“That doesn’t mean—”
“It means you’re mad. You keep forgetting how well I know you, Janelle. Just like it’s obvious you’re upset about Tony having Lupus, but you’re too angry over being kept out of the loop to fully absorb what your sister and brother-in-law have gone through.”
Her jaw dropped, and her gasp spread between us. And as if finally giving in to her emotions, her bright eyes glistened with forming tears. “I have no right to be mad. But I am. And I have no clue how to change it. I get how selfish it is to be pissed off over them not reaching out to me when a family crisis occurred, but I still can’t help how wounded I feel.”
“Just get it out. Let me take the weight off your chest.” I wiped away a tear.
She closed her eyes and resigned herself to the situation. “They’ve made me feel like I’m solely responsible for alienating myself from the family. Yet when I came back, they treated me like a stranger. They’re the ones who locked me out and refused to budge even an inch to let me in. They created this entire support system and didn’t need me. They’ve made me into an outsider. Even Christine and Matt. I didn’t even know they were pregnant the first time.” Her tiny fists slammed into my chest. “And you…they even told you about all this. You were not only informed about Tony but you came to their rescue by paying off their bills. I’m literally the only one here that wasn’t let in on any of these important situations of my ‘loved’ ones.”
I had nothing to say, but she didn’t need to hear my words. She only needed someone to listen.
“It’s so stupid, because I have no right to be angry about any of this. I could’ve come home or called more often. I could’ve made a better effort to be included, and I didn’t. I have no one to blame but myself. I’m fully aware of this…so why am I so mad at them?”
“Because it’s always easier to blame others than it is to look in a mirror and accept the parts we played in it. No matter who you are or what situation you’re talking about, we’re all guilty of doing it. But at least you recognize your role and the blame you carry. Once you move through the anger, release it all, you’ll be able to look within yourself and figure out how to turn it around.”
“Why did you come looking for me?”
I wiped away one last tear, certain she wouldn’t have any more. “Because I know you, Janelle,” I whispered as I lowered my face to hers.
Seconds before I pressed my lips to hers, she turned her head and offered me her cheek. Her breath hitched, and she shoved against my chest, fear brightening her wide eyes. “Holden!” she scorned in a harsh whisper. “My family is here. They could see us.”
With my fingers wrapped securely around her upper arm, I pushed her against the wall, ending her attempt at escape. I carefully held her face in my hand and covered her mouth with mine, cutting off the argument on the tip of her tongue.
The kiss didn’t last long, though it didn’t need to be to give her the message. As I backed away, lust draped my voice when I growled, “Let them see us. I don’t care.”
17
Janelle
I was seconds away from exiting my car when the phone rang, making me pause and check the caller ID. It was an out-of-area number, the screen reading “New York,” but I had no idea who it was. I didn’t know anyone from New York, so I sat there and waited for the ringing to end. Then I waited even longer for the familiar alert, notifying me of a new voicemail.
“This message is for Janelle Brewer. My name is Samantha Verdurmen, and I’m with the Reality Bites production team on the show you participated in, Soul Mates. We have been trying to follow up with you and Connor Murphy to get an update on your progress. Please give me a call back so we can catch up. Thank you.” Then she spouted off the same number that had been displayed on my caller ID before disconnecting the call.
I certainly wouldn’t be able to outrun the situation, and at some point, I’d have to answer a phone call and provide answers—either to the show or Connor. But I wasn’t ready just yet. It’d only been a little over a week since Holden and I had started…whatever this was between us, and I had no idea where things stood. I figured I’d give it a little bit longer before deciding my next step. I’d gotten the feeling from Holden that he wanted more with me, which I wanted as well, but I also had to think about the money and what part that played in my future.
I deleted the message and climbed from the car outside Holden’s office. My heart pounded harsher with each step I took, and as soon as I opened the door to head inside, I thought I might vomit all over myself. My nerves had absolutely nothing to do with seeing Holden and everything to do with the chances of running into my brother. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself it was fine, I still didn’t believe it. Maybe because I wasn’t simply there to drop lunch off for my roommate and friend who’d left it at home on his way out. I was convinced Matt would take one look at me and know I’d slept with Holden.
A lot.
Like I somehow had it written all over my face in black permanent marker: Your best friend has given me countless orgasms.
And then beneath that in smaller letters: with his hands, his mouth, and his very large and impressive cock.
All I wanted to do was slip in and slip back out, unseen, absolutely no attention brought to me, whatsoever. Yet I should’ve known that was an impossibility. Ever since Holden had called me this morning, asking me to bring him the lunch he’d forgotten in the fridge, my stomach had been in knots and my heart refused to beat a normal rhythm. I’d told him this was a bad idea, but he swore nothing would go wrong. He promised there wouldn’t be any issues.
It seemed he’d forgotten about the hot lesbian who sat at the desk by the front door.
“Good morning, Janelle. What are you doing here? Come to see your brother or…Holden?” The way she quirked her eyebrow and taunted me with his name rubbed me the wrong way. She hadn’t meant it maliciously, but like she’d been privy to more than she was supposed to. And if that were the case, I’d kick Holden’s ass.
I held up the brown bag and smiled. “Holden left his lunch, so he asked me to bring it up to him.”
“I’m surprised he’s even thinking of food so soon after breakfast.”
I knew if I waited around too long, I’d run the risk of seeing Matthew, and I couldn’t chance that. Instead of continuing a conversation with Veronica, I scurried down the hall toward Holden’s office. Not wasting a single moment, I grabbed the handle and turned it.