I wished it could be more, but I knew in the back of my mind I could never give my all to a man, and he would never give his all to a woman. We were better off letting it go. At least, I was better off letting it go. As far as Matthew was concerned, I was just another girl in his life he had sampled.
Once the Uber dropped me off at my apartment, I went inside and headed straight to the shower. Peeling my dress from my body, I thought about the places he had touched and kissed. When I stood beneath the steaming water, I did so with a secret smile knowing I’d had the one thing I never thought I would.
A beautiful sexual experience with a gorgeous man and a heart full of love.
I couldn’t keep him, but he would always be my precious moment. A wondrous night in my life of just passing through.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERSON I COULD TURN TO ABOUT MATTHEW.
That was my grammy.
Mostly because I could tell her anything and she wouldn’t remember it. She was my sounding board, a silent listener who could give me advice before it was erased from the world and only left in my mind.
“Hey, Grammy,” I said when I entered her room.
I tossed the bag with a dress I had bought her on the bed.
She looked up from her sewing and smiled. “Hey, hon, how are you? I was hoping you’d stop by today.”
I paused, my purse sliding down my arm and onto her bed. She was more lucid than she had been in weeks. Trying to hide my shock, I went back and closed the door to her room.
“I’m great. What do you have there?” I asked.
“Oh, just sewing something for Edna’s daughter. She’s having her first great-granddaughter in the next few months.”
“That’s nice of you.”
She held up the tiny pink dress and smiled.
“That’s adorable, Grams.”
She nodded. “You know how much I love all things pink. How’s work been?”
I sat on the edge of her bed, waiting for the second when she would go away.
“Work’s been good. Just staying busy.”
“Good. Staying busy is good for the body.”
I sat silently, watching as she acted completely normal. Tears sprang to my eyes. I missed her so much, and lately, I had been feeling very lonely. Except for Matthew, I hadn’t really been around anyone else.
Moving from the bed, I kneeled in front of her and hugged her around the waist.
“Oh, my. What’s this about?” she asked, running her fragile fingers through my hair.
“I just miss you.”
“Aw, honey, I’m here. I’m always here.”
She wouldn’t always be there, though. It was only a matter of time before she went away again. I hated that she was going through this terrible disease and I couldn’t do anything to help her.
“I’m sorry, Grammy,” I muttered.
“Now, don’t you go feeling bad for putting me in this place. It’s nice here, and I’ve made a lot of friends. Plus, we both know I’m much too old to live alone anymore. I’ve accepted that, and it’s good that you do, too. Understand?”
I nodded against her lap. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Now, tell me what’s going on with you. I can see it in your eyes that something’s bothering you. I’ve been able to tell your heart in your eyes ever since you were just a little girl.”
I leaned back and took advantage of her lucidity.
“I’m in love, Grammy,” I said.
It felt odd saying it aloud, but in a way, it was therapeutic.
She grabbed the sides of my face, her frail fingers tangling in my hair. “I’m so happy to hear this, honey.”
We talked.
She asked me questions, and I explained the situation with Matthew. Once I got everything having to do with him out, I opened up about my dark secret, letting the demons out and knocking even more weight off my shoulders.
“I remember him,” she said when I told her who it was and when. “Your prom date. He seemed like such a nice boy, but I guess you never really know someone.”
I nodded, tears streaming down my face.
“It’s the strangest thing,” she said. “I’ve been having nightmares about a crescent-shaped birthmark for years, and now you’re telling me the boy who hurt you has one. I think that was God’s way of telling me you needed me.”
She held me close, wiping away my tears as she had when I was growing up. She captured my face in her hands and said, “Honey, I wish you had come to me. I would have taken care of you. I would have made sure that little bastard paid for his crimes.”
I looked up into my grammy’s aging eyes and saw tears forming there.
“We’ll make sure he pays. It’s time you come clean and tell the police, honey. And as far as your new friend goes, you sink your hooks into him and you don’t ever let go. Sometimes, we only get one go at a great thing, so you can’t pass it up. If you do, it may never come around your way again. I grabbed your pop many years ago, and I didn’t let go until the Lord wanted him back. I’d like to think life gives you more than one precious moment. I know I got more than one the day I found you on my front steps, but we can’t be sure that’s the case for everyone. If you think this guy is your moment, you tell him.”
I nodded. “I will. I’ll tell him.”
I didn’t know if it was the mention of Pop or if it was the pain of my secret, but no sooner than those words left her mouth did she shift, going far away and forgetting me completely in a matter of seconds.
“I’m sorry. Can I help you?” she asked, her lingering tears from my story still sliding down her wrinkled cheeks.
I left her room feeling lighter, yet I felt sad knowing one day my grammy would be gone forever. One day, she would slip away and never return. When that moment came, I wasn’t sure how I would handle it. Even considering it made me feel sick to my stomach with grief.
I took the hallways slowly, in no rush to get to work. Lilly was there already, and I knew she didn’t technically need me. I was the one who needed the paycheck. Not her who needed the help.
My eyes skimmed over the hallway décor, landing on the water fountain on the side waiting for someone to stop and take a drink. I turned the corner onto the shorter hallway, and he was there.
Matthew.
I barely had time to register what was happening before he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into yet another closet.
The door slammed behind us, and I was spun around and pressed into the back of the door. His handling should have freaked me out, but the one thing I knew about Matthew was he would never hurt me physically.
Mentally, I wasn’t so sure about.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We need to talk.” His blue eyes were blazing. He looked disheveled, his shirt untucked and his hair wild as if he had been tugging on it.
“About what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Shannon. You’re a smart girl. You know what I’m talking about.”
“I don’t have time for this.” I pulled away, ready to flee, but before I could get far, he pressed my back against the door, forced his thigh between my legs, and kissed me.
My response was rapid. I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him back like the moment was the last moment I would ever get with him.
“I’m obsessed with you,” he said over my lips, reaching down and unzipping his jeans.