I Do(n't)

The burning ache low in my abdomen grew until it left me holding my breath as I chased the high. The harder I gripped him, the more intense his thrusts became, which made me more desperate to catch the ever-eluding orgasm.

“Baby, I can’t…” His voice came out strained, like his words choked him. “I can’t hold on much longer. Please.” More thrusts, more grunts. More intensity. “I need you to come. Please, Janelle.”

As if on cue, I lost control as the orgasm took over my body. Every muscle coiled tight, and my mouth opened wide, yet no sound other than strained air came out. I’d never experienced anything this powerful before. It was almost paralyzing. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t utter a single sound. My eyes remained clenched as I rode the wave, convincing myself it would never end.

The only thing capable of breaking through the cocoon of ecstasy was Holden’s growly grunt. It grew louder and deeper until I found myself pulled into him, my arms latched around his neck as we sat upright. Either he tugged me up by his hold on my shoulder, or I somehow found the strength to lift myself off the side of the bed and into his arms. I straddled his hips with him on his knees and his arms wrapped around me, guaranteeing his ability to remain in control. With each thrust, he held me tighter and pushed me farther onto him until he couldn’t possibly go any deeper. His girth stretched me in the most delicious way each time he became fully seated within me, and with every stroke, his length deepened his reach inside until the lingering effects of the last orgasm caught me off guard and dragged me back under like a riptide of ecstasy.

This time, I wasn’t silenced. An aching scream tore past my lips while my nails sliced into his flesh. His grunts flooded my ears like music, along with his garbled promises of filling me completely. And then, without warning, he turned to the side and practically tossed me onto the mattress, my back meeting with the soft sheets. He hovered over me, holding himself up with one hand pressed into the comforter next to my head, his other arm still wrapped around my hips. Our cheeks grazed constantly with each move of our frantic bodies, the stubble on his face nearly chafing my skin.

“I need you…” he stammered, voice strained. “Fuck, I need you, baby.”

“You have me.” My reassurance was nothing more than panted words, but it was all I could offer. He’d exhausted every ounce of energy I had, and all I could do now was hold on tight and take what he gave me.

His movements turned rigid and jerky. And with one final thrust, he held himself deep inside me for an elongated beat. He collapsed on my chest before rolling us onto our sides. We were both so spent, neither of us cared how messy the bed was or that we were completely sideways on top of it.

“Oh my God…” I huffed out, in desperate need of air and oxygen and water. I felt depleted of everything a body needed in order to survive, and I wasn’t sure when or how I’d get it back. I barely had enough energy to scratch his cheek, feeling the short, coarse hairs beneath my nails.

“You love being upside down, don’t you?” His question held a note of nostalgia, and it made me wonder what thought or memory played in his head.

“What do you mean?”

When he lifted his lids, his eyes found mine immediately, and even without confirming it with his mouth, I could see a smile dancing in his gaze. “Doesn’t matter. I wasn’t thinking. Just something from that night, but you don’t remember, so it’s a moot question.”

“Maybe you should share it with me.”

He trailed his fingertips along the curve of my waist, over my hip, and along the outer side of my thigh, producing goose bumps on nearly every surface of my skin. “Well, that night…we were kinda all over the place. At one point, you started to slip off the side of the bed while we were right in the middle of it. I tried to pull you up, but you were determined to keep going, mumbling something about feeling weightless.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself along with him. It definitely sounded like something I’d say after having a few drinks. But at least I could state with certainty that I hadn’t ever been in that position—or anything remotely similar—with anyone else. Yet with Holden, I’d managed to dangle off a bed twice.

“If it was anything like just now, I’m sure I enjoyed it immensely.”

“You seemed to enjoy it then, too. I was worried I’d drop you, so I just grabbed you as hard as I could and held on, while continuing to fuck you like you’d begged for. The only parts of your body I could really hold onto were your hips.” His voice rumbled in his chest and vibrated in his throat, intensifying every single sound as I curled closer to him with my leg pulled over his. “You got off twice and were too worn out to pull yourself back up so I had to lift you onto the bed.”

“So that’s where the bruises came from…”

“Yeah…” He let his sentence linger in the air for a moment while I did nothing but wait for him to finish. I could tell he had more to say. “I noticed them the next morning in the bathroom, but with everything going on, I didn’t mention it. It wasn’t until like a week later when I stopped and realized what that must’ve been like for you. To wake up covered in bruises, aware that you’d had sex, but not remember any of it. I honestly thought you probably assumed I was into some kinky shit and so you avoided me.”

I giggled and pushed against his shoulder in jest. “I didn’t think about it too much. I had more important things to ponder. Every single one of my friends had told me how painful losing their virginity was, so I was completely flabbergasted how I had so many bruises and no actual discomfort. Just soreness. And if we’re being honest here, I kind of came to the conclusion that you had a small dick, and that’s why it didn’t hurt.”

He stifled my laughter with a pointed stare. Then he rolled on top of me, pressing my back into the twisted sheets beneath me, and ran his dick along my inner thigh. “Small?”

I swallowed, fighting between being turned on and wanting to finish this conversation. “I’ve got to say, Holden…I’m far more confused now that I know you’re not small.” My breath hitched, and I had to close my eyes the closer to my sex he got. All I could think about was the orgasms he gave me, and how desperate I was to experience it all over again. “How did you not rip me in two? And how in the hell did we have wild monkey sex my first time and I didn’t need a wheelchair the next day?”

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