“Tony got me sick, and I swear I thought I was about to die. I’m not sure how you didn’t catch it from him. You must have an amazing immune system.”
I knew where this conversation could go, and I didn’t want to walk away in case Janelle needed my support.
“How did Tony get you sick?” Stacey regarded her with sincere curiosity.
“Holden said he was sick, and that’s why you guys weren’t at Mom and Dad’s last weekend.”
“Oh, yeah…he wasn’t feeling well so we thought it’d be best to just stay home. But he couldn’t have gotten you sick.”
My chest tightened when I noticed the confusion in Janelle’s eyes. “I guess I just assumed it was him because I haven’t been around anyone else who hasn’t been feeling well. I ended up having the flu and strep at the same time. Talk about knocking on death’s door. What did Tony have?”
Janelle had no idea the can of worms she’d innocently unleashed. Her question was akin to watching a tsunami on the horizon without being aware of the damage it would cause. Everything went eerily silent. We were outside in a public area on a holiday weekend. Aside from going deaf, it was virtually impossible for things to be this quiet. My chest tightened, and I couldn’t decide what to do. My sight bounced back and forth between them and it felt like decades passed during the wordless encounter.
Stacey turned to the rest of us to seek help, but we all kept our mouths closed and waited for her to make the decision. “He was just tired and weak. Nothing a little rest couldn’t cure.”
Janelle’s hesitation spoke volumes, and as soon as I turned my attention to her, I found her eyes set on me. “What’s going on?” She was smart enough to pick up on the body language that left thick tension behind. “Can someone start talking before I get pissed off?”
“Don’t get mad, Jelly.” Christine tried to calm her by placing a supportive hand on her shoulder.
But Janelle shrugged it off. “I’ve tried really hard since I arrived for you guys to stop alienating me. If you think I haven’t noticed the unspoken innuendos, you’re wrong. The only thing I’ve been told over and over again is that you all want me here. I’ve been assured countless times that everyone is happy I’m home and so thankful to have me back within the fold. I’ve truly tried to believe that. But I have to tell you…actions speak louder than words and I can feel what you aren’t saying.”
“You know why we moved here a couple of years ago, right? Because Tony lost his job?” Stacey waited until she received Janelle’s nod before continuing. “Well, he lost his job because he’d gotten sick. He ended up missing too much work, and they couldn’t hold his position for him any longer. No one could tell us what was wrong. We went to countless doctors and specialists searching for answers. Instead of answers, the information we received only created more questions. Medical bills started stacking up, and we couldn’t survive on my paycheck alone, so we packed up and moved here.”
“You finally got answers, though…right?” Janelle’s eyes brimmed with tears.
“Well, it took over a year, but yes, we finally received a diagnosis—Lupus.” It was obvious to us all that Janelle had no idea what that meant. Finally, Stacey picked up on her sister’s silence and offered more information. “It’s an autoimmune disease. Basically, his immune system attacks itself and causes him to get really sick.”
“Stacey, I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through all this. Is he better?” Janelle’s voice shook as she spoke the words, and I could tell what she’d heard had upset her. The amount of pain her sister had suffered while supporting her husband through this disease was unfathomable.
“We were fortunate to finally receive a diagnosis, but unfortunate because Lupus isn’t curable. He’ll have it for the rest of his life. Sometimes the symptoms can worsen until they become debilitating, which is what happened a couple of weeks ago. He has flare ups, but the more we learn about it the more we’re able to manage his symptoms with medications and treatments. So we’re hopeful.”
As Janelle absorbed this news, she looked at each of us, and then turned her head to take everyone in, including the family members around the grill by the pavilion. “So everyone knew? Everyone, but me? I’m the only one in the family who didn’t know about this?”
“They were all here when it happened, Janelle.” Stacey’s words were meant to calm the storm brewing inside her sister, but I could tell it didn’t work.
“But no one has ever uttered one word about it. When I’d call Mom from college to check in, none of this was mentioned.”
“It’s not like we were intentionally keeping it a secret. No one said to not tell you. It’s just you weren’t here, and there was no point in calling you up to share this with you. They were here—”
“Yeah. I got that part.” Janelle’s voice remained even, calm on the surface. But I knew her well enough to see the act before me. The hurt clear in her gaze. “It doesn’t matter, though.” She took in an audible breath before continuing. “The most important thing is that Tony is okay. That’s all I care about. And I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Stacey. I’m grateful you didn’t have to deal with it alone. And from now on, if you need me, I’ll be here, too.”
Janelle’s act seemed to have worked on everyone else. They ate it up like chocolate cake at a birthday party. But I didn’t. The blue in her eyes brightened—like they do just before tears make an appearance. If anyone else took notice of the same things, they’d assume it was sadness.
But I knew the difference.
I realized Janelle wasn’t ready to be rescued just yet, so I excused myself from the pool, dried off, and went back to meet up with the rest of the guys. However, I refused to take my eyes off her so I’d be cued in to when to go to her. She was an adult, fully capable of taking care of herself, but if I were there, she had someone else she could depend on.
She remained with the rest of the women, but it took less than twenty minutes before Janelle vacated her spot by the pool. Once the kids joined them, she used that opportunity to leave the group and head over to the restrooms.
Acting as nonchalant as possible, I waited for her to exit the women’s side. She yelped when I grabbed her wrist and tugged her around the corner, but as soon as I had her back pressed against the building with my arms caging her in, she seemed to calm down.
“What are you doing, Holden?” she reprimanded me in a harsh whisper.
“Just checking to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
I shrugged, wondering if I had made a bigger deal out of it than there was. “You seemed upset after Stacey told you about Tony. You don’t have to pretend with me, Janelle. If you’re upset, tell me. We can talk about it, we can leave, we can do whatever you want.”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“You were on the verge of crying…just like you are now.”