It was so ridiculous she wanted to laugh. “There is nothing logical about being mated.”
“No, but I’ve read about mates. My mother has told me what that kind of joy and love feels like. I want that in my life one day, but I’m willing to wait for the right moment.”
It was so absurd, but oddly…romantic. “All right,” she said slowly. Her emotions were as scattered as the stars, but there was something rather soothing about Ian’s straightforward approach to situations. “What do you want to write in there?”
Ian frowned as he considered. “How long your contract with the House of Kismet is and what the cost to eradicate it would be, would you be able to terminate your contract with the Spymaster’s Guild the same way, would you want to end these contracts early or finish them out, also…”
“Wow,” she said, blinking at the barrage of questions. “You were far more prepared to ask than I thought you would be.”
Those purple eyes of his mesmerized while he simply looked at her.
“Wait, you know about the Spymaster’s Guild?” Nadyah demanded.
Ian nodded. “Of course, Elara tells me just about everything. Well, except that Adelina is more than my half-sister, but I don’t blame her for that.” He tapped his shreve. “Would you want to stay at the House of Kismet for a while?”
Nadyah felt like someone could knock her over with a feather. “Would that bother you if I did?”
Ian shook his head. “I would simply like a timeline to work with so I could prepare, perhaps find a home in the first-circle if you would prefer that to living in the palace.”
That laughter finally bubbled to the surface and Nadyah couldn’t help it, no matter how rude it was. She laughed herself sick. It was all too much to take in and Ian was being so strangely sweet. Then the tears of laughter turned into tears of grief and she couldn’t stop from sobbing as she felt everything she’d thought she’d known crash around her.
Varan wasn’t her mate. He was just some incredibly gorgeous male she’d had a crush on for cycles, and here was this male next to her who didn’t even know her, and he wanted her opinion on where to live, and when she thought she might be done servicing everyone in Stella di Draga and Draga Terra.
Those arms of his wrapped around her and Ian said nothing as he comforted her. He was stronger than he looked; pulling her onto his lap so he could shield her from the room, from the world in the small cocoon of his arms.
She’d seen him do it once with Adelina and the reminder made her cry even harder.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he whispered. “Tell me what I can do to help.”
Nadyah rested her head on his shoulder. “I feel so stupid,” she said, her voice cracking. “All this time I’ve loved people and thought perhaps one of them would be my mate because of the way I felt. Now here I am with my actual mate, and I haven’t once tried to seduce you.” She laughed. It was an ugly sound with all the tears and mucus.
Ian handed her his handkerchief, but didn’t say anything as he waited for her to finish.
Nadyah wiped her face and sniffled, gathering herself once more. “Not that I would have seduced you because you’re so tender with P’draic and you love him. The two of you have been together for cycles and I’d never try to ruin that. I just feel so terrible for you Ian; it’s not fair you’re mated to the biggest whore in the palace who happens to love your sister, when you are also in love with another.”
The prince stroked her hair gently. “You are not a whore, Nadyah, no matter what anyone says. Your job is just as important as any other.”
Those words settled some raw part of her still hurting from the night before. She sniffled one last time and looked up into those eyes she’d fallen in love with, if perhaps on someone else. “I’m so sorry I’m your mate, Ian. I’m such a mess.”
He didn’t look away from her. Ian simply studied her, and it made Nadyah feel vulnerable. Ian’s attention was so focused and unwavering. “We all have our own problems,” he said gently. “Whatever you need from me I will give, whether it’s time, space, or ending my relationship with P’draic.”
The statement made her heart break. “But I don’t want you to lose the one you love because of me,” she whispered. “We never have to become mated. You can stay with him forever if you like.”
Suddenly, his arms around her tightened. “No,” he said. “I’m not losing you.”
It was strange to hear Ian say something so possessive. “You don’t love me,” Nadyah reminded him.
“Love doesn’t just happen the first time you lay your eyes on someone, Nadyah. Love has to grow, has to cultivate. Attraction and lust yes, those can be immediate. The mate bond would take care of anything else.” Ian brushed a kiss across her cheek and then set her down.
When he stood and ran a hand through his hair, Nadyah wondered how he was so sweet and gentle after spending his life in the palace. Elara had done an excellent job raising him. “I’m not sure about the future Ian, but I know I cannot have a relationship with you yet. We are leaving for the Hai galaxy; I owe Jael too much gold for you – for anyone to pay and I have to finish Adelina’s camerraleto.”
Ian didn’t speak as he started fixing some tea from the tray P’draic brought. He froze when he noticed it hadn’t been there before. Then he continued as if nothing had changed, but his shoulders drooped ever so slightly and Nadyah felt so much guilt it made her sick.
“How much do you owe?” he asked.
Nadyah tensed. It was taboo to speak of her debt to the House, but it wasn’t unusual for a mate to pay it off. She told him the number, knowing it was too much for any rational person to consider, prince or no.
He turned around with two cups of tea and sat back on the couch. “Here is what I suggest. Take this trip to see the Drakesthai and come back in one piece,” he gritted out. “Then finish Lina’s camerraleto. By that time, decide if you want to go back to the House of Kismet for as long as you like, or if you’d rather stay here. With me.”
Ian sipped his tea and watched her closely. Nadyah didn’t know what to do or say, she didn’t know if her feelings toward Adelina would change by then, if the mate bond would truly ease her desire and lust until it was only for her mate.
“We still won’t know each other well,” she stated.
“Then talk with me, send me messages, and I will do the same. If you like, we can spend time alone together as we would in a courtship, but with no pressure to be physical. It would only be to learn about one another.” Ian set down his cup of tea. “And I will end the relationship with P’draic today. Things have been…strained. It’s for the best no matter how I feel, because I cannot make him my mate.”