My stomach was in knots, my heart was in my throat, and I swear I felt like I was going to either throw up or pass out. My anxiety for what was to come lived and breathed in my blood. It pumped in my veins and produced a piercing vibration at my temples. I ignored the looming feeling that I felt in the depths of my soul. Pressing my fingers to my lips, feeling the last place he ever touched me. It fabricated a false illusion that he was still mine, even though something told me he never was to begin with.
The closer I got, the louder her moans became. Mixed somewhere between pleasure and pain. I barely had time to contemplate what I was doing, before I was standing in the doorway witnessing yet another one of my worst nightmares. I swear I stopped breathing, and a rush of adrenaline shot through my core. It was like witnessing a tragic accident, wanting so badly to look away, but I couldn’t take my stare off the vision before me. She was on all fours, naked at the edge of the bed. Left in nothing but black stiletto high heels. Her wrists were handcuffed out in front of her, and there was a blindfold over her eyes. Damien was behind her, fisting her hair and yanking her head back as he roughly thrust in and out of her. Each movement driving another dagger deep into my heart.
I couldn’t help how my eyes gravitated toward his muscular, toned physique. I took in every curve, regarded every cut ab, how he had these V lines in his lower abdomen. The way the sweat glistened off his body in the moonlight, pooling at his temples. How his long, wavy brown hair was slicked back, accentuating his chiseled jaw that tensed with every movement of his tight body. Down to the way his fingers dug into her voluptuous hips.
I shut my eyes, glancing back at her instead. Feeling my eyes begin to water from the scene unfolding in front of me, I immediately blinked and shook them away as rapidly as they appeared. Hearing the smacking sound of their skin on skin contact, bringing me right back to the reality that was in front of me. I watched with unforgiving eyes as he manipulated and controlled her body.
Her pleasure.
All of it.
Even her mind.
It was animalistic and primal the way he was vigorously taking her from behind.
The pain I experienced was like being on the receiving end of a loaded gun. I just never imagined that Damien would be the one aiming it at me. It wasn’t until I heard her yell out, “I love you!” her body shaking profusely, that I loudly gasped.
Damien immediately looked up, and I placed my hand over my mouth, realizing what I had just done. His eyes locked with mine, staying like that for several seconds. Or it could’ve been hours, time just sort of stood still as tears streamed down my face. There was no controlling them any longer.
He didn’t even bother pulling out of her as his dark, vacant pools continued barring into mine. Not providing me any of the comfort he knew I needed more than ever before. His girlfriend didn’t even hear me, lost in her own euphoria. I didn’t bother wiping away my tears, I wanted him to see my heart breaking, feel it bleeding out in front of him. And for a split-second, I thought he did. Right when I felt his eyes starting to turn into the man’s I needed, he blinked it away.
Firmly gripping onto his girlfriend’s hips with so much force, passionately thrusting into her again. He snaked his hand that was fisting her hair to the front of her neck, pulling her back against his chest by her throat. Not letting go of his hold, he used his other hand to control the rhythm of her hips. Making her sway her ass on him like they were doing an intimate, sinful dance. He was no longer just fucking her; he was now making love to her.
Seeing their bodies joined together like that, in such a familiar way, was one of the hardest things I’d ever have to see. He waited until I saw what he was doing, until he had a direct shot at my heart, until he knew I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Until…
Until…
Until…
He started to run his nose along the side of her neck, gently trailing kisses, never breaking our connection. Controlling me in the same way he was her. It was as if he was fucking with my heart and mind while he was fucking her from behind. I should’ve expected what happened next, but I didn’t.
Finally proving to me that he really was another monster after all.
As soon as he reached her ear, he sucked it between his teeth and growled, “I love you, too, mi luz.” He called her his light.
Pulling the trigger into my heart.
Finishing me off completely.
I walked into Rosarío’s house with my girl, Evita, clinging to my arm. Nervously fidgeting with a strand of her blonde hair. It was the first time I was introducing her to my family. Between her and Rosarío constantly riding my ass, wanting to meet one another for the last year and a half, I had no choice but to finally cave. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to fucking do. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Evita—she was sweet, funny, humble. Not to mention, she was fucking gorgeous. She was five-feet-six and had legs that went on for days.
The problem laid with not wanting to hurt Amira anymore. I had already done enough of that for a lifetime. Since the night she walked in on me fucking Evita over a year ago, Amira officially backed the fuck off. She stopped calling, dropping by, and asking Rosarío about me. Anytime I’d come to visit, she either wasn’t around, or wouldn’t come out of her room. When she did, it was like I wasn’t even there. I was no longer the center of her world, and I had no one to blame but myself.
There was only one thing that became fucking clear after she got off the boat, over two years ago. The only way I could protect her was to stay the fuck away from her. She was safer without me constantly in her life, fantasizing about me in situations that would never happen in reality. There was no way in hell we could ever be together. My life revolved around Emilio Salazar, and I tried for too fucking long to make them both coexist in my life. I was so goddamn selfish. I greedily took the light that only she could provide me, but didn’t stop for one minute to see what I was actually doing to her. Exposing her to more danger than keeping her safe.
My protection for Amira now was to push her away, even though it almost fucking killed me to do so. I didn’t expect her to show up at my school that night. It only proved that she was still fighting a battle she never had a chance of winning. After her blatant display of not backing down, no matter how cold or shitty I treated her, I knew I had no choice but to put an end to it all.
Her memories of me.
Her illusions of what we could never be.
Especially the love and devotion she still felt for me.
I was completely aware that Amira would show up at my apartment later that night. I knew her like the back of my fucking hand. I would never forget the look on her face when she saw me purposely fuck Evita in front of her. I hated having to use another woman to destroy Amira, but she left me no other choice.
I never claimed to be anything I wasn’t. I always told Amira—I was just another fucking monster taking up space in her life. Finally, proving it to her that very night.
Besides, from day one, I gave her Rosarío. Her guardianship was all she ever needed.
She was her family.
Not me.