He stared at the woman he’d once loved more than life itself. Her head was bowed, her cheek pressed hard against her child’s head. She held the little boy so tightly he wondered if the kid could draw a breath.
The child shivered in her arms. Even from where he stood, Buzz could hear his little teeth chattering. Though it was soaked, he could see that Eddie’s hair was the same pretty brown as his mother’s. In the moments he’d held him in his arms as they were being swept down the river, when he’d looked into his son’s eyes for the first time, he’d noticed a hundred things about him. The small, angular body. The sweet scent of child. A freckled nose. Eyes that were the same stormy gray as his own. Eyes that had been filled with a child’s trust.
For a moment, Buzz couldn’t speak, just stood there like an idiot, staring at them, aware that his heart was beating a hard tattoo against his ribs. He couldn’t believe this perfect little child was his. A precious life he and Kelly had created. A little boy he would gladly give up his own life to protect.
A little boy without a father.
The repercussions struck him with the force of a sledgehammer. His knees went weak. Nausea roiled in his stomach. He felt as if someone had just punched him right between the eyes. If he didn’t know better, he might have thought he was having some kind of damn anxiety attack.
Buzz had been involved in dozens of life-and-death situations in the years he’d been a cop. He’d participated in a hundred or more rescues in the course of his career with RMSAR. None of those events had ever made him feel like this.
He jolted when a gentle hand touched his forearm. “Hey, are you hurt? What’s wrong?”
He hadn’t noticed that Kelly had risen, and was now looking at him with concerned brown eyes. “Buzz?”
He stared back at her, shaking inside, wondering why this particular rescue had affected him that way. “I’m fine,” he said.
A tentative smile touched her mouth. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”
“Probably.”
“You saved his life.”
“You’re the one who threw the rope.”
“Buzz…for God’s sake, don’t argue.” Her voice broke. “Just…thank you.”
Because he didn’t trust his voice not to betray him, Buzz looked away, turned his attention to his son. Eddie was sitting on the ground, shivering, holding onto his mother’s leg. Buzz knelt so that he was eye-level with the little boy. “You okay, tough guy?” he asked.
The child blinked at him, sniffed hard once, then looked up at his mother. “I-m c-cold. I w-want to go home.”
“We’re going to take you home,” Buzz said. “Are you hurt anywhere?”
Another sniff, then Eddie used the back of his wet sleeve to wipe his runny nose. “My knee hurts.”
“Well, we’ll just have to check it out, then, won’t we?”
Eddie threw a questioning look at his mommy, held her leg tighter.
“My name’s Buzz.”
“That’s a funny name.”
“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”
Eddie nodded, sniffed.
“I’m a Search and Rescue medic. Do you know what that is?”
“Kinda.”
“Then you know I rescue people when they get into trouble.”
“Like you did me?”
Buzz smiled. “That’s right. I’m trained to treat injuries that happen out on the trail, too.”
“Like a doctor?”
“Sort of.” Buzz glanced over when Kelly knelt beside him. “Do you mind if I have a look at your sore knee?”
Eddie looked over at Kelly, and she nodded. “Show him where it hurts, honey.”
Eddie stuck out his right leg then proceeded to roll up his pants. Buzz noticed Kelly’s hands were still shaking when she reached out to help him.
Buzz wasn’t an emotional man. But to look into that innocent face, into those little eyes and see his own reflected back was almost too much to bear. The knowledge that this child was his overwhelmed him. Emotions he’d sworn he’d never feel threatened to tear down his defenses, rip him open, make him doubt the beliefs he’d held close his entire adult life. Awe mixed with anger, love with a sense of betrayal, and cut him as deeply as any knife. The power of those emotions struck him over and over again until he felt as battered emotionally as he was physically.
Holding onto his composure by a thread, Buzz reached out and prodded the small knee. “He’s bruised, but nothing’s broken,” he said, relieved. “We need to get him dry and get some food into him.”
Kelly nodded. “Your pack is still up on the trail where we left it.”
Buzz rose and scanned the steep incline Kelly had come down to reach the water. “I want you and Eddie to wait here. I’ll hike back up to the trail, pick up my pack and the radio and meet you back here.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll radio RMSAR headquarters, have them notify your family and see if we can get the chopper out here for a swoop and scoop.”
She nodded.