Startled, she looked up at him. He’d always been adept at reading her. She wondered if he had any idea of the terrible thoughts streaking through her mind at this moment. That she was frustrated and terrified and so exhausted she wanted to sink down to the ground and cry.
She started to turn away, but he grasped her wrist and made her stay. “Most people think it’s the physical strain that exhausts them during searches,” he said. “But it’s not. It’s the emotional strain that puts people down. That renders them useless. Don’t let that happen to you. I need you.”
The words echoed between them for an interminable moment. Nothing else he could have said could have bolstered her more. She wondered if he really still knew her that well. Or if it was a psychology thing he’d learned in the course of his law-enforcement or search-and-rescue training. Whatever the case, it worked, and she would never forget that he’d done that for her.
For an instant, she just stood there, staring at him. Seeing the man she’d married a lifetime ago. A man she still thought about every day. A man she saw every time she looked at her little boy. A man she’d loved desperately once upon a time.
He stared back at her with those hard, emotionless eyes. Eyes that were as cold and hard as iron. Eyes that could cut with the ruthlessness of a blade. But they were the same eyes she’d seen soften to smoke. His features were in shadow, but she could still make out the narrow slash of his nose. The stern cut of a jaw that was a little too square and a lot too uncompromising. The mouth that rarely smiled. The same mouth that had kissed her countless times when they’d been married. A mouth that knew every inch of her body intimately.
He wasn’t a handsome man, but the combination of features and the force of his personality attracted her as no other man ever had. As no other man ever would. She knew that in her heart. Knew she would never love another the way she’d loved Buzz Malone. It made her sad to think that that was behind her. That she would never experience again what she’d experienced with Buzz.
How could a man she’d loved so deeply so long ago still move her like this? A man who was all wrong for her? Who had turned her life upside down because he didn’t have the good sense to keep himself safe? A courageous man who would risk his life for a stranger, but wasn’t brave enough to bring children into their lives?
She didn’t intend to touch him, but the pull was too strong, like a full moon tugging at a restless sea. He jolted when her knuckles grazed his cheek. His eyes sharpened to flint, but he didn’t move away. He gazed steadily at her, unmoving, as if her touch was something to be endured and not enjoyed.
“Thank you for…this,” she said quietly. “For being here.”
His jaw flexed beneath her fingertips. “He’s my son, too.”
Aware that her heart was beating heavily in her chest, that she was standing less than a foot away from him with her hand on his cheek, she stepped back. She wasn’t fast enough to prevent what she’d known would happen next.
Buzz reached for her. “Come here.”
A current of tension went through her when his fingers closed around her biceps and he pulled her toward him. She knew better than to get any closer, but over twenty-four hours of psychological and physical stress had shredded her defenses. She stood before him, trembling, her own heartbeat drowning out the roar of the water fifteen yards away.
“Don’t cry,” he said softly.
She hadn’t even realized she was. “I’m not.”
One side of his mouth curved. “Must be allergies.”
She choked out a sound, a laugh or a cry, she didn’t know which, but it loosened something inside her. A shudder rippled through her when he brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb.
“I’m just going to hold you for a moment, okay?” he said.
Unable to speak, blinking back tears, she nodded, wondering if he would ever know how desperately she’d needed to be held at that moment.
His arms enveloped her like a protective cocoon. Kelly knew they shouldn’t be doing this. Buzz was as wrong for her as a man could be. She didn’t want to open doors that were best left closed and bolted. She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. She didn’t want him back in her life. She and Eddie were about to move to Lake Tahoe. There was no room in her life for a man who had put her through the wringer—and wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if she let him.
But the solid warmth of his body against hers made her forget all the reasons she shouldn’t need to be held. The scent of pine and the out-of-doors mingled with his own unique scent and drugged her like a powerful narcotic.
“Kelly….”
Pleasure quivered in her stomach when he whispered her name. Her arms went around his shoulders. She’d forgotten how muscular he was, how hard those muscles were. They felt like carved stone beneath her hands. He wasn’t excessively muscled, but he’d always been a giant to her.
Turning her head, she pressed her face into the flannel at his chest and closed her eyes. “I’m scared,” she admitted.
“So am I.”
“Tell me again we’re going to find him.”