I Do(n't)

“I’ve missed an entire day. On top of that, I’ve had to leave early on a couple occasions because I had to move around all the furniture so all we had to do was move yours in. I have quite a bit to catch up on, and there’s a chance I won’t get it all done until nine or ten o’clock tonight. I’m trying to finish today so I won’t have to stay late any other day and leave you here alone. If everything goes as planned, I should be able to pull a really long day today—which wouldn’t have been as long if I didn’t have to go in late—and be home tomorrow by six.” He paused, probably to make sure I heard him point out the sacrifices he’d made on my behalf. “You have my number if you need anything, and the address to my office is on the piece of paper along with the number to my direct line.”

Even if I did have something else to say, it wouldn’t have mattered because he didn’t offer me the chance to respond. In fact, he didn’t even say goodbye. He opened the door, stepped outside, and then swiftly closed it behind him. Had I not heard the deadbolt engage, I would’ve assumed he didn’t even stop in his hasty retreat.

There was something about the silence in his absence that felt cold and unwelcoming. Maybe it was the fact he acted like he couldn’t get out of here fast enough, like he couldn’t wait to make his escape from me. It made no sense, considering my being here was his choice in the first place. No…not a choice, a demand. One I had no voice in.

Finding my inner strength, I headed back to my bedroom to unpack, and I didn’t stop until I had everything put away in its new place. I tried every trick in the book to keep myself from watching the time, but that didn’t stop me from noting the fading sunlight through the windows, or the streetlights turning on.

I’d taken a bath and stayed in until the water cooled, yet when I got out, Holden still wasn’t home. I poured a glass of wine and sipped it while flipping through the channels in the living room. I figured this way, when he walked through the front door, it wouldn’t look as though I had waited up for him. Except when I’d finished the wine—sipping the entire bottle—he still wasn’t home. The clock above the cable box read a quarter after eleven, and I couldn’t imagine the kind of desk job that would keep someone there that late.

Then I began to wonder if he was still at work or had gone out to avoid coming home, to avoid seeing me. Maybe he was with a woman. Well, it didn’t take long to realize I despised that thought. I absolutely hated the images it produced. I wanted nothing more than to call his direct line, eager to catch him in a lie—then again, I knew that would do no good. I didn’t have room to be jealous; not to mention, there wasn’t anything I could’ve done about it. He was a grown man, capable of doing whatever he pleased.

I did know one thing for sure, though.

If he was out sleeping with someone, I certainly didn’t want to be waiting up for him when he got home.



I had no idea what time Holden finally arrived home last night, because it was after I’d gone to bed. And by the time I got up this morning, he’d already left for work. Then I started to wonder if he’d come home at all. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the whole situation, but things didn’t seem as bad after a good night’s sleep. If this was how our lives would be for the next six months, I would have no problem getting through it. Honestly, I had no idea what I had been so upset about last night. The less I had to deal with Holden, the better off things would be.

Initially, I’d planned on being with Holden when I broke the news to my parents that I was back in town, though I had made other living arrangements, but considering I hadn’t seen him in the past twenty-four hours and he’d been evasive regarding his schedule, I decided not to wait on him.

“Holden? You’re living with Holden York?” My mother’s voice rose higher each time she said his name, as if he were some Hollywood billionaire and the news of us living together temporarily was so farfetched she had a hard time believing it. “How did that come about?”

Luckily, I’d anticipated these questions and had come up with a very plausible story. “We were talking one day, catching up and whatnot, and I just happened to mention my plans to move back home now that I’ve graduated. I told him I wasn’t thrilled about the idea of moving back in with you and Dad—no offense, Mom, but no twenty-three-year-old college graduate wants to move back in with her parents. I said something about possibly asking Christine and Matt if I could rent a room until I was on my feet with a job and had enough money for my own place, and that’s when Holden said he had extra space. It made more sense than living with my brother and his wife. At least with Holden, there’s only two of us there, not three.”

“I’ve always wished you two would date. He’s such a good guy. So handsome and polite, and he seems like the genuine type who’d treat a girl the way she deserves to be treated. I’ve never seen him with anyone before, but I can just tell. In fact, back when the boys were in high school, I wondered a few times if maybe they were a little more than friends.”

“Mom!” It didn’t matter what her suspicions were or why she had them, I didn’t want to hear about it. “You have the worst habit of seeing a palm tree in the middle of a glacier.”

“Oh, Jelly. That doesn’t even make sense.”

I blinked dramatically, wondering to myself for the umpteenth time what the chances were that I’d been adopted or found in a basket on their front porch. “It makes tons of sense. You see things that aren’t there, yet you run with it. Matt and Holden—especially Holden—entertained quite a few members of the female population. Here. In your house. While you were asleep.”

“What?” She covered her chest with her hand and gaped at me with unadulterated shock painting her features. “How do you know this?”

“I was thirteen, not three. How did you not know about it? You knew they went out back because you constantly had to get on them for not locking the door when they came inside.”

“Yeah…I thought they were trying to find some privacy. Had I known they were entertaining girls, I never would’ve allowed that to happen.”

I held up my hand to keep her from interjecting before I could finish. “So when you assumed they were…together for all intents and purposes, you had no qualms about them sneaking off to do whatever in the back yard after dark. Yet if you would’ve known they were sneaking off to get freaky with the opposite sex, you would’ve put an end to it?”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound wrong. Although, at the time, I assumed he might’ve been having a hard time coming out of the closet, and I didn’t want to make it harder for him. So I figured I was giving them space to be who they were really meant to be.”

“You did acid in the sixties, didn’t you? That’s the only explanation. Lots and lots of acid.”

Mom waved me off and shook her head. “You’re getting off track, Jelly. Let’s get back to you living with Holden. I wasn’t aware you two still spoke to each other. I know you guys used to be close before you left for college, although I guess I assumed that stopped after you moved away.”

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