What If

See? She’s the best. I cracked a smile and stood from the couch and started walking to my bedroom to grab the dress from the closet.

“Love you, Darcy. I’m going to jump in the shower.”

“Love you too. Even when you’re a pain in my…”

“Shut up. I’ll see you in a few.” I put the phone on my nightstand and went to get ready.



Three hours later we were at Miller’s house. It was large; he worked right outside of town in a neighboring city as an accountant. If his home was any indication, business was going well. It was two stories tall and sat on enough land that the closest house was at least a football field away. Having a party here would be perfect because neighbors couldn’t complain about sound; they wouldn’t be able to hear any.

The party took place in the finished basement. The floors were a dark, chocolate wood; the walls were plain white but covered in movie posters like Scar Face and The Godfather. There was a pool table in a connecting room where people took turns playing the winner. Beer pong was set on another longer table. Beer sloshed over cups that were too full when the ball landed. There were a lot of faces I recognized from our years together in high school, some of which I hadn’t seen in years. Other people weren’t from around here. Or if they were, I never met them.

Darcy talked up a storm with a few people we knew and hadn’t seen in what felt like a decade. I tried to keep up with the conversation, but the back of my neck felt tingly and sticky with sweat. I kept getting a weird feeling that someone was watching me. I know everyone has experienced that paranoia at some point in their lives, but it was driving me insane. I looked over my shoulder every few minutes, searching the room for any odd behavior. I did this for thirty minutes. I sipped from my red solo cup, spoke with Darcy, and danced a little until I couldn’t stand the strange atmosphere anymore. I turned around, ready to head outside for some fresh air, hoping it would clear my head. I stepped towards the doors that lead outside; it was one of those walkout basements that could lead you out to the backyard.

But when I opened the door, I heard a deep, rumble of a voice, a voice that both haunted my dreams but starred in them as well. I froze in place; my hand just sat there grasping the glass door’s handle, neither opening nor closing it. My back straightened, eyes widened.

“Briar Kelly,” the voice echoed in my ears.

I turned around slowly; searching for the one the voice belonged to.

“Arrow,” I whispered, barely able to get his name to leave my lips. My eyes slammed to his. The hand that was at the door fell to my side, and my jaw went slack as I stared at an older, stronger version of the only man who ever had the power to wreck me.





I stood like a peeping Tom, except I wasn’t trying to catch a glimpse of a naked woman in her privacy. I was trying to decide whether or not I was looking at the same girl I fell in love with all those years ago. I only saw the back of her for the longest time. This girl’s hair was darker. Instead of dark blonde, it was a deep brown. She was thinner in her waist, but flared out at her sides in a way that left me dizzy. She wore a short black dress that fit tightly, and the back had a triangle cut out, leaving a hefty amount of skin naked on her back. It was one of those sexy dresses that still managed to stay classy. Her calves flexed from the tall heels pushing her feet into a tiptoe position.

I struggled to look away from her to play a game of pool, but when I matched the stick up with a ball, I’d catch sight of her hair moving when she rotated her weight from one foot and put it on the other. Briar used to do that when she was nervous. I apologized to the guys I was playing the game with and excused myself from the match and walked towards her, itching to see her face, needing to know if it was really her.

She turned enough for me to see the side of her face and I saw it: the little point at the end of her nose. I also saw the high cheekbones and jaw that worked as she grinded her teeth together. I stood there for I don’t know how long, just staring at her as she walked towards the door leading outside. Afraid that she was going to leave, I yelled for her.

She stood motionless, facing away from me. Her body perked up when she heard my voice. Her hand still rested on the door. I feared that she’d ignore me and leave, not wanting to see me. But she didn’t leave. Her arms dropped to her sides, her shoulders rose as she took a deep breath, and then she turned around.

I didn’t call out her name again. I waited for her to find my face in the crowd of people. When her eyes met mine, we both stayed stuck in our spots. She looked differently than the last time I saw her. Her hair was darker, lighter than the brown of her eyes but darker than her natural blonde color. The color of her hair, eyes and tanned skin made her look more exotic and less like the sweet girl from high school.

The ache in my chest now wasn’t from the blow I took through my right pectoral in Afghanistan, it was the blow I took on the left side from the girl staring back at me from all those years before. I deliberated on what to do next. Do I just walk up to her like our time apart never happened? Pull her into a tight hug? Or do I need to take every movement at a slow pace? I wasn’t used to questioning my actions with her. In the past, I always seemed to know what to do around Briar; I knew how she would react, what she needed from me. But, from our time a part, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was just as different on the inside as her outside appearance.

Her cherry lips formed my name, but the sound never left her throat. I wanted, no I needed, to hear her voice. I took a step towards her and grinned when she didn’t move away.

I was close enough that if I reached out with my hand, I’d touch her. She looked up at my buzzed hair, down to my lips, my chest. She studied every piece of me, and I let her. I didn’t know what she was thinking. I knew I changed; I was a different person than the boy she once called her best friend. I was damaged both physically and mentally; I was bigger in size from working out every day, sometimes multiple times a day.

She shook her head back and forth, her brows drawing together.

“You’re in Greenville,” she whispered. I barely heard her over the music.

“Yeah, I’ve been back for a few weeks now.” I craved to reach up and touch the skin of her cheek, then to run my fingers through her darker locks.

“I don’t understand. I didn’t know you were here.” She looked behind me. I twisted to see who she was looking at. It was Darcy. Darcy, on the other hand, hadn’t changed one bit. She stared at the both us with a peculiar smile.

“Would you,” I cleared my throat when she looked into my eyes. Having her close, I could see those familiar green flecks in her brown eyes. “Would you want to go outside and talk with me?”

Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “I don’t think that would be…”

“I just want to talk to you, Briar.” Her hair was long enough now that it fell a good five inches past her shoulders. Not able to stop myself any longer, I grabbed the end of a piece of hair and twirled it around my finger, looking at the darkness against my skin. Her breath halted; mine came out quicker.

“Why?” I pondered, “Why did you dye your hair?” I hoped she wouldn’t take offense to my inquisition. She looked beautiful, but in all the time I knew her she never even put highlights in her hair when all the other girls in our class did.