Eventually, I remove myself to pop out to the kitchen for a drink. Maybe if I can give myself a silent pep talk, I can stop acting like such a wanker. Just as I close the fridge door, Rey’s face appears from behind it.
“So, you and Vi?” she asks, leaning her back on the fridge and crossing her inked arms over her chest.
I crack the top on the can of soda in my hands. My jaw clenches in annoyance because this feels wrong on so many levels. I shrug my shoulders, dismissively opting to remain silent.
She frowns. “What? You’re not going to tell me anything?” Her tone is defensive.
“I don’t see how it’s any of your business.” I turn and lean back on the counter to face her, taking a cool drink.
“I just think it’s odd that you told me only a couple of weeks ago that you’re putting yourself first and focusing all your efforts on you. Then I see you holding hands and cosying up to this blonde you barely know.” She gestures flippantly toward the living room where I left Vi with everyone else.
My temper flares. “She’s not just a fucking blonde, Rey. She’s got a damn name and you bloody well know it. Stop acting as if she’s some random bird I picked up at a pub. And you’re one to talk!”
“What do you mean?”
“You were a fucking mess too and you got engaged!” I accuse, not because I’m jealous, but because I’m defensive. “What did your therapist say about that?”
She recoils. “Liam and I had history.”
“Don’t remind me.” I cringe thinking about the fact that Liam and my sister nearly got engaged when they were together at Oxford. It makes me ill to think of Rey with him, truthfully. I’m all for unconventional love stories, but fuck me…don’t come over here acting all self-righteous when you’re the pot calling the kettle black. “Regardless, none of this is your concern.”
“Oh, excuse me for being a friend!” she snaps.
“You and I aren’t friends anymore, Rey.” I set my can down and cross my arms, mirroring her subliminal shield of armour.
“Not by my choice!” she shouts. “I miss you, Hayden!”
“Oh please,” I laugh with shock. “You wouldn’t even be talking to me if Liam was here and you know it. If he were here, he’d be sulking in the corner watching us like a hawk.”
“Knock it off. Liam isn’t like that. He understands what you and I are.”
“You and I were a fucking mess, Rey. Were. Don’t build us up to be more than we were.”
Her eyes narrow with barely contained fury. “We were best friends, Hayden,” she says in slow, warning tones.
“You made me weak, Rey!” I roar, feeling like for the first time I’ve finally pegged exactly what Reyna Miracle was to me all those years. “You made me fragile. And you bring me right back to the sod all mess I was all those years ago and I don’t fucking want it.” Her jaw drops in shock, only infuriating me more. “We were never best friends. You said it yourself on that park bench. We know nothing about each other, so you can’t possibly throw that card at me now.”
Her grey eyes well with tears. I flinch, “Fuck, Rey. I’m sorry. I’m not blaming you for everything, especially not for what I did to myself. It was my own fault. I just need you to understand that you cannot have a say in my life anymore. And you cannot use our past against me.”
She swipes hastily at her eyes, and I have to fight every urge in my body that wants to go to her and comfort her…rub that spot on her neck that I know soothes her almost instantly. It’s a reflex with Rey. Comforting her. She craves my comfort like a crutch and I let her use me that way for so many years. Maybe we both have addictions to fight?
She sets her jaw angrily and turns, storming out of the kitchen. When I watch her leave, I find Vi and Leslie standing in the entryway staring at the scene that just transpired. Both their jaws are dropped.
Fuck.
Anger pulses through me at the fact that Rey can go off on me like that and then act all wounded when I get real with her. I stride over and motion for Leslie to follow me. I can’t even bring myself to look at Vi right now.
“Hayden, what the fuck?” Leslie says, following me out the front door and into the gated patio area on the face of the house. It’s completely shrouded in ivy, similar to how my heart is shrouded in shame.
“Fuck, Leslie. I don’t know what to bloody do!” I exclaim with a forced whisper so no one can hear me. “My mind is spinning and I’m a fucking mess. A lot of what Rey said was true. I was going to focus on myself, yet here I am acting like a normal fucking bloke with a new girlfriend!”
“You are a normal bloke, Hayden!” Leslie cries. “Don’t let Rey’s insecurities tell you otherwise. She has her own demons to fight.”