Kelly tried not to notice the way he said her son’s name. The way he looked at him, with a combination of wonder and amusement and pleasure. She tried not to notice the way he walked. The way those jeans hugged his lean hips and long, muscular legs. He was the only man in the world who could affect her just by the way he moved. Buzz Malone didn’t just walk, he strutted.
He straightened a moment later, then turned, a small teddy bear in his hand. “I guess you must have dropped this when you fell into the ravine.”
Eddie stood transfixed, his mouth open, his gray eyes wide with surprise. “Bunky Bear! Wow! You found him!”
“Hey, that’s why they call us Search and Rescue guys.”
The little boy darted forward, grabbed the stuffed bear, then threw his arms around Buzz’s hips. “Thanks, Buzz!”
Kelly’s heart turned over in her chest at the sight of her son hugging Buzz. She’d dreamed of it a hundred times in the last four years, but never thought it would really happen. That the situation was so impossible to resolve broke her heart.
“Sweetheart, it’s bedtime,” she said, hating it that her voice was shaky.
“Mommy, I’m not sleepy yet.”
“Do as your mother says, tough guy,” Buzz said easily.
Eddie eyed Buzz for a moment as if considering challenging him, then hung his head and started toward the tent. If Kelly’s heart still hadn’t been in her throat, she might have smiled or made a joke, but her emotions were strung so tightly, she didn’t trust herself to do either.
“I forgot to say g’night to Buzz.”
Kelly looked over at Buzz to see him nod. “Make it quick, kiddo.”
Grinning from ear to ear, Eddie charged the big man and without warning flung himself into his arms.
The momentum sent Buzz back a step, but he still managed to catch the little boy. “Whoa there, partner!”
“G’night,” Eddie said and planted a sloppy kiss on Buzz’s stubbled jaw.
Kelly saw Buzz wince, and her heart stumbled in her chest. Leave it to an innocent to show the adults how infinitely easy simple affection could be, she thought, and had to turn away to blink back tears.
A moment later, Eddie wriggled free of Buzz’s arms and darted toward the tent. “Come on, Mommy! Let’s check out the tent!”
Kelly couldn’t bring herself to look at Buzz, couldn’t bear for him to see the uncertainty she knew was etched in her expression. She didn’t want him to know how seeing them together was affecting her. Putting crazy notions in her head. Making her want things that could never be.
And long for a future they could never have.
Buzz lay a few feet from the fire with his hands laced behind his head and stared up at the swaying treetops and patches of night sky beyond. Smoke from the forest fire to the north scented the air and skittered like low clouds over a yellow moon that sat on the horizon like a heavy-lidded eye. He should have been exhausted considering he’d had no rest, and very little sleep and food in the last two days. But his mind was troubled, his heart heavy, and he knew from experience that sleep wouldn’t come any time soon.
He’d relived the rescue a hundred times in his mind since it had happened. The first moment when he’d touched his son. The instant he’d put his arms around his small, cold body. The wave of emotion that had swept through him every bit as powerfully—and dangerously—as the churning water.
He’d tried hard not to let Eddie get to him. Buzz knew better than to get emotionally involved with this child who’d been thrust into his life. He knew all too well that the child could be swept out of his life just as swiftly. And Buzz would have very little say in the matter. He tried to convince himself he didn’t care one way or another. Buzz didn’t want children. Damn it, he didn’t. He was not father material. He hadn’t even made a very good husband, for God’s sake. And not a damn thing had changed.
Only it had. Everything had changed. His entire world had come crashing down around him, and Buzz was honest enough with himself to admit it.
A child, a young life of his own creation, a life he was responsible for guiding and shaping and, God forbid—loving—wasn’t something a man walked away from. He didn’t have the faintest idea how he was going to handle this, but it wasn’t going to be by running away. He’d never run away from anything in his life, and he didn’t intend to start now.
More than anything, Buzz needed to talk with Kelly. Away from Eddie’s sensitive ears because he had a feeling the conversation wasn’t going to be pleasant. He hoped they could agree on a mutually acceptable resolution. Do what was best for the child, because his well-being and security were what counted most. Buzz and Kelly hadn’t agreed on much in the years they’d been married, but Buzz knew her well enough to know she would put all of it aside to do what was best for their son.
Raising his head slightly, he glanced over at the tent. She’d been inside with Eddie for nearly an hour. Buzz had thought she would come out after the boy fell asleep so they could talk and get a few things straightened out. Not that the situation could be straightened out with a simple conversation, but it was a start.