Mandy went still. This was the first time he’d ever offered to help. “Are you up to that?”
He nodded. “I’m ready.” He caught her around the waist and looked into her eyes. “You got a bum deal with me, Em. I’m ready to work on what I have to do to be healthy—and to be the man you and Zavi and the new baby need me to be. Which is something I should have done a long time ago. I may need a full reset every now and then.” He sighed. “There are days when the best I may be able to do is follow you around in goddamned circles like some of your clients. I’m willing if you still are.”
She got off the hay bale and took hold of his face. “Thank you for fighting for us.”
“Thank you for fighting for me.” He brought her close for a kiss that he wasn’t in a hurry to end.
*
The next morning, after his visit with Kimble, Rocco sat on one of the benches at Mandy’s memorial garden. The sound of the falling water was soothing. There was an odd silence inside him that let him hear the water. He couldn’t remember when his spirit had last been this peaceful. Not ever, maybe.
Mandy had been right to build this little garden. It was a pleasant place to think about things. He gave himself the freedom to do just that. Kimble had said it was important to bring up each memory, good or bad, joyous or painful, consider it, then let it go. He could wait and do that tomorrow when the shrink visited, but he was ready to do that now.
Kadisha came to mind, unbidden as usual. He wondered what things would have been like if she hadn’t done what she had. If she and their baby had survived and come to the U.S. with him. Zavi had bonded so thoroughly with Mandy—that was at least one positive that had come out of all the tragedy.
Rocco knew he was going to have to accept the part he’d played in Kadisha’s death, and the way she chose to end her life…and that of all the villagers. Had she not done that, their baby would have been about a year old by now. He smiled, wondering if the baby would have been like Zavi, talking before she could walk.
Other memories came to mind as soon as his chokehold on them eased. Like the day that Kadisha had told him they were expecting their second child. She’d been so nervous, even though he’d been happy. He told himself at the time that it meant he could distance himself a little from Kadisha, but that wasn’t the truth. He was genuinely happy to have another child. He had to let himself accept that now.
He remembered how things had changed in the village after that. The women looked at him in odd ways, as if they knew his secret. Another memory flashed through his mind, about a conversation he’d overheard. The two women spoke far more freely than they would have had they known he was listening. But he was always listening. He was paid to listen, and sometimes women knew as much as their husbands about battle plans and soldier movements.
But this convo had been about Kadisha’s pregnancy. They wondered if she were farther along than she thought. One woman said perhaps she was having twins, but the other shot that down, as twins didn’t run in the Halim family.
Rocco leaned forward and put his face in his hands as he tried to remember everything about that conversation. Energy zinged through him as the implications of that woman’s offhand comment hit home. Rocco had been away with Kadisha’s dad for three months prior to the homecoming reunion when he and Kadisha had had sex. If she were farther along than two months, then he wasn’t the father of their child.
He shot to his feet and started walking in a circle around the fountain. He’d asked Kadisha about how far along she was that night after overhearing the women. She laughed it off, telling him again that they’d conceived that night he returned and asking if he didn’t remember how large a baby Zavi was. Still Rocco had been concerned. Their village was a long way from any western medical facility; if she had problems with her pregnancy, they might lose the baby. He’d made arrangements for one of her aunt and uncles to take her to visit the camp of some Doctors Without Borders a day’s drive away.
She seemed so happy when she returned, saying the doctors had confirmed her expected due date. He hadn’t thought anything more about it. Until now.
Had the doctor actually confirmed her due date?
Or had she let Ehsan seduce her? Had she blown herself up to hide the results of her infidelity to him?
Rocco jogged over to his truck, then drove over to Blade’s and went straight up the access tunnel leading directly to the bunker. He pressed his palm to the security panel, unlocking the big steel doors. Max was already coming into the short hallway from the ops room.
Rocco looked at him, catching his wary gaze. “I need your help.”
“Name it,” Max said without hesitation.