I felt her immediately tense in my arms, going rigid like someone just knocked the wind out of her.
“Why would you say that?” she asked, searching my face for an answer. Worry evident in her tone.
I kissed the tip of her nose and let go of her face. I grabbed the flutes, pouring some champagne in each one. I handed her a glass and picked up mine clinking it against hers.
I smiled. “I found the ultrasound picture in the frame on our nightstand,” I said, taking in her distress. “I know you can’t drink, but I got us sparkling cider to celebrate the news,” I added, placing my hand over her stomach, over our future.
She instantly stepped back away from my touch as if it burned her. I shook my head in confusion, not understanding what I had done.
“What’s wro—”
“That’s why you did all of this.” She frantically looked around the apartment, her gaze not settling on one place for very long. “The clean apartment, the dinner?” She stared down at the table and then back up at me. “The realization, the future, the proposal, that’s the only reason you did all—”
I stepped toward her, and she stepped back again. I cocked my head to the side, taken aback.
“Baby, I’ve always wanted to marry you. What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense right now. I know the timing may seem wrong, but you know that’s not true. I love you, Briggs. Finding the ultrasound picture of our baby made me realize what the fuck I was doing. Knowing that a part of me is growing inside of you. Brought me clarity. Made me see what I needed to do. To stop fucking up. I would never put your life or our child’s in danger. You know that? You. Know. Me.”
“No!” she yelled out, chucking the glass of sparkling cider that was in her hand at the wall behind me.
Liquid and glass flew everywhere.
“The fuck? Jesus Christ! You can’t be this upset that I found the ultras—”
“No! Are you fucking blind? This is about you, not me! I don’t know you! I don’t know the man you have become, Austin! I’ve been living with a complete stranger for almost four years! My Austin is gone! The drugs took him away from me!” she screamed, shaking to the core with anger.
I set my glass down on the table, putting my hands out in a surrendering gesture. I knew her emotions were running wild, that I had hurt her and she was just lashing out.
“I know. Calm down. This isn’t good for the bab—”
“THERE IS NO FUCKING BABY!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, falling to the floor, burying her head in her hands.
Sobs consuming her entire body.
I instantly stepped back, blown away by her words. A sense of loss settled over me. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I saw the ultrasound. I saw our baby with my own two fucked up eyes. I didn’t go to her. I didn’t comfort her. I started to pace back and forth, my hands roughly pulling at my hair, knowing that she was about to rip my fucking heart out.
“What are you—”
“Jesus, Austin… haven’t you seen me? When was the last time you really looked at me before today? I’ve barely been able to get off the couch because I’ve been recovering.”
I grimaced, locking eyes with her. “Recovering? Recovering from what, Briggs? What the fuck have you been recovering from?”
She placed her hand over her mouth, holding the truth in.
“ANSWER ME!”
She just sat there on the floor in front of me, drowning in her own misery and shook her head no. Not wanting to tell me, as if she didn’t tell me, if she didn’t say it out loud then it wasn’t true.
She didn’t do it.
“You killed my baby. Didn’t you?” I spewed, saying it for her. “Is that what you’re recovering from, Briggs? Killing our fucking child?!” I seethed, beyond livid, beyond reason or doubt.
I couldn’t see straight. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something.
How could she have done this to me?
To us?
She shook her head, getting up on her feet and narrowing her eyes at me.
“NO! You don’t get to be the victim here, Austin! Have you seen our home? Have you seen what you’ve done to our goddamn home? What you’ve let inside our house? I would never bring a child into this world! Not in a million fucking years! You’re never fucking sober! What do you think would have happened to Molly? That little girl at the party if I hadn’t walked in here when I did? Huh? Tell me!”
I scoffed. “That’s why you killed our baby? That’s your justification for killing my child? Without fucking telling me!” I violently roared.
My fists clenched at my sides. My anger taking control, seeping out of my blood onto the woman that I thought I knew.
“What about you, Briggs? Hmmm… even if I fucked up, you couldn’t have raised our kid? Are you that fucking cruel? You didn’t have to fucking kill it!”