He exhales harshly before running a hand through his hair.
“Mika flipped. She broke some shit. It was during the ‘early years,’ as she likes to call them. She’d just gotten out of the intense therapy with Kravitz. She didn’t hurt herself, but she shattered a vase and stomped on all the small pieces over and over until she could be calmed down. I walked in during the middle of it. After that, we got coffee, and Mika told me the whole story. I don’t know why, since she never told anyone else about her stuff. I guess we just clicked, and she trusted me. Not in a sexual way,” he says, adding that last part when I drop the book to the ground.
“Anyway, that shit changed me. All my issues seemed so damn petty after realizing what she had going on. I met up with Aidan shortly after. Dr. Stein and Aiden helped me realize the risks of a friendship. But I was determined. For once, it felt like I was doing something for someone instead of expecting shit. It really did alter the way I saw things and made me appreciate all the things I took for granted. I actually felt good about myself, and I quit doing all the bullshit. Even started my own very successful business and detached myself from my toxic family. Mika and Aidan are my family now. I’d do anything for them, and neither of them ever take it for granted. It feels… I feel like a person because of her and Aidan. My own person. Fuck the rest of the world.”
“Did she encourage you to wear those terribly tight jeans?” Blake asks, trying to lessen the heaviness of the air around us.
Hunter snorts and flips him off. “I will wear some normal fitted jeans just for you, asshole.”
Picking the book back up, I study the cover. It’s not Mika, but there’s a girl on the cover who is huddled in a corner of a white room as she stares blankly off to the side. It makes my chest feel heavy, and a sickness creeps into my stomach. That was Mika, even if it’s not actually her in the picture.
“Read it,” Hunter says, causing my gaze to move away from the sad picture. “Read all of it. Being her friend took some major adjustments in my life. It was sure as hell worth it. I love her like she’s my own sister. But being in a relationship with her will take twice the effort and ten times the dedication.”
I open the flap, glancing over page one that immediately jumps into the night she had emergency surgery.
“Dedication and effort won’t be an issue.”
It’s the fucking truth. There’s no reason I’d give her up a second time after feeling like I’ve been floating through life for all these years.
They consider it a sacrifice… I consider it to be hope. It’s been a long time since I felt hope.
Chapter 41
MIKA
Guilt. It’s the bane of my existence. And I’m choking on guilt when Aidan walks into my room—on the psych floor. My hands are restrained against the bedrails with the leather cuffs like I’m back in Kravitz’s hell. I’m doing well not to freak out, but the pressure is gone. I can’t believe… I hate myself for letting it get that far.
Overconfidence usually results in epic failure. I was definitely overconfident.
Aidan’s eyes are red and puffy, letting me know he’s been crying. That’s my fault. My brother has suffered enough because of me, and I just put him through this so that I could have a few weeks of the heaven I lost so long ago.
It was worth it to me just to be with Chase again. It’s all I ever dreamed about, and I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But it’s not worth it for Aidan, and I know it. It was selfish. And I was wrong to do this to him.
Tears fill my eyes when he gives me a forced, sad smile and sits down near my bed.
“I’ve talked to them and explained what’s going on. They’ll get these things off you once they speak to Dr. Stein,” he tells me hoarsely, motioning to my cuffs.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, feeling a hot tear roll down my cheek.
Aidan immediately wipes away his own fresh tears and clears his throat several times.
“Dr. Stein is going to fly out here soon. She wants to have a face-to-face with you.” He reaches over and pushes my hair away from my face, and I feel another tear roll from my eye. “They won’t release you from these damn things until she’s evaluated you anyway. Then she’s going to stay with you for a while.”
“She can’t do that. She has other patients.”
“She’s passed them off onto someone else. She wants to devote her attention to you. Don’t worry, you’ll be paying her to compensate.”
He gives me a lopsided smile, but it doesn’t ease the tension surrounding us.
I just nod, unable to form anymore words without the fear of crying. I don’t want to cry in front of him. It’ll only hurt him worse.
“This is just a small setback,” he says with that same forced smile. “You’ll be fine after a while.”
He removes his hand and clasps his fingers together in his lap while staring at me like I’m the most pitiful thing he’s ever seen. I hate that look. I hate what I’ve put him through. Again.