Walking through the door of Kai’s apartment building, her loud heart started pounding even harder, and her palms grew slick with sweat. Jessie didn’t know if they’d beaten him back here or not. Maybe he’d gotten home much earlier than she realized, and he’d already gone to the airport. Maybe he was already on a plane…leaving her. Woodenly, she shuffled to his door. She stood in front of it, listening for sounds. Something, anything. It was completely quiet though. Holding her breath, she raised a hand and knocked.
No one answered her. She tried again, louder, but still nothing. Feeling desperate, she wrestled with the doorknob, but it was locked. Her rational voice began screaming at her that Kai wasn’t in there so making more noise wouldn’t help anything, but her heart didn’t want to accept the possibility that she’d missed him. Not able to give up, she struck the door with the side of her hand. “Kai!”
“Jessie?”
The sound had come from down the hallway, and Jessie immediately turned toward it. Kai was standing in front of the elevator, staring at her like he was seeing a vision that couldn’t be real. Jessie let out a long, cleansing exhale. He was still here. She wasn’t too late. Emotionally exhausted, she sagged against his door as he slowly approached her. He was still carrying his bags from the trip, so he hadn’t even been home yet; she had beaten him. His face was worn, his eyes heavy with weariness. It seemed that he hadn’t slept at all.
Amazement was in his eyes as he stepped in front of her. “How…? What are you doing here?”
Straightening, Jessie took a step toward him. “You left? You just…left?”
Kai looked away, his shoulders slumping. “I had to, Jessie. I couldn’t stay. Not after…” His gaze on the floor, he pointed at his door. “Let’s go inside.” He dangled the keys in his hand and Jessie stepped aside so he could unlock his place. His body brushed against hers as he opened the door and stepped through, but he still kept his eyes from her.
Her heart hurting, her stomach churning, and fear permeating every cell, Jessie tentatively followed him into his apartment. The apartment. The place where this whole mess had started.
Kai set his bags down in the kitchen and leaned back against the counter with his hands carefully tucked behind him. Still not looking at her, he stared at the floor. As she closed the door behind her, she wanted to cry again. He couldn’t even look at her. Jessie stayed with her back against the door, forcefully ignoring the memory of her back being shoved against that door. Things were so different now than that night, back when he’d only been the elusive “Ricardo” that her friends loved to tease her about.
Her voice warbling, she finally broke the silence in the room. “Kai…?”
She couldn’t say any more than that, but it was enough to make Kai finally look at her. His eyes were wet. “I needed to get away from you, Jessie, because staring at you in that bed…all I wanted to do…was join you.”
Jessie closed her eyes; the words washing over her were as soothing as his hands had been earlier. He hadn’t fled in disgust. He’d fled from desire, from love. Opening her eyes, Jessie wondered if that was any better. His pained eyes confirmed that he didn’t think it was. He shook his head. “I can’t let myself cave into these feelings I have for you. It’s wrong, Jessie.” Kai shrugged, his expression tired and hopeless.
Jessie begged the water in her eyes not to fall; she didn’t want to cry again. “I know,” she told him. He nodded and looked down again, and once again the room swam with quiet tension. “Are you leaving?” Jessie whispered into the stillness. One tear disobeyed her. Traveling down her cheek, it dripped to the floor with a heavy splash.
Kai glanced at her glistening cheek before returning his gaze to her eyes. He seemed torn, like he wanted to sweep her into his arms, but also wanted to keep his distance. Swallowing, he looked between her and the door she was leaning against. “Is that why you rushed here? You thought I’d come home, get my stuff, and head back to Hawaii…today?”
Closing her eyes, Jessie nodded. She felt him take a step toward her, heard his shoes move across the linoleum. “Jessie, I would never leave here without…saying goodbye first.”
When she opened her eyes, he was standing a few steps in front of her, his arms loose at his sides. Jessie couldn’t help but note that he hadn’t said he wouldn’t leave. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re leaving Denver?”
He looked down again, and Jessie saw a tear fall from his eyes to land on his jeans. Jessie’s stomach wrenched. “Not today…” he whispered.
She took a step toward him. “Kai…”
His hand came out to stop her from getting any closer. “I can’t be around you, Jessie. I thought it would get easier…but it’s only gotten worse.” He looked up at her, telltale tracks on his cheeks. “The more I get to know you, the more I want you. You’re perfect for me. Take away the fact that we’re family, and you’re perfect for me.” He shook his head. “And I think that’s what really kills me. You’re everything I could have asked for…and I can’t have you.”