But I knew women, and Shannon was no virgin.
I moved back, running my lips up the side of her neck and over her chin.
“That was amazing,” I muttered against her skin. “So fucking good.”
I was out of breath, and so was she, but then I heard a tiny sound I’d never heard after having sex.
Pushing back, I looked down into her face, and when I did, a tiny tear rolled down the side of her cheek and landed on the pillow at her side.
“Shannon?”
She swiped at her cheek and turned her face away.
“It’s nothing. Just ignore me.”
Pulling her hands away from her face, I saw the moment more tears rushed from her eyes and down the sides of her face.
“It’s not nothing, babe. Tell me. Did I hurt you?”
I had been a little hard, but only because she had begged for harder. The thought that I might have hurt her made me sick to my stomach.
I rolled onto my side, pulling from her body and taking her with me. I held her in my arms as she cried into my chest. My fingers twirled in her hair, pulling it out of her face so I could look at her clearly.
“Please,” I whispered. “Tell me what I did.”
“It’s nothing you did. I promise. It’s just …” She paused, taking a deep breath that pushed her breast up high. “I’m messed up, Matthew. Really messed up.”
“We’re all a little fucked up, Shannon. That’s nothing to cry about, baby. Whatever it is, anything, you can tell me.”
She slid from beside me, tugging the sheet with her as she covered herself, leaving me naked in my bed. I hated that she was trying to hide her body from me again. All night, she had tried to hide, and every time, I made sure she knew she could never hide from me.
Not ever.
“Stop covering your beautiful body and come here,” I said, leaning onto my elbow.
There would be no leaving my room for the entire day. I wanted to spend all the hours of daylight in bed with her, worshipping her until she passed out from pleasure.
With jerky movements, she began to dress. Sliding her panties and bra onto her body from behind the sheet.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I need to get home.”
Sitting up, I slid to the edge of the bed closest to her. “Excuse me?”
“Home,” she said, snatching her dress from the floor. “I need to go home.”
“I don’t understand. Why don’t you stay here? Stay with me.”
I had just gotten her. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet, and the thought of her leaving was making me feel a bit crazy and reckless.
She stopped, turning toward me, and looked at me.
“I’m sorry. I want to go home.”
I chuckled sarcastically. “You’re joking right now, right? You’re not really going to pull a fuck and run with me? That’s not what’s happening because that would be a really fucked-up case of karma for me.”
Tugging her dress down over her thighs, she finally released the sheet. It fluttered to the floor, and before it even had a chance to hit the wood beneath her feet, she had her purse in her grasp.
“I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?”
“Wait,” I called out. “What’s happening right now? Just tell me what’s going on, Shannon.” I stood, my junk hanging out in all its glory. I’d never been ashamed of my body, and I wasn’t about to start then. “Was I just a booty call for you? Were we still doing the just sex thing? Because I have to be honest, I thought we were past that.”
She didn’t respond.
Instead, she grabbed her shoes from the floor and turned away from me. When she reached the bedroom door, she turned back.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the dim light around us.
Then she was gone.
I heard her on the stairs as she ran down them, and instead of going after her like I wanted to, I stood there confused.
First of all, I had picked her up.
How did she expect to get home?
And secondly, what the fuck just happened?
Snatching the sheet from the floor, I wrapped it around me and ran down the stairs after her, hoping to catch her at the front door, but by the time I got downstairs and pulled the front door open, she was nowhere to be found.
She had left.
She had come into my house, fucked me senseless, and then she ran out, leaving me feeling used for the first time in my entire life. Except I had a feeling I hadn’t been used for sex. Not really. I had a feeling she had used me for something much bigger. Something I couldn’t put my finger on.
Cars drove by, people staring at me as I stood on my front porch in nothing but a white sheet. I turned around and went back inside, closing my door behind me.
I could hardly believe my luck.
Finally, I had found a woman who was okay with a hot and heavy one-night fling. The only problem was, she was the only woman in the world I wanted more from. I had done something stupid. Something I hadn’t meant to do.
I had gone and fallen in love with the only woman in the world who didn’t want to keep me.
EIGHTEEN
SHANNON
I’M IN LOVE WITH MATTHEW ELLIS.
I couldn’t say it out loud yet, but I could think it.
I wasn’t sure how it happened. He was like a thief, creeping into my heart and claiming it as his own.
For so long, I was anti-man. Even the thought of anything with a penis touching me had sickened me, but now it seemed all I could think about was him and the next time I would be with him.
The sex had been amazing and terrifying. Not because I feared Matthew, but because every time he thrusted his body into mine, he sealed a broken piece of me. He replaced the terrible memories with new ones—good ones—memories I could dream about and would dream about for the rest of my life.
The only problem was, the night of release was so extreme that when the morning came, I couldn’t hold back my reaction anymore. I cried sad tears for the bits of life I had missed out on because some asshole decided to take something that wasn’t his to take. I cried happy tears because Matthew had somehow released me and removed the burden from my shoulders.
I’d carried around the sadness for years, and in one night, he had soothed my scars, kissed the rough spots of my soul, and pieced together the girl I used to be.
He would never understand what he did for me, and I could never explain it because my secret was just that … a secret.
I hated that he blamed himself and didn’t know what caused my reaction, but I had to flee. The second I looked up at him and felt the love in my heart I never thought I would feel, I needed to get out of there.
For that exact reason, I knew I had to stay away from Matthew.
He would crush me.
He was a playboy, and what we had was nothing more than a one-night fling. I had asked to get to know him first, and he had granted that wish before giving me the best night of my life.