She smiles at me despite her tears, and I reach up to wipe some of them away. She leans into my hand, and I keep it there, needing to feel her.
“But there’s a reason no one has this,” she says on a broken whisper. “Because it’s too good to hold onto. It defies the balance.”
“I’m willing to do everything possible to hold onto it,” I tell her, using my thumb to swipe at a tear as it falls. “I get you. Fuck the rest. There’s nothing else out there that’s better for me,” I add, repeating her words from so long ago. “I never should have given you up.”
She shakes her head before swallowing. “You have no idea how wrong you are, and don’t give me that guilty look.” Her voice is stronger as she glares into my eyes. “This would have happened no matter what. Mom was unhinged. I couldn’t have left before eighteen, Chase. She never would have allowed it. That fight would have happened no matter what. And I might not have survived without the extreme measures Aidan was forced to take. You wouldn’t have ever let me out of your sight.”
Her tears teeter on the edges of her lids, and I open my mouth to speak, but she goes on before I can.
“I see it now,” she says softly. “I didn’t see it then. You hurt me… crushed me… but you did it because you loved me… Because you wanted more for me. You did it wrong, but you were a kid and giving up everything to give me something better.”
“Yeah. Looks like you’re better off,” I say with bitter sarcasm.
“You couldn’t have known. You loved me enough to let me go, Chase. You loved me enough to sacrifice what we had to keep it from hurting me the way it hurt you. If we’d still been together, you would have gone through hell to save me. Things happen for a reason, even if the reasons suck balls.”
I shake my head as she smiles grimly, and she sighs before pulling her face away from my hand.
“I get it now,” she says while closing her eyes, allowing the tears to leak out.
“Get what?” I ask her, reaching up to push her hair away from her face.
She doesn’t answer me, and the door flings open as an angry doctor demands for me to leave. Mika doesn’t speak or even acknowledge me as I’m forcibly removed by security.
She’s wrong if she thinks I’m letting her go.
Chapter 43
MIKA
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Whit asks me as I stare at the final piece of the bowling alley closure.
The second statue has been put in place, and this no longer feels like unfinished business. It never was the unfinished business. It was Chase all along, and I knew it. Now… Now I just have to figure out how to leave him behind and not be selfish enough to keep him.
“Yeah. And thanks for helping me,” I tell her while taking a deep breath. “I know this has to be weird for you, considering.”
She wraps her arm around my shoulders as I continue to stare at the eagle statues.
“I think you’re probably the first person I’ve ever met that deserved nothing but good things. You’ve been dealt a shit hand. Don’t thank me, Mika. You deserve a hell of a lot more than you’re letting yourself have, and I don’t know if I’m being a good person or a terrible one by helping you out.”
I laugh humorlessly, and she sighs while dropping her arm from around my shoulders.
“Does your brother know you’re out of the hospital?”
I shake my head. “I had everyone removed from the list except for Dr. Stein and you. I also had them take me out through the rear entrance. A week of that place has my skin smelling like antiseptic no matter how many showers I take. Thanks for letting me crash at your place last night, by the way.”
She nods, seeming lost in thought. Finally, she speaks.
“All my life, I’ve focused on being someone more than a pretty waitress like my momma. You gave me a chance. Seems like small-minded goals for some, but it meant the world to me.” She looks at me, and I see that fucking pity I hate. “You don’t even complain. Your life was basically stolen from you, and you don’t even complain. You just fight. I feel like a failure for all my whining.”
I laugh for real, and lean over to grab my purse from the ground. “Whit, I’m not that great. I do wish my life was more than it is. And I have cried about it, thrown myself pity parties, and wallowed in my own despair.” Sighing, I turn back to face her. “Life sucks. It’s just that simple. Everyone stays alive because they’re not ready to die.”
The look in her eyes has me regretting my words, because tears well up and pain settles in her gaze. I’m tired of people feeling sorry for me. Tired of them being tethered to my shit. I’m just… tired.
“Should I be worried about you being on your own?” she asks me.
“That wasn’t a suicidal comment,” I tell her with a forced smile. “That was a stated fact. If I was going to kill myself, I would have already done it. No worries.”
She doesn’t look convinced, but at least I’m being honest.