Hell, what a mess.
Restless, he turned onto his side and faced the fire. He didn’t know what to say to her even if she did have the guts to come out and face him. What was he going to say? I want to be part of my son’s life? A part-time dad who takes him fishing twice a year and sees him at Christmas time? Watch him grow up through the photographs you send me from Lake Tahoe?
Frustrated and angry, Buzz shifted again and resigned himself to a long, cold and sleepless night. His back ached dully. He was hungry. Cold. The bruises he’d sustained while bouncing off boulders in the water throbbed with every beat of his heart.
“Are you awake?”
He sat bolt upright at the sound of Kelly’s voice. She stood a few feet away, her arms folded protectively in front of her, watching him. He hadn’t heard her unzip the tent flap and come out, and he felt a moment of panic because he didn’t have a clue what he was going to say to her.
His heart did a slow roll at the sight of her, then moved into a quick, unsteady cadence. “I’m awake,” he managed.
Hesitantly, she approached him. Firelight illuminated her features. Dark, serious eyes filled with the caution of prey approaching predator. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her face was smooth and pale within the dark frame of hair. She’d taken off her flannel shirt. The T-shirt and jeans she wore hugged her narrow waist and the curve of her hips.
“You want some company?” she asked.
He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to answer that, so he didn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was admit just how badly he’d wanted her to come out of that tent and talk to him. He wanted to believe it was because they had so much to discuss, but he knew at least part of that need wasn’t so cut and dried.
“How’s Eddie?” he asked.
“Poor little guy. He went out like a light.”
“He’s been through a lot.”
“We all have.” On reaching the fire, she stuck out her hands as if to warm them.
Buzz wondered why she wouldn’t look at him. “You’ve done a good job with him,” he said after a moment. “He’s smart as a whip and seems happy.”
She looked at him then, and he didn’t miss the quick flash of pride—of love—in her eyes. “Thank you. He’s an incredible little boy.”
“Why don’t you let me have a look at your palms now?” he asked.
As if remembering the abrasions on her hands, she looked down at them. “Oh. Okay.” She laughed. “They’re starting to hurt.”
Leaning over, Buzz rummaged in his backpack for the first-aid kit, set it on his lap and opened the lid. “Have a seat.”
Kelly lowered herself onto the log next to him and turned toward him.
“Give me one of your hands.”
He didn’t miss the hesitation when she held out her hand. As impersonally as possible, Buzz took it in his and turned her palm up so he could look at the wound. “This must have hurt like the dickens.”
“I barely noticed when it first happened, but it hurts now.”
He risked a look at her. “You did good today, Kel. Throwing the rope the way you did was a smart thing to do. You stayed calm. You kept your head.”
She smiled wryly. “Are you trying to tell me I saved your life?”
“Not just mine.”
She looked away, blinking rapidly. “Don’t give me too much credit, Buzz. I know you wouldn’t have let go of him. No matter what might have happened, I know you wouldn’t have let go of him.”
About that, he thought, she was right.
“This is going to sting a little bit.” Opening a small container of peroxide, he saturated a gauze pad and drizzled it liberally over her abraded palm. Kelly didn’t so much as wince. Her hand was small and cold within his. Her knuckles were scraped. One of her nails was turning purple.
“Feel okay?” he asked.
“It hurts like hell, but I’m too damn tired to scream.”
He smiled a little at that, but didn’t look over at her. He could feel her gaze on him, but he didn’t take his eyes off her palm. He didn’t want to make eye contact with her when he was this close to her. They might have failed as husband and wife, but it hadn’t been for lack of chemistry.
“Today must have been…hard for you,” she said after a moment.
“I’m not sure hard is the right word.”
She winced, but Buzz didn’t acknowledge it. “I don’t know how to handle this, Kel,” he said. “You walked out on me five years ago. Now suddenly you’re back. Only now I have a four-year-old son. That’s a lot for a man to absorb in just a couple of days.”
“I don’t know if it makes any difference now, but I’m sorry. It was wrong of me not to tell you.”