Kai undressed and stepped into the shower. The familiar peace of the running water melted into him, although it wasn’t as soothing as it once was. Kai was fairly certain nothing would completely soothe him anymore. And now…now he had some decisions to make. Namely, who he should talk to first.
Lathering his hair and body with the shampoo Jessie had picked up for him, Kai debated calling his parents. He imagined hearing his father’s reaction to Kai telling him he was giving up and returning home. Recalling his father’s distance lately, his thoughts turned dark. He’d been so odd with Kai, sometimes cold, sometimes detached; Kai had no clue what he would say about him quitting. He was sure he’d be deeply disappointed, though, especially since Kai couldn’t give him a solid reason for packing up and leaving town. As much as Kai wanted to tell his dad what was going on, he wasn’t sure if he could handle hearing his father’s condemnation right now.
Rinsing his hair clean, Kai considered calling his mother first. She would probably have the opposite reaction. Seeing as how he was still receiving bi-weekly care packages from her, including everything from local foods from home that he couldn’t get here, to new underwear, he imagined that she would be overjoyed to have him back. But she worked with Kai’s father. She would tell him Kai was coming home, and that led Kai right back to scenario number one, and he’d really rather wait a few days to have that talk. Things were hard enough at the moment.
Hating how childish all of that sounded, Kai shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. Honestly, he was an adult. He shouldn’t be nervous to talk to his parents. Kai considered talking to his grandmother and decided he would drop by after work today and tell her. She probably wouldn’t be thrilled with the news, but she would be understanding and supportive. She’d repeatedly told him that he should go home if he wasn’t happy working at the center. While that wasn’t Kai’s reason for leaving, he would let her think it was. It was easier that way. And he had a feeling that, if he asked her not to, she wouldn’t tell his father he was coming home. For a while anyway.
That would give Kai time to figure out what he was going to say to the man who’d done him such a huge favor by getting him such a coveted job. Kai knew his parents’ connections within the scientific community had gone a long way in helping him skip a few steps, and he didn’t want to take that for granted. A part of him felt like turning away from the dream job he’d been given was like slapping his dad’s generosity in the face. Kai wasn’t prepared to do that to him just yet.
Walking back to his room, Kai got dressed in his multiple layers of clothing, followed by his teal work shirt. Truly, the very first conversation he needed to have today was with the boss who didn’t like him, anyway. Surely Mason would be ecstatic. He probably wouldn’t think about him again once he stepped out of the center’s doors for the last time.
Once Kai was outside his studio apartment, he locked the door. He instantly envisioned Jessie pounding her fist on it yesterday, desperate to talk to him. He’d fled from her, taking a taxi to a dismal transfer station where he’d waited on a hard park bench with a bum and a couple of drunk college kids. He’d been exhausted, but his mind had been spinning so furiously, sleep had completely evaded him. He’d flip-flopped between returning to Jessie or staying on that hard, cold bench. Eventually, and with an enormous amount of will power on his part, he’d stayed where he was, and the shuttle had finally come and picked him up.
And then when he’d finally gotten to his apartment…she’d been there. It was like magic, like he hadn’t left her at all. Kai couldn’t even imagine how she’d gotten there so fast. And at first, he hadn’t been sure why she’d rushed over. He’d left that note for her just so she wouldn’t worry. She could have rested at the lodge with her friends, and they could have talked in the evening when she got home. But she’d been terrified he was leaving, that he’d run away without another word, without closure.
He was a little surprised that she thought he was capable of doing that. And maybe that was the smarter thing to do. Maybe it would be easier for both of them if he just…disappeared. But he couldn’t imagine leaving the state forever without one final goodbye with her. Regardless of how painful that moment was going to be, he needed it.