Rocco palmed her back as he entered her. She was slick and ready for him, but also a little tender. He moved slowly, deeply, thrusting all the way in, then paused. Mandy looked up at him, into his beautiful, dark eyes. He had the eyes of a poet, a songwriter, an artist—eyes that had seen everything in life; good, bad, and terrible. All of it stayed there where she could see it. Nothing of him hid from her. She caught his face and kissed him, remembering how he’d looked after his visit with Kitano. Happy. Such a rare emotion for him.
Before she could lose herself more deeply in her own thoughts, Rocco began moving inside her. She looked down where their bodies were joined, watched him move in and out of her. He eased her back, leaning her against the hay bale behind her. One arm was braced against the hay, the other went around her back, arching her chest, supporting her so the scratchy bale didn’t interfere with their lovemaking. He leaned over her and mouthed her skin, catching all the warm, soft curves of her in his mouth as he moved from one breast to the next. When his mouth latched on to her nipple, she cried out and bucked against him.
He pulled out of her body, then took hold of himself and rubbed his cock, still hot and wet from her body, against her clit. She gasped at the sensation, then mewled a complaint that he wasn’t in her, so he slipped back inside. Mandy hooked her legs around him, locking him in position as she began to move against him, into his thrusts. Her release was abrupt and violent. She braced her elbows against the hay as he lifted her hips and slammed into her, extending her orgasm long, delicious seconds. Then his face tightened—his whole body went rigid as he found his own release.
Mandy was breathing hard as they finished. While Rocco was still inside her, he stroked her soft belly, smiling wistfully as he palmed their growing baby. He pulled out of her then took a step back and put himself back together. Mandy got up and righted her clothes. Rocco sat on the hay bale they’d just used, his shirt in his hands. She sat next to him.
“I’ve missed you,” he said.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
A muscle worked in the corner of his jaw. “I know what’s going on, you know, with me.” He stared at his fisted shirt as he spoke.
Mandy faced him, one leg folded under the other. She touched his arm as she looked at him. “What is it?”
“Kadisha shunned Zavi. Because of me, or because her first fiancé had come back to the village, I don’t know. From the time he was two until now, you’re the only mother figure he’s had. I keep thinking about Kadisha doing the same thing to our dead baby, abandoning her in heaven.” He looked over at Mandy. “I wanted to leave you with Zavi, and I would go to my baby.”
Mandy lifted her head and met his eyes. That, finally, made sense. She reached for his hand, pulling it over to her lap. “I don’t know of anything to say to make that worry go away. I can’t fix that. Maybe on the other side, Kadisha loves her children—Zavi and your baby. You don’t know that she doesn’t.”
He pulled their clasped hands up to his chest, pressing the back of her hand against his heart. “Not knowing makes a terrible ache right here.”
“What if you ask your mother’s spirit to check on your baby, to hold your baby and protect her if Kadisha isn’t? What if you ask Kadisha herself to protect your baby’s spirit?”
“She hates me.”
“Her human self hated you. Her spirit self may be much wiser. You don’t know. But do you want to give up what you have here for something that may not be as you fear?”
He shook his head. His eyes watered. “No. I don’t. It’s why I broke last night.”
“Thank you for telling me, Rocco. All this time, I had no idea what was happening with you. I couldn’t see your devils. I couldn’t keep them from eating you. And though I still can’t, at least I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. But make no mistake: I’m going to fight for you. For us. I want you in my life—the beautiful, emotional, sexy you, not a memory of you. Got it? I want to live out our days together. I want to see you white-haired—or bald—and old. Very, very, very old. I don’t want to grow old alone.”
Tears spilled down Rocco’s cheeks. He looked forward. “But what about my baby?”
“We can find someone to talk to about it. Maybe it’s Kimble. Maybe a pastor or an imam. Maybe it’s Kelan’s shaman. Or a medium…someone who can listen to your heart and speak to your baby’s spirit. Let’s try that before you throw everything away.”
He sighed and nodded. “I’m not crazy.”
“I know. You’re hurting. There’s a big difference.”
“Thank you.” He looked at her. “For believing in me. Even after everything.”
“I always believe in you, Rocco.”
He nodded. “Kit said I’m off duty for a while. Until Kimble says I’m fit. If you could use a laborer, I could use the work.”
“You bet. Grab a rake and a shovel. I have a client coming over in an hour. I want to be finished cleaning the stalls before then.”
“You need a hand with your client?”