Hate To Love You

I couldn’t answer. My throat was momentarily paralyzed.

“Kennedy?” He reached over, brushing the back of his knuckles over my cheek.

I felt a tear forming and cleared my throat. I managed a smile. “I’m fine. Just . . . I don’t talk about the attack that much. It still affects me.”

He frowned, his hand falling away. “I’ve noticed. Am I supposed to ask you about it? I don’t really know my role regarding that area. Should I just let you talk when you want to? Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t even be asking you this right now.” He looked so torn, and I took pity on him.

I caught his hand, squeezing it. “You’re doing just fine. I don’t like to think about it, honestly, but I know I have to, and when I need to talk, I will.”

He nodded. “Okay. Well, I’m here. You know that, right?” He gestured between us, a half-grin appearing. “I mean, the sex is fucking fantastic, but I’m here for the serious stuff, too.”

I matched his grin. “You always know the right things to say.”

His half-grin formed into a full one, and he leaned over. He whispered, his lips meeting mine as I met him halfway, “You know it. That’s why you’re dating me, because I say the right things.”

I barked out a laugh, opening the door and getting out. “Right. Totally PC, too.”

“You’re damn straight.” He winked.

I laughed once more, giving him a small wave. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Have fun with your friends. Call me if you want to see me tonight. Otherwise, I’ll call later.”

I nodded and then headed in as he pulled away. There were people outside the diner who’d recognized Shay and his Jeep, but I ignored the looks as they watched me walk inside. I had a feeling it’d be like that for the rest of my time dating him.

The diner wasn’t too crowded when I went inside. Most students were just arriving back that day. It was close to noon, and I had no doubt the place would be packed in the evening. Everyone would want to catch up with their friends.

Kristina and Casey waved from a back booth. Sarah and Laura were there, and they turned to give me welcoming smiles.

Casey pulled out her phone when I got to the table. “You’re only two minutes late. Holy shit, woman. I was for sure you and that hot man of yours would try for a quickie.” She whistled. “I’m impressed.”

“Ha-ha.” I nodded hello to everyone, dropping into the seat beside Sarah and across from Kristina.

A large pizza was on the table, and everyone had one or two pieces on their plates. I asked, noting the pizza didn’t look touched, “Is this the second pizza you ordered?”

Kristina nodded. “We were hungry.”

Casey grunted. “We were hungover. Pizza cures that shit.”

Sarah and Laura laughed, grabbing their pieces to nibble on.

“Did you have fun last night?”

Casey choked on her piece. “You’re going to have to be more specific. Our girl lives a pretty active life.”

Kristina’s cheeks pinked, but she rolled her eyes. “Last night, movies at Shay’s house. Did you have fun?”

“I did. Did you?”

She nodded. “Linde’s a lot of fun. He’s a good guy.”

Casey asked, “Is he single?”

I frowned. “Why? Are you interested?”

Casey lifted up a shoulder. “Maybe.”

I frowned again. “What about my brother?”

“You want the details on your brother’s love life?” Sarah laughed as she asked me.

I didn’t, but I saw the look in Casey’s eyes. I was thinking I was going to find out more than I wanted.

Casey leaned forward, propping her elbows on the table. “I have a thing for your brother. I don’t think he has one for me. I haven’t talked to him in forever.”

“Really?”

I was surprised. I asked Gage to back off, but he hadn’t, and then I stopped caring.

I was thinking back over the holiday. “I don’t remember him talking about other girls when we were home. Usually, he’ll mention one or two. That’s why you asked about Linde?” I didn’t wait for her answer. I dropped my voice. “He’s a great guy.”

“I know.” Her head lowered. “That’s why I’m asking.”

I didn’t know what to say, and I also didn’t see any waitresses around the place. Spotting a few people going to their tables with trays of food, I asked, “Do I need to go up and order?”

Kristina didn’t answer. She started to slip out of the booth. “I’ll go with you.” Once we were out of earshot, she asked, “You okay? Is it weird with the whole Casey/Gage/Linde thing?”

There was a line at the counter to order, and we stood at the end. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“I think she doesn’t want to get hurt. She’s a bit sensitive after, you know.”

The rape.

My attack.

The aftereffects would never end, I was realizing.

“Yeah. I get that.”

We moved forward with the line. We were three people away, and I began to scan the boards to figure out what I wanted to order.

“You and Shay are doing good?”

I remembered the moment just minutes ago in his Jeep, where I didn’t want to talk about my attack, but should, and that I was falling in love with him. My throat burned again. I could relate to Casey not wanting to get hurt. “We have fun together.”

“Just fun?”

I nodded. “Fun. Sex. Talking. The whole thing. He was really great after my attack last semester.”

I could feel her watching me.

One person away.

Fuck. I needed to find something to order.

“What’s going on here? I’m missing something.”

I said, “I’m missing what I want to eat. You guys ordered pizza. I could eat that, too, maybe?”

“What’s going on with you?”

The last person stepped aside. It was my turn. The guy had a pad of paper ready for my order. Shit, shit, shit. I was under the gun.

“Just a soda.”

He wrote it down and then rang it up on the register. “You sure? Nothing else?”

My thoughts were scrambled so I said the first thing I read from the board, “Mozzarella sticks.”

“Okay.” He gave me the total, and I handed over my cash. After he gave me the empty cup to fill, I moved to stand by the window and wait for them to call my order. I’d forgotten this was how the diner operated, but Kristina waited with me.

I suggested, “You can go back. You don’t have to wait with me.”

She snorted. “Right, and let you get off the hook? I think not.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Which was the truth. Kind of. Then I blurted out, “I love him.”

“You love Shay?”

“No.” I threw her a look. “I love Linde. We have a wild and forbidden passion for each other. Of course, it’s Shay. He’s the guy I’m dating.”

“I know.” She held her hands up. “You hold your cards close to your chest. I just wanted to make sure.”