What If

Rolling my eyes as I stood up, I turned towards the basement doors. “I should probably go find Darcy. I’m getting tired. If I’m lucky, she’ll drive me home and then come back here. If not, I’m stuck here until she’s ready to leave, which will probably be around three,” I laughed.

“It has to be close to twelve by now. You can’t leave before midnight. You’ll miss the count down,” Arrow argued.

I didn’t say anything. I knew Darcy would say the same thing. She wouldn’t want to leave, and I had no other ride to take me home. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy a good party or that I wasn’t enjoying my time with Arrow, but I was enjoying my time too much. If I didn’t get out of here soon, I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t need those old feelings to come back. They hurt the first time; feeling them again would be excruciating. I wanted to see him again, talk with him again. But I needed time to reel in and reflect on everything that was said and happened tonight.

“If you want to get out of here, let me drive you.” Arrow stood and took the keys out of his pocket. “I don’t mind leaving early. We’ll have our own personal count down in the truck on the way to wherever you’re staying.” He winced. “Please tell me you’re not back at your parent’s house.”

All of the tension I was struggling to control boiled over. I laughed, hard, gripping my sides as the muscles tensed. My parents were never his biggest fans, and he wasn’t too fond of them either. “No, I’m not living with them. I’m renting an apartment.” I wiped the happy tears from my eyes.

“So what do you say? Let me drive you home.” His eyes pleaded.

It wasn’t a good idea. Arrow just popped back into my life without a word and suddenly he was fusing himself to parts of my life that he hadn’t yet put a stamp on. He’d never been to my apartment; it was empty of any memories. For now, I liked it that way. If I invited him inside and then something happened and this new friendship, or whatever it was, didn’t work out, I’d look at my place and see the time he spent there. But if he just dropped me off… maybe that would be okay.

“Let me find Darcy and tell her what’s going on.” I turned away.

“Just text her,” he suggested. I looked over my shoulder and then back towards the door.

I took out my phone and typed out a simple message that would keep her from worrying but wouldn’t divulge too much information. She wouldn’t get any information from me until she explained to me why she failed to inform me that Arrow was back in town.

“Alright, let’s go.” He grinned and took my hand like he used to, leading me away from the music and the people enjoying their party. His hand was large and warm with calluses that brushed against my palm. For the first time since I was a teenager, butterflies erupted deep down in my womb from just holding a man’s hand.





I took her hand in mine without even thinking. I explained to myself that it was natural, ingrained into my soul that Briar’s hand should be held by mine. I didn’t know what that meant, and I didn’t care that it made me sound like the worst sort of *.

Our friendship was never an easy one. We both got angry easily. My feelings for her always seemed to get in the way of logical thought. We hurt each other, laughed too loudly, talked about everything, and we touched. It’s how we worked. We touched. Whether I was tucking her hair behind her ear, touching her cheek, tickling the sides of her ribs, or holding her hand, the touching part was just natural. Memories of Briar shoving my shoulder from either making her laugh or being sarcastic were in almost every piece of our past.

I led her towards my new truck. It was the first big purchase I made on my own without the help of Lacey. It was a jet black 2013 Silverado Chevrolet. It sat up high enough that getting Briar up into the seat was going to be difficult, especially in her dress and heels. I admitted, only to myself, that I was going to enjoy lifting her into the cab.

“Of course, I should’ve known this was yours.” She leaned against the elongated bed of the truck. The paint was still shiny with very little dirt debris.

Her hand was no longer in mine from when she pulled away to take in the sleekness of the massive truck. I flexed my hand and fingers that were no longer holding on to hers.

“Just got her. She’s a beauty isn’t she?” The color black had always been my favorite; matching it with silver, perfection. It’s classic, mysterious, deceivingly frightening, and carried an air of natural beauty. In front of me stood a stunning woman in a sleek, black dress, wearing a light amount of silver jewelry and leaning against the vast expanse of my black and silver truck. A gorgeous woman and a badass truck: what else could a man ask for?

“She’s everything you’ve ever wanted,” Briar chuckled.

For a moment I wondered which “she” she was referring to and had to shake the thoughts back. Briar never felt the same way I felt about her. At one point, I hoped that she’d get there. But then all those positive thoughts flew out the window when she rejected my new life and didn’t come to my graduation.

I stepped closer to her and put a hand above her shoulder, touching the side of my truck. Briar looked up at me as my glance wavered between her and the vehicle. “Yeah, I finally got her. Just took some time.” I looked into her eyes and smiled slightly.

We were both silent, breathing in the air that continually got more and more chilly the longer we stood outside. Suddenly, I heard people counting down from Miller’s house. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.

“It’s almost midnight,” I said to Briar.

“Four. Three. Two,” she counted. When she said “one” I did something that would either get me a knee to the gonads or would work out in my favor. I pressed my lips against hers in a peck. At least, that was the plan. Once my lips landed on hers, she sighed. She didn’t shove me away, and I couldn’t pull myself away from her. Her lips felt just as soft as I imagined them. They were slightly damp from her constant nibbling on the bottom lip. They were full, tender, and delicious.

I pulled away and looked into her eyes. They opened slowly. “Just a New Year’s kiss,” I explained. She nodded, pink cheeked. Her tongue came out and stroked her upper lip. I imagined tasting that tongue with mine.

Screw it. I cupped her head in both of my hands, fingers tightening in her hair and dove back into those sugar coated lips. She responded immediately, her arms wrapped around my back in a fierce grip as I pushed my body into hers, pressing her against the cool metal of the truck. Her mouth opened in a silent moan, and I took advantage, sliding my tongue between her wet lips. It was my turn to sigh when her tongue met mine in a fast-paced tango. I should’ve taken my time with our first kiss, should’ve gotten to know every inch of her mouth, but I couldn’t help but devour her.

I felt an immediate change in Briar’s stance when one of my hands started drifting down to her hip. Suddenly, her lips stilled and she was pushing at my chest. I took her lead and stepped back. I was still delirious from the brilliance of that moment, but also confused by her sudden change.

She wiped at her mouth angrily. Her hand shook, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t from the cold.