew I’d gotten to her.
“You really need to stop looking at this as what it’ll do to your mom. You need to see it as the effects it has on you. Keeping the secret versus confronting it, and then moving on as a family, healing together. Maybe you should talk to that Bryn woman about it, see what she thinks.”
“One thing at a time, Cash.” This was the beginning of the end to our conversation, I could tell. “And right now, I’m more concerned about her getting better and working through her feelings about the arrest.”
“Can you just do me a favor? Think about how you felt when you found out I had lied to you about what I do for a living. And keep in mind I couldn’t just come out with the truth. Doing so would’ve potentially put my team and the entire organization—not to mention, the country—at risk.”
She was quiet for a moment, and I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. I only hoped she had truly heard what I said. “Did your ex-wife know?”
“No, I never told her. To be honest, I never considered it.”
“Did you ever think about telling me?”
I didn’t need the time to contemplate my answer, but I took it anyway. “There were times when I did. When I’d come back from a particularly bad week and felt like if I held it all in for one more second, I’d implode. But then I wouldn’t say anything because the thought of you leaving was worse than what my secret would do to me, so I kept it to myself and just learned to settle for the comfort of your presence.”
“Ever wonder what life would be like if you had told your wife the truth?”
“I think it worked out the way it was meant to…it brought me to you. But I will admit that lying to you has come with far more emotional damage than I expected, and I don’t wish the same for you. This is the time to open up and let her in, to offer her the opportunity to be there for you. I know that hurts you a lot—that you tried to get her attention and it didn’t work. You wanted her to hold you then, and you deserve that now… Hell, she deserves the chance to do that now. Your time of healing has come. Don’t make the same mistake I did and let it pass you by.”
“I just can’t, Cash,” she said with a long sigh. “I see your point, but the two aren’t the same. Your reasons for not telling me the truth aren’t comparable to mine. But I do understand what you’re trying to say.”
“You really should talk it over with Bryn. Hopefully, she can help facilitate the closure.”
“Thanks, Cash.” My name was followed by a yawn, and I knew I didn’t have much longer with her tonight.