She sat up straight, then arched her back. Her hands gripped his on her breasts. Her eyes were shut, but he could read the pleasure in her face. Her hips bucked once, then ground against him in fast, tight movements.
He pulled his hands free and held her hips as he pushed deep inside her, pumping hard, feeling his impending release. He groaned as it broke free, pulsing into her. When the fever passed, he realized he was sitting up, holding her body against his. Her legs were still spread over his lap. He rubbed his hands over her back, loving the feel of her soft, warm skin.
“Ready for that shower?”
She nodded. He eased her from his lap, then stood and kicked free of his jeans and briefs. He turned the shower on and waited for it to warm up. When it did, he held her close in the water, separating only long enough to wash.
“I’m sorry I left, Rocco.”
“Don’t be. I needed a kick in the ass. Your leaving helped me hit the bottom of the barrel.”
“Yeah, well, that kick in the ass was almost the end of you.”
Rocco caught her hands and held them in his. He stared down at her face. “If things had ended differently, it would have been my fault, my decision. Not yours. Nothing you could do could make me want to end my life.”
She blinked. Her nostrils briefly flared as if she fought a wave of emotion. The shower water streamed down on them. “Why did you decide to go?”
He shook his head. It was all still so raw inside him. He bent and kissed her neck. “I can’t talk about it, Em. Not yet.”
She held his gaze, trying to understand what that meant. “Is it going to come back?”
“No. I’ve made my decision. Will other demons surface? Maybe.”
She took his face in her hands. “Promise me, Rocco, that if it does, before it eats you alive, you’ll talk to me. Together, we can fight a better battle than either of us can alone.”
He gave her a sad smile, wishing like hell that he was a whole man, not just the shredded, leftover pieces of the man he’d been. “I promise.”
“Swear it.”
“I swear it. On my life. On yours. On Zavi’s.”
He made love to her again, going slower this time, savoring each touch and taste and sensation. When they finally headed to bed, he felt guilty for having robbed her of so much sleep. He wanted to hold her in his arms, naked body to naked body, but she insisted on putting a pair of shorts and a tee on in case Zavi came in, seeing as it was only a little while until his usual wake-up time.
“Don’t worry about Zavi. I’ll take him until Wynn wakes up. We’ll let you sleep.”
Mandy smiled and settled in closer against his side. “I’ll take all the sleep I can get. But if Dr. Kimble gets here before Wynn’s up, bring him to me.”
“Roger that.” He pulled the sheet over her. “Now shut your eyes.” He needn’t have made that request—she was already out cold.
*
Rocco walked along the trail next to Kimble. They were on one of the paths that led toward the back of Blade’s property. It was a beautiful September morning. Not a cloud in sight. The day was warm but not hot. It felt good to be outside.
Hell, it felt good to be alive.
Rocco reached into his pocket and brought out Kimble’s bullet. He studied it a moment, then handed it to the older man.
Kimble took it. “This mean you want your bullet back?”
Rocco shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.” He held out his hand. “I guess so. Not much use to you.”
Kimble handed it over. “Heard you had a hard time last night.”
Rocco looked over at the shrink. His eyes were old, but there was little they missed. Rocco faced forward. “It was extraordinary.”
“Tell me what happened.”
Rocco filled him in. On everything. “I told you I married the daughter of the warlord who was my target, all as part of my cover.” Rocco shut his eyes. “I treated her respectfully.” He paused. “Aw, hell. That’s a fucking lie. I used her. Had things not gone the way they did, I would have honored my responsibility toward her. I doubt we would have stayed married, but I would have seen to it that she was taken care of.” He walked in silence for a little while. “She died before I could tell her about me or the fact that she had options.”
He looked at Kimble. “She handed me my son, then blew herself up—and the whole goddamned village—before I could tell her the truth. She was pregnant with our second child at the time.”
Kimble nodded.
Rocco explained to him his fear that she would abandon their baby in heaven as she abandoned Zavi in life. “I let that fear gnaw at me for a long time. Last night, it came to a head. I realized I didn’t want to live like that forever.”
“Good.”
Taken aback, Rocco glanced at him.
“You had to reach that decision point.”
“I put four bullets in my gun and went down to Mandy’s stable. I was going to kill one of her horses then take my own life.”
“Interesting. Why that horse?”
“He’d been abused. He was suffering. Like me.”
“Ah.”
“I tried to do it. I really did. But the angels were in the way.”