Hate To Love You

“You didn’t know it was Parker?”

I shook my head. “I knew about the incident, but I never knew it was Parker. I might’ve heard, but I was four years younger than Blake. I only knew his friends. I didn’t know anyone else in his grade. I just knew it had been some guy.”

“I’m sorry.” Shay squeezed my hands, dropping a soft kiss to them.

I relished that small graze before I kept going. “It was like a bomb went off when Blake did get home. Parker came over for a dinner, a kind of ‘meet the parents’ thing, but it was Blake he was meeting. My mom was meeting him for the first time, too.”

Yelling.

Dishes shattered.

My mom yelped in surprise, and that stopped Blake from flinging a chair into the wall. He lowered it and pointed to the door. “Get out! NOW!”

“Parker left that night. So did I.” I met Shay’s eyes, saw the sympathy there, and knew I didn’t deserve it. “I chose sides that night. I chose Parker’s.”

“Kenz,” Shay murmured, rubbing my hand between his. “You can’t blame yourself. You were a kid. He was playing a game with you.”

“I lost the game. He slept with my best friend a month later. I walked in on them. He had her bent over the bed, and they dated for the rest of the year.” I could see them walking down the hallways, holding hands. “They laughed at me, almost every time they saw me for the rest of the year.”

“What an asshole.”

It still stung. I felt it in my side. “Yeah.”

“Hey.” His voice grew husky. He tipped my head up to meet his eyes. “Nothing right will happen for him. You know that, right? If he did that shit back in high school, he’ll do worse now. He’ll keep going until something bad happens to him. Guys like that get fucked in the end. They always do.”

No. They didn’t always, but I did feel a bit better. “Thank you for that.”

“For what?”

I shrugged. “For making some of the regret go away.”

“That?” He waved that off, standing. “That was nothing.”

I leaned back.

He started to crawl onto the bed.

I scooted farther back, making room for him, and after I was all the way to the headboard, he paused. He rested his legs over me, but he didn’t sit down. He was half-kneeling over me, bending down so we were looking each other in the eyes.

He dropped his voice, almost to a whisper. “We’re not really a serious kind of couple. I mean, we can be.”

We shared a look, both thinking of my attack.

He kept on, “But you know what I mean. You made me laugh from the beginning.” He cupped the side of my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek, lingering by my lips. “The feistier you got, the more I became entranced. I wanted to push your buttons. I wanted to see life flood to your eyes, make your face warm. I wanted to see the sparkle come back. It was like it took over you. It transformed you. Like you were on autopilot until something I said or did pissed you off. It could’ve been just a look, or hell, if I put my foot on the back of your chair.”

I stiffened. “I hated that.”

“See.” He chuckled, his eyes damn near melting me. “A switch flipped on just now. You’re here. You’re fine. You’re normal, and then you get mad, and it’s as if you glow. You light up the room.” He rested on the bed beside me, catching me and turning me so I was half-lying on him. He brushed some of my hair back, and I tilted my head to see him better.

I asked, “I’m like a neon light?”

“Exactly.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s your romantic speech?”

“Romantic speech? We have to do speeches now in this relationship?” He sat up, caught my waist, and lifted me to straddle him.

I gazed down at him, resting my hands on his stomach. He leaned back, folding his hands behind his head. He looked like he was a king and didn’t have a care in the world at that moment.

“Maybe we should.” I raised my chin up in a challenge. “Maybe you have to tell me five good things about me every da—”

“Sexy. Hot.” He was listing them off with his fingers. “Funny. Smart. Spunky.” His grin turned smug. “Your turn.”

I laughed, finishing, “—ay, and I’ll do the same for you.”

He sat up again, taking me by surprise, but he only ran his hands down my arms to my waist. They slid up under my shirt, and he angled his head to look me in the eyes. Our lips were only inches apart. “You’re supposed to compliment me, Clarke.”

“Ha-ha.” But I was game. “Fine. You’re sexy and hot.”

“Think of new words. Don’t copy mine.”

I changed without missing a beat. “Handsome and drool-worthy gorgeous—”

“Much better.” His smile grew.

My body heated as his hand began to explore, moving farther up my back. I added, hitching on a note, “You’re smart. Kind. You support me.”

“You know what else I’m good at?”

“What?” His hand circled over my ribs and slipped under my bra before cupping my breast. I had a good idea what he was going to say, but I waited.

I loved waiting.

He murmured huskily, “I’m damned good in bed.”

His lips covered mine, and the past fled from my mind.

Everything fled, clothes included.





I was in my new dorm floor’s bathroom, getting ready for bed. It was later that night, around two in the morning, so it was technically the next day. Kristina and Casey came over and watched movies in the living room with Linde and the same group of friends. Shay and I joined after another hour spent in bed, and the whole night had been fun. Beer. Pizza. Movies. And laughter, lots of laughter. Linde’s friends, whoever they were, had been nice. A few of the girls gave me a dark look when Shay pulled me onto his lap, but some of their other roommates joined us and the girls were distracted in no time.

Shay drove us back. Casey left her car there since she and Kristina both had a few too many beers. They were in the room now, laughing about something on the computer, but I was actually tired. I grabbed my bathroom caddy and was finishing up when a girl came in.

She went down a few sinks from mine.

I gave her the hello smile when she first came in, but I hadn’t spoken. I felt her attention after a few seconds. She kept looking over, until she was done washing her hands. Then, she just stood there. Her face was turned toward me, her hands resting on the sink.

“You’re dating Shay Coleman.” She added, “You’re his girlfriend. You’re the one who got attacked last semester.”

I hadn’t been expecting that, but a feeling that I knew her took root in me.

Maybe?

There was nothing that stood out about her.

She was slender, hair that went past her shoulders, and brown eyes. Her eyes were set a little too far apart and her nose seemed a little too big for her face. She had thin lips.

I tried to remember . . .

“Have we met before?”

“No.”

Oh.

“Okay.” I swallowed over a lump. “What’s your name?”