Hate To Love You

Shay woke me the next morning by trailing kisses up my naked back. He was braced over me, and I looked, my head buried into the pillow. “Morning.”

He grinned, dropping one last kiss to the back of my shoulder. “Morning.” He jumped over me in one smooth and lithe movement, landing quietly on the floor where he didn’t pause as he bent down and scooped up my phone. He tossed it to land on the bed where he just vacated. “Your friends keep calling you. The buzzing woke me up.”

“My friends?” I rolled over to grab it, pulling his sheet to cover my breasts. How did he know? But he was right. He went into the bathroom in his naked gloriousness, and I opened the first text from Kristina when I heard the shower turn on.

Kristina: Hey, girl! Get back here. C, S, L, and I are going to the campus diner for food. Your presence is necessary!

Another text an hour later.

Kristina: Okay. We’re seriously going. Getting dressed. I’m going to unleash Casey on you. She’s about to start calling.

Casey: Roommate dinner. Now! Where are you?

Five minutes after that one.

Casey: Okay. Correction. S and L are coming, but we’re all going to be roommates one day. Get your cute ass here now!

Then the phone calls started.

I had one every five minutes.

My phone started ringing, and I hit answer, not needing to see who it was first. “Morning, Casey.”

“AH! You’re awake? You guys stopped having sex?”

I laughed, rolling to my side with my back to the bathroom. The shower had stopped, and I didn’t need to get more distracted than I already was. I tucked the phone close to my ear. “Ha-ha. We just woke up.”

“It’s eleven in the morning.”

“And we didn’t get to sleep—”

Shay said, coming back into the room, “Does she really have to know that?”

I changed, “—later than when I left.”

“Hm-mm.” A knowing grunt came from her. “Okay. Listen, we were going to meet the girls there now, but we’ll wait another thirty minutes. Can you get here by then? We want you to come today. It was a whole tradition we started last semester, and you’re a part of it now.”

Warmth spread over me, and I sat up, meeting Shay’s gaze. “Yeah. Just go there. I have clothes here. I can change and meet you guys.”

Shay frowned, ducking his head to pull a shirt on. He already pulled on some jeans, but he didn’t buckle them.

“Okay. We will see you there, then!”

I hung up and said, pulling my knees up against my chest, “They’re doing a dinner thing, but I think it’s a lunch thing.”

He grabbed his socks and shoes and padded over to sit next to me. “In that case, I better leave the room while you’re in the shower. I don’t trust myself.” He leaned over, kissing me, and I sighed. I fell into him, and he growled, picking me up to sit on his lap. I wound my arms around his neck, still kissing, and it wasn’t long before he began tugging that sheet away from me.

“No, no.” I stood, taking the sheet with me. “You take this off, and we won’t be leaving until long after I was supposed to be there.” I whisked it around me, grinning over my shoulder. “Don’t come into the shower.”

He laughed, raking a hand through his wet hair. “Christ. I think I’m addicted to you.” He grabbed his own phone and gestured for the door, taking his keys and wallet, too. “I’ll be downstairs.”

After a quick shower, I decided to let my hair air-dry and pull it into a braid later. I grabbed clean clothes from a drawer I’d been using, dressed, and headed downstairs.

I found Shay sitting on the back patio. He was talking with more people I didn’t recognize, and all said bye when we took off.

We had five minutes to get there.

I asked, after we were in his Jeep and heading back, “Who were those people?”

“One of our roommates goes to a different college in town. Those were some of his buddies.”

“I thought it was only football players in the house?”

“Nah.” He shook his head. “Most of us are football players, but we have two who aren’t. One is Linde’s cousin. He’s the dude who goes to the other college. Those were his friends, but we got another guy I know from high school. That’s why Cameron was at the house that night. He’s good buddies with the same guy. He stayed to hang out with him.”

Cameron.

Who was dating the gorgeous Sabrina.

Whose sister was on my floor.

I was hearing about the high school buddy he and Shay shared now?

None of it was sitting right with me. I didn’t know why. I mean, Shay and I didn’t have a lot of serious talks, like he said earlier, but a girl should maybe know certain things about the guy she’s sleeping with.

Right?

Then again, we started dating under extenuating circumstances. Fuck. We started making out and sleeping together under extenuating circumstances. I’d practically been living with him for a month and a half before holiday break.

Some of these conversations should’ve come up then.

Maybe?

But no. I was attacked. I was dealing with that whole situation. The normal conversations a guy and a girl starting to date have didn’t happen. It was like we were playing catch-up. It felt weird to be the one asking the questions. I didn’t want to be the girlfriend who’d appear like she was nagging or needling for information.

The whole thing gave me a hot rash.

I needed to think about something else. “I have a counselor appointment at the end of the week.”

Good one, Clarke. I cringed at myself. That was what I went with? My counselor?

“Yeah? You want a ride there?”

I shook my head. “You have classes, I think. I can drive myself.”

“You’re not seeing the one on campus?”

Another shake of my head. “I liked the hospital one better, so I’m going back to her.”

“That’s good.” He glanced over to me, pulling into campus now. “That you’re continuing with the sessions. I know that was a criteria for school last semester, but you’re keeping it up.”

“Yeah. Well.” I had to talk to someone about it. It never worked its way into my normal daily conversations, with reason. I didn’t like talking about it.

“Well?” He took another right, turning into the parking lot by the campus diner.

“What?”

“You said ‘well.’ What’d you mean by that?”

“Oh.” He stopped in front of the diner, and I reached for the door handle.

“Hey.” He softened his tone. “Look at me.”

I did, holding on to that door handle so tightly my knuckles strained. “Yeah?”

I didn’t want to look into his eyes. I didn’t want to see the kindness, sympathy, concern, all those emotions and qualities that had me fall for him as fast as I did, despite how I fought against it. But I looked, and I was hooked, like every time he smiled at me, brushed a hand over my face, tucked some hair behind my ear, or kissed me in that so-gentle way he did sometimes. It made my heart speed up, and I was feeling the repercussions all over again.

Fucking A.

I was falling in love.

“You okay?”