The elation that exuded from him tore me apart. I hated being the bad guy, hated to hurt anyone, which was why I’d chosen to make the trip when he wouldn’t be home. I couldn’t face him. It was no secret he wanted to talk, but I had nothing to say to him. Eventually, we’d have to have a conversation about it, but not while I was still caring for my mother.
“She’s in Fort Pierce with Stevie. Derek had to go to Tampa, so he dropped me off on his way, because my car’s here. I’m not staying. I just had to get a few things. You took everything with you, and all I had were a few outfits and pull-ups for Aria. You weren’t supposed to be home. You were supposed to be at…at work. Or whatever it is you do during the week. I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with networks or towers.”
“I was suspended for three weeks.” Disbelief dripped from his tone, yet it wasn’t caused by his suspension. “Why haven’t you answered my calls or texts? I couldn’t get ahold of you, and it’s had me worried. I even tried Stevie. At least she answered, but you were never there; she promised she’d take a message. The ICU doesn’t accept calls, and no one there would tell me anything about your mom. I’ve been here…alone…worried sick.”
“I was busy. I’ve had a lot going on.”
“How is she?”
“My mom? She’s good. Alive…and that’s all that matters.” I meant to stop there, give him the answer to his question and be done with it, but I couldn’t. I’d needed someone to talk to, and while Stevie was such an amazing friend to help me out, it just didn’t feel the same. Even though she’d always been my best friend, talking to her made me realize things had changed—not between us, but with that particular role in my life. Someone else had filled those shoes, someone who wasn’t there to listen because I’d pushed him away. “She woke up on Sunday, and all the tests and scans have come back clear. Now it’s just waiting for her body to heal. She has a fractured hip and some bruises, but those aren’t permanent, so I can’t complain.”
The scruff on his face made him appear darker, his skin more sun kissed. And his eyes weren’t as black as I was used to; now they almost shined like polished coal. There was a sadness to him, but as he stood in front of me, it was like the weight of the world had fallen off his back and he could breathe again.
“I take it things are going well for you two?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t fight the smile, so I didn’t even try. However, I did drop my gaze while I offered more. “She was really happy to see me. I found out she’s been in therapy, has been since I moved out. I had no idea. That’s actually what she was doing at the stables—equine therapy. This entire time I thought she didn’t want me around, like she was embarrassed by me, but that wasn’t it at all.”
I’d always known that everything—even down to the decision to cut me off financially once I had Aria—had all been his ideas. He’d told her she needed to be strict with me and not coddle me, that I needed “tough love.” But my biggest problem had always been that she’d listened to him instead of doing what was right.
“Apparently, she used to fight with my stepdad a lot over how to handle me. She didn’t think his method was working, but as soon as I got pregnant and stopped acting out, he used that as proof that she was wrong. He said it was more important that I behaved than her and I having a close relationship. She didn’t get along with her mom, so he told her she shouldn’t be concerned about whether or not we did.”
“He won’t ever hurt you again.” His voice was so soft it coated me like cotton. He came closer and gently lifted my chin so he could see my eyes.
This man had meant so much to me, and now I had no idea where I stood. The need for a little entertainment in my life had sent me to him, which had provided a friend, then someone I found comfort in before he’d turned into more. My feelings for him had changed, morphed into something bone-deep, and even though I was lost in a constant state of confusion over who he truly was, that feeling seemed to remain embedded in me.
“I know.” And I did. I fully trusted that he wouldn’t touch me after Cash and his friends had their way with him. I hadn’t seen him since that night, but I also hadn’t gone to the house. If I wasn’t at the hospital with my mom, I was at Stevie’s. And anytime Mom had asked about him, I told her the truth—I didn’t know where he was. The reason I didn’t know was because I refused to ask. Honestly, I wouldn’t have cared if he’d been hauled out into international waters and tossed overboard with cement blocks around his ankles, but that didn’t mean I wanted the confirmation. There was no way I would’ve been able to bring myself to admit that I’d moved my daughter out of a child molester’s house and into the home of a murderer.
“And Aria? Is she okay?” That was all it took to completely shatter my heart.
I refused to tell him that she’d spent all week asking for him. And he’d never find out how much it had killed me to hear it. He didn’t deserve it, not after Friday night. “She’s good. Happy. If Stevie’s home, she stays with her, and if not, she comes to the hospital with me. My mom has been desperately trying to make up for lost time with her and has spent most nights crying and apologizing for the way everything happened…for not being there for us.”
“Did you tell her?”
He didn’t have to clarify what he meant. “No. And I never will.”
“You never plan to explain it to her?”
I shook my head and inhaled deeply, needing a moment before giving him my reasons. I was confident in my decision, but I didn’t care to listen to him disagree. “She blames herself for so much. She convinced herself that after my dad died, she’d spent too long grieving and didn’t give me the proper attention I needed. I was a child—her child—who’d lost a parent, and for a while, I’d lost both. So in her mind, my rebellious actions as a teen were caused by her brief absence during a time I needed her. And she feels I left because she wouldn’t help me.”
“That should give you more reason to tell her the truth—to keep her from believing everything was her fault.”
“If I tell her what really happened, the reason behind the crap I pulled in high school and leaving, all it’ll do is move the blame from her to him. But then she’ll feel guilty for marrying him, saying it’s her fault I was abused. I would rather her believe I acted out when I was younger because she was too busy dealing with the death of my father, and believe I’m so selfish that I moved out because she wouldn’t give me money, than to dump the responsibility of my abuse in her lap.”
He nodded, and for the first time since stepping into the room, his attention moved away from me. He glanced over my shoulder to the bed, and the moment he spotted the small suitcase, his forehead creased. The softness of his brow had grown taut, and it cast a shadow over his eyes.