There was something agonizing and desperate in the way his mouth moved against mine, as I tried to follow the momentum of his lips. My hands reached up, trying to touch him, but he intercepted them. Gripping both of my wrists in one of his hands, placing them above my head on the wall.
He couldn’t let me touch him.
He wouldn’t be able to control himself.
And Damien was all about control, even though he was losing himself with me, right then and there.
His grasp burned against my wrists. Searing and scarring me in ways I may never be able to recover from. With his other fingers, he ran them down the length of my arm, stopping when he reached my face. It felt like he wanted to caress my body, cup my breasts, and make me moan from his touch.
Make. Me. His.
Instead, he brushed my cheek and down the back of my neck. Pulling me closer to him, but not nearly close enough. I wanted him to mold us into one person, forever a part of one another. My body curved into his as my inexperienced tongue pushed into his mouth, causing him to groan at the taste of me. I tried to follow each and every lead he was giving me. Praying I was doing it justice, having the same effect on him that he was on me.
“Damien…” I moaned, causing him to simultaneously pull away.
He released my wrists, and I whimpered at the loss of his warmth as he placed his hands on the sides of my face. Caging me in with his arms, everything felt right and I never wanted to leave. He hovered above me, panting for air. Both of us trying to find our bearings. I didn’t want to open my eyes, terrified that this would be an illusion of my lovestruck mind. It wasn’t until I finally opened them that I saw what I had so urgently needed to see.
Love.
His love for me.
Just as quickly as I saw it, he turned and left. Fully aware that he let his guard down, allowing me in. For the first time in his life, I controlled him. Even if it was only for a few minutes.
Petrifying him more than anything had in a long time.
He was mine.
And I had always known that…
After our kiss, he left. I didn’t feel the need to follow after him, mostly because I knew a part of me still lingered on his mouth. I just laid back down on his bed, making myself comfortable, incessantly rubbing my fingers over my swollen lips. Tasting him all over again, and he wasn’t even there. I thought about Damien in a way I never had before, and it put a smile on my face. A different kind of smile. In that moment, I felt older. More mature in my fifteen-year-old skin. It was amazing how one kiss could instantly change a girl, and I was no exception.
The sound of Damien's footsteps coming down the hall, back into his room, brought me out of my desirable, pleasurable thoughts. I instantly rolled over to my side, putting my back toward the door. Pretending like I was sleeping. I heard him shuffling around, opening and closing drawers. Making his way into the en-suite bathroom and turning on the shower. There was something mischievous about knowing Damien was only a few feet away naked, vulnerable, and exposed. The feeling sent tingles to all sorts of uncharted places on my body, mind, and soul. It thrilled me, filling my mind with thoughts I never considered before that night.
The bathroom door opened minutes later, and out walked Damien filling the space with steam and his masculine fresh scent. He shut all the blinds and curtains, making sure the early morning dawn disappeared, and possibly the world too. Replacing it with the comfort of the darkness that we were both acquainted to. The way he effortlessly moved around the room, made me wonder if he’d spent a lot of mornings just like this. Coming home when the sun was starting its day. A sense of jealously washed over me, thinking he was with a woman, and if she had been lying where I was right now.
Waiting for him like me.
As soon as I felt the bed dip behind me, I stopped thinking. At least about his other conquests. Once again waiting for his next move. Nothing happened for what felt like forever, but I swear I could feel his conflicting emotions soaring through me. As if I was the one experiencing them firsthand. I inadvertently began to follow the soft rhythm of his breathing like I did every time after a nightmare had reared its ugly head. The gentle lull slowly rocked me back to sleep. Before I knew it, I was dozing off, about to slip into a deep sleep when I thought I felt his arm wrap around my stomach, turning me over to rest my head on his chest.
I sighed in contentment, melting into his warm frame. Allowing myself to relax under his feather touch as he lazily rubbed my back and played with my hair like all he needed was to have me close to his heart.
I was convinced I must have been dreaming because I woke up the next afternoon alone. My eyes sleepily searched the room for any sign of Damien. He wasn’t there.
The smell of coffee flowed into the bedroom, lifting me from my blissful haze. I sat up, taking a second to stretch, still exhausted from the night’s events. Wanting to hop in the shower to rinse away the filth I felt coating my skin, I figured it might be better to give Damien more alone time that he obviously desired. I jumped into the warm water cascading from the showerhead above, not taking long to wash my hair and body. Using all of Damien’s toiletries made me giddy. Knowing I would be able to take home his scent on every inch of my skin.
I grabbed a towel when I was done, wrapping it around my chest, and made my way toward his bedroom. Deciding at the last second to grab one of his crème button-down shirts from his closet, instead. My wet hair was dripping down his shirt like crazy, but I didn’t care. I wanted to go see him.
He was outside leaning against the balcony railing with his back to me, lost in thought. I hated seeing him like that. It was the worst feeling in the world. He didn’t hear me approach as I snuck up behind him, wrapping my arms around his muscular torso. Causing him to stiffen from my embrace. He instantly grabbed ahold of my wrists, dropping my arms to the side, and walked back into his apartment without saying a word. Rejecting my touch.
He had never done that before.
I stepped back inside. “Hey…”
He froze in his living room, taking a second to turn around to face me. His eyes immediately roamed my body. I never wanted to know what he was thinking more than in that second, but he hadn’t met my eyes yet.
Until he did.
He looked exhausted, as if he hadn’t slept at all, but that wasn’t what had my attention. It was the fact that his kind, honey-colored eyes looked dark with no light in them whatsoever.
He suddenly cocked his head to the side, rasping, “Did I say you could wear my shirt? Looking like one of my whores doesn’t suit you, Mu?eca.”
I jerked back from the forceful impact of his words. My smile fell from my lips as he stared at me harshly.
“You shouldn’t wear a man’s shirt when you don’t belong to him,” he added, never taking his eyes off mine.
“Please… don’t do this,” I whispered, loathing I had to say that after everything that happened last night. I thought today would be different.
We would be different.