“Yes. He told me he’d figured out who I was and that he’d come here to take revenge for everything I’d taken from him. I think he worked on Kadisha for a long time. It would have been hard for them to be together very often or for very long. I think he turned her against me and seduced her.”
“I think he turned her against Zavi, too. Zavi didn’t seem to have been very attached to her.” She looked up at Rocco. “We talked about it when I put the garden in.”
“She had to be terrified of what would happen to her when the truth came out. She could have been stoned to death for her infidelity. Of course, I wouldn’t have let that happen, but she no longer trusted me enough to confide in me.”
Mandy handed him back the paper. He sighed and leaned back in the bench. “I came to tell you that I finally understand what was happening. And I’m sorry. God, I’m so fucking sorry. I put you through hell.”
Mandy reached for his hand. “Yes, you did. And I love you all the more for it.”
Rocco frowned as he looked at her. “How so?”
“It shows me just how deeply you love the people in your life, especially your children. It’s an honor to share my life with a man like you.”
He lifted her over to his lap and set his hand on her small baby bump. “I want to be here for our baby.” He looked up at her. “For you. And Zavi.”
She smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead. “Do you think we’ve gotten through the worst of it?”
He considered that. Now wasn’t the time for quick answers. Only the truth mattered. “I don’t know. There may well be things that still come up or that send me back to the shadows. I do know that I’m going to continue working with Dr. Kimble. I also know that you’ll see me in the shadows before I even realize I’m back there. And when that happens, I hope you’ll bring me down here to your corral, put me on a fucking horse, and let me follow you around in circles until I learn again that you won’t leave me behind.”
“I’m sorry I left. I thought I was in the way of your healing. I heard you come into our room one night, then I heard you leave and you didn’t come back. I thought I had to go.”
Rocco caught her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I know. I wasn’t rejecting you that night; I was rejecting me. I didn’t feel as if I had the right to be with you. To be happy.”
Mandy sighed, then took his face in her hands. “Do you suppose, maybe, that you could do a whole lot less thinking and whole lot more just…being?”
He nodded. “I think I can try. Now. But at that point, I still thought my baby’s soul was alone, that Kadisha would reject the baby as she’d come to reject Zavi. I couldn’t tolerate that, Mandy.”
“That’s why I love you. Zavi and I and our new baby need you—the beautiful, emotional, loving man that you are.”
“I’m ready to start healing.”
“We need to put Zavi back together again. We frightened the hell out of him.”
Rocco nodded. “You know the best way to do that?”
She shook her head.
“Let’s get married. Let’s make this real. We’ll have adoption papers drawn up so that you are in every way his mom.”
“Are you ready for that?”
“I am. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure this shit out.”
“Kadisha did a number on you. What would you have done if you’d figured out she’d been unfaithful before she blew up the village?”
Rocco was silent as he thought about that. “I don’t know. I might have divorced her and let her go to Ehsan, but I suspect he would have rejected her and had the village shame her. I think he was just using her to get to me. Neither of us did right by her. I regret I didn’t have the chance to make that right—if that would even have been possible. She gave me my son before destroying herself and the village. I will forever be grateful for that.”
He looked at her, studying her face as he asked, “Would you mind if we rebranded your garden as a memory garden or a meditation garden? I accept the burden I placed on Kadisha’s life. It’s something I’ll be working through for a long while. But I would rather not tie Zavi to a past he’s already beginning to forget, or bind him to a woman who didn’t want to be his mother. Not when he has someone who does want to be his mom.”
“I don’t want to lie to him about his origins.”
“Nor do I. I just think it’s healthier to focus on what is, not what was.”
Mandy smiled. “I’m happy to call the garden anything you wish.”
“And do you think we can get rid of that old barn? It’s a hazard and I don’t want the kids playing in it.”
“Are you ready to let it go?”
“I am.”
“Then I think we should. Maybe I could put up something different for you. Space all your own. A man cave.”
“Thank you, but I don’t need that. I’m done being separate. If I need alone time, I’ll go for a ride. But the truth is, right now, I don’t want to be away from you.”
Mandy smiled. “Do you think the three of us could go for a ride and have a picnic one day soon?”
“How about tomorrow?”
“I’d love that.”
“Thank you for loving my son.”