Barbarian Box Set: Barbarians of Zandipor Books One, Two and Three

“Tin Tom is the one who alerted the lovely Emperor of our location,” Avery says, clenching her jaw.

“That was before we became bestest friends,” Tin Tom says. “Tom would never do that now.”

“Right,” Avery mutters, looking at him sideways. “Tin Tom, give Mandy one of your translators.”

A small tray slides out of the robot with a little black dot sitting on it. The girls show me how to install it behind my ear and after a second of humming vibrations through my brain, it’s installed and I can speak over sixty thousand languages.

“Tin Tom,” Avery says, her voice firm and confident. I’ve never heard her speak like this. Back at the movie theater, the clerk at the concession stand didn’t put the extra butter that she paid for onto her popcorn and she was too shy to ask for it. She’s come a long way. “Emperor Rsordan is here. What is he going to do?”

“Emperor Rsordan is here?” he asks, blinking wildly.

“I don’t trust this thing,” Rolanda whispers to us. “Let’s just gut him and use his parts to make a toaster. He’s going to stab us in the back the first chance that he gets.”

Avery rubs her belly as she watches the robot. I know Avery, and she looks like she’s attached to the metal hunk of junk. I’m with Rolanda in thinking that we should permanently turn him off.

“What is Emperor Rsordan going to do?” Avery repeats.

The lights on Tin Tom blink happily. “The beloved Emperor Rsordan is going to get you,” he says. “Or he’s going to die trying.”

Avery lets out a sigh. “Let’s hope it’s the latter.”





ten




It was good to see Avery and Rolanda but I’m glad that I’m back by Straykeer’s side. I always feel much more secure with my ferocious bodyguard beside me. And fuck I love staring at those abs.

We’re in the center of the village with all of the aliens, or blueberries as Avery calls them. Their Saku, Avery, has called a town meeting to welcome me but mostly to make a plan about the attacking aliens.

Straykeer’s muscular arm is wrapped around my waist and I step a little closer into his embrace when I see dozens and dozens of manly blue faces openly staring at me. I’m ‘fresh meat’ like Rolanda said, and they are intensely interested. Thankfully, none of them get close thanks to my man Straykeer. He gives a nasty warning look to anyone who tries.

“Thank you for gathering today, my blueberries,” Avery says. “Your Saku is very pleased.”

They grunt and nod their heads, tapping their spears on the ground and slapping their muscular chests in acknowledgment of the compliment by their leader.

“Please welcome the newest member of the Roka tribe, Mandy,” Avery says, pointing at me.

I do an awkward little curtsy as everyone turns to me and stares. It’s so silent that I can hear my own heart pounding in my chest. I’ve never liked being the center of attention.

“This is where you clap,” Avery says, sounding annoyed. “Nevermind. We’ll work on that later.”

The blueberries turn their attention back to Avery and I take a breath of relief.

“As we saw earlier today,” she says, standing on a tall flat rock so that everyone can see her. Turic stands by her side, searching the crowd and surrounding area for any threats to his mate. “There are aliens coming to try and take your Saku and her friends.”

The crowd boos and hisses, shaking their heads angrily.

“I know, right?” Avery says, rolling her eyes. “We have to stop these fuckers. There are many more of them coming in flying rocks. They have weapons that shoot purple thunder and they must be stopped.”

An excited male thrusts his fist in the air. “We have the Saku!” he hollers, thumping his muscular chest. “She’ll kill every last alien with her little finger. She’ll turn every last flying rock into dust with only a look from her magical eyes.”

Avery rolls her neck and gulps when all of the blue crowd starts cheering wildly.

“We could do that,” Avery said, nodding nervously. “Or…you guys could maybe kill them for us?”

The Drandroka males look around at each other, their faces uneasy.

“The Saku that the prophecy speaks of is destined to kill all of the many fanged beasts on Zandipor,” one of the males says. “Why has the Saku Avery not killed the dinosaurs yet? She just sleeps all day and gets foot massages from her Turic.”

“I do other things,” Avery says defensively. “I did the laundry yesterday and it’s really hard without a machine. I mean, Turic’s loincloths always have these Goddamn bloodstains on them. Do you know how hard it is to scrub blood out of leather? So yeah, buddy, I do lots of things,” she says, rubbing her chin. “Oh yeah, and I made lunch that one time!”

“That was last week,” the male says, looking annoyed. “And you burnt it!”

“I’m fucking pregnant, okay!” she screams at the male. “You think it’s fucking easy carrying a half human, half Roka child in your stomach? It’s only been a few weeks and I already look like I’m carrying triplets. I’m worried that my stomach is going to explode. So fuck off!”

Kim Fox & Juno Wells's books