“Do you ever wonder where you’d be if I hadn’t been hurt that night?” I ask him quietly.
He snorts derisively while shaking his head.
“You’re all I have Mika. I’d be wherever you are, regardless of the circumstances. Just you and me.”
“And Hunter,” I remind him, smiling like my heart isn’t breaking.
He nods, laughing lightly. “And Hunter. You two are my only family. Hell, my only friends.”
And that’s my fault too. He won’t ever tell me, but it’s because of me he doesn’t have friends. He’s too focused on me.
“Can you send Hunter in?” I ask him, ignoring the next tear that rolls down my cheek. “And give us a moment?”
He nods. “Yeah. I have some more paperwork to fill out anyway.”
As he leaves, I make a decision I never thought I’d have to. I can’t be selfish anymore. And Aidan refuses to make a decision that isn’t unselfish.
I’m toxic. To him. To Hunter. To everyone.
Just because I’m broken, it doesn’t mean that I have to break everyone else in my path. I’ve been under the illusion that one day I’d be better. That one day they’d be free of my burden.
I wish I was unselfish enough to just end it… End me. But I can’t. I’ve fought too hard to survive to just end it now. That doesn’t mean I can’t do something else to free them though.
Hunter walks in, pausing his steps when he sees me on my back and restrained by the leather cuffs. It’s incredibly vulnerable and pathetic looking, I know. It takes him a second to recover from the sight as he moves to the chair beside me where Aidan was sitting.
“How are you feeling?” he asks me, trying not to stare at the cuffs.
My stomach is on fire, and I can’t take pain medication. But obviously I don’t tell him that.
“Like a rockstar after he or she destroys a hotel room,” I say jokingly. He laughs, but I’m fairly sure it’s a pity laugh.
“Hate to do this, but can I ask you for a favor and complete secrecy?” I ask him.
His humor fades immediately, and he leans forward.
“Always. What do you need?”
“My bank account number is somewhere in my safe at the house. Will you check my balance and see if I have enough to purchase a different house. And will you find me one no farther than fifteen minutes from a town?”
He nods. “Yeah. At least that’s a bright side—location changes don’t disrupt you.”
Thank God for that. It’s at least one bit of normalcy inside my chaotic life.
“Why not ask Aidan? He knows all your bank info.”
“Because Aidan can’t know.”
My lips tighten as his brow furrows in confusion, but slowly realization sinks in.
“Ah hell, girl. Don’t do that to him. He won’t—”
“He won’t live his life until I’m not in it,” I say through strain as a few more tears start to fall. “I think I’ve proven I’m toxic. I’m not healthy for him or for you. Or anyone for that matter. But this is my problem and my life. He shouldn’t be carrying the weight of my issues on his shoulders.”
He shakes his head vehemently. “He’d never go for that. He loves you, Mika. It’s not a hardship. Trust me, I know. We want to be here for you.”
More tears start to fall, and I fight off the impending pity party.
“Please, Hunter. Please. If you don’t do this for me, I’ll have to ask someone else—someone who might not be as trustworthy with my banking info. So please.”
Tears brim in his eyes, but they don’t fall as he sits back and studies me. I’m on the verge of begging when he finally nods.
“This is going to kill him, Mika. You know that.”
“At first,” I admit. “But then he’ll finally get to have a life that doesn’t revolve around his crazy sister. He’s earned the right to live, and he’ll have you. You’ll be here for him. You two will have each other.”
“And who the fuck will you have?” he growls. “I’m not leaving you out there to go at this alone.”
“It’s my choice. Help me or don’t. I’m not putting anyone else through this anymore. At least this way you’ll still know where I am if I’m ever needed for anything—but I won’t be needing anyone. It is killing me to feel like I’m ruining everything and everyone around me.”
He holds his head back, as though he’s fighting off the tears, and I let mine freely run down my face, unable to wipe them away. Wordlessly, he stands and walks toward the door. He pauses at the doorway, almost as though he’s hesitating, but he doesn’t turn back around.
“This is the most selfish decision you’ve ever made, and I’m not doing it.” He turns to face me. “You’re not going anywhere without us, Mika. I’m sorry, but I just can’t let that happen. Guess you’ll just have to deal with letting us love you.”
He stalks out angrily, and a sob breaks free as I try to turn my face into the pillow to muffle it. I struggle against the restraints, getting nothing but resistance as more hot tears scald my cheeks. I hate this. I hate it all. It’s not… It’s not fucking fair.
Chapter 42
CHASE