“I’m confused. What you do you mean willingly? Were you …?”
I couldn’t hear the word come from his mouth. Something about him saying it made it ten times worse. So before he could say it, I did.
“Raped. I was raped.”
I swallowed, feeling like his old house was falling in on me. Crumbling all around me and burying me deep with my broken parts. I’d never said the word aloud before to anyone but my grammy, and seeing his expression somehow made it worse.
Hurt filled his eyes, and they watered.
“I’m so sorry. I was too rough. I should’ve been easier. I don’t know what I …”
I stopped him. Placing my finger over his lips.
“You were perfect. I was so afraid I’d never feel the things I feel with you. So afraid of everything he took away from me. I couldn’t stand the thought of a man touching me. I couldn’t imagine having any kind of a relationship with a male, but you were patient. You let me open up for you. You helped me piece myself back together. And then you showed me what it was like to really make love.”
I told him about the night I never spoke of. I told him about everything my prom date had taken away from me. About the cornfield and the moment I decided it wasn’t worth telling the world. He didn’t ask any questions. He held me while I spilled my deepest, darkest secret. He held me while I cried, pressing soft kisses into my hair and telling me it wasn’t my fault.
And when I finished, I found that telling my story was exhausting. I let him hold me while I slowly closed my eyes and fell asleep feeling as if someone had finally released me from the darkness within.
I was free.
NINETEEN
MATTHEW
I WATCHED HER SLEEP.
Her eyes were puffy from crying and her cheeks flushed. I softly fingered the strands of her red hair, wishing I could take it all away for her—wishing I could erase the memories of his hands on her body—but more importantly, wishing I knew who he was so I could destroy him.
I had asked her his name, but she refused to tell me. She refused any details about him, and I wanted to be angry because she deserved justice, but at the same time, I wanted to be understanding of her need for privacy.
I lay there, needing to lose it on something, feeling like a bomb ready to detonate at any second. Anger squatted inside me, festering and boiling with a rage I had never felt in my entire life. My body trembled, shaking furiously for the desire to crush something in my palms.
She wouldn’t give me a name, but I would find him, and when I did, I would ruin his life the way he had almost ruined hers.
She shifted in her sleep, her face pushing into my chest, and I held her close. Pressing a kiss on her forehead, I silently made a promise to her that no one would ever hurt her again. She would never want for anything. Never feel the stress of life on her shoulders.
She was mine, and I would always take care of her.
My phone lit up at my side, illuminating the space around us. Before the ringing grew louder, I picked it up and checked to see who it was.
Jonathan’s name moved across the screen, his number following.
He never called. He favored texting, which was why I answered. If he was calling, something must be wrong.
“Hey. What’s up?” I answered.
A bit of static moved over the line, letting me know he was on the yacht.
“Nothing much. We’re having a birthday party for Curtis tonight on the yacht. You coming?”
There was music in the background, and the sound of women giggling.
I looked over at Shannon sleeping and decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to take her out at that moment. Not to mention, I wasn’t sure I wanted Shannon anywhere near the gun slinging and possible drugs.
“I don’t know, man,” I said into the phone. “I’m hanging out with my girl.”
Jonathan chuckled, a bit of a slur in his laughter letting me know he had started the party earlier in the day. “Your girl, huh? It’s like that now?”
“Yeah. My girl. And it’s definitely like that.”
He went silent and only the sounds of music and laughing came through the phone. I was worried he would have something sarcastic to say, but he surprised me when he said, “Well, hell, man. Bring her with you. I want to meet this goddess who managed to catch Matthew Ellis.”
I chuckled and opened my mouth to turn down his invitation, but Shannon sat up and grinned at me.
“I don’t mind if you want to go,” she said.
“Hold on a second, man,” I said into the phone before pressing it against my chest so he couldn’t hear our conversation.
“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No. I was kind of in and out, but I could hear your conversation. If your friends have a birthday party, you should be there. Let’s go.”
“Are you sure?” I still didn’t feel like she was ready. “He’s into some pretty hardcore shit. I don’t know if I want you around him.”
She giggled. “You’re so cute. Tell him we’ll be there.”
I placed a soft kiss on her lips before pulling the phone away from my chest.
“Okay, man, you win. Be there soon.”
WE WENT BACK TO HER APARTMENT SO SHE COULD GET SOME CLOTHES.
When we stepped through the door, Lilly and Devin were sitting on the couch. Lilly’s expression was one of shock, but when I looked at Devin, he shook his head and grinned.
“Um, anything you want to tell me, Shannon?” Lilly asked.
I snorted. “Yeah, babe, anything you want to tell her?”
Shannon blushed, prompting me to move in and kiss her on the cheek.
“Yeah, ah, we’re kind of seeing each other,” she said, motioning back and forth between us.
Devin laughed. “It’s about damn time they come clean about it.”
Lilly smacked him in the chest and grinned.
“Wait ...” Shannon started. “You knew?”
Lilly nodded. “Ever since the night Dev caught him sneaking out of the apartment.”
I sat on the couch talking with Lilly and Devin while Shannon took a shower and got dressed to go to Curtis’s birthday party. While there, I opened up to them about my motives, explaining my revenge plot and the reason I went after Lilly. Lilly nodded, understanding with a sad smile on her face Devin squeezed my shoulder. “Damn, bro, I’m sorry. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend.”
I waved it away. “No worries, man. She wasn’t worth it. I know that now.”
“Well, still, it fucking sucks. I’m glad we can move past that shit. Lilly hated that we had tension. Especially when I told her and you Shannon were hooking up.”
It felt good to gain Devin’s friendship again, and it came in handy since I was determined to be in Shannon’s life. Lilly was a big part of Shannon’s world, so I didn’t want there to be any tension.
Twenty minutes later, Shannon came into the living room looking amazing in a knee-length black dress and heeled booties. Her long, shapely legs glistened in the living room lighting and the gloss on her lips sparkled.
She’d curled her scarlet hair into a beautiful set of ringlets, and she had put just a tiny bit of mascara on her eyes to make the green stand out.