What If

“Briar…” he chastised, his eyes growing serious even with the dark, needy pupils taking over his irises. “You don’t need to do this to keep me here. I’m here, alright? I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

I knew he was being honest with me. He didn’t care if I made him wait a year until I allowed us to take the next step, and that was just another reason on the ever-growing list of why Killian was the right guy for me.

“I want this.” My voice became a low, seductive whisper. His grip on my hand loosened.

He wanted to believe me. The conflict was taking place in that mind of his, I could see the cogs turning as he tried to decide whether or not I was being sincere, or if he needed to put a halt on the situation.

“Killian.” I moved my hand to his shirt and started yanking it up, intending to undress him. He reached behind his head, grabbed the neck of his tee, and pulled it over and off.

The change in his gaze happened rapidly. His blue eyes became a glazed ocean; his face grew serious with desire. I gulped when his hands pulled my shirt over my head and then moved to the clasp at the back of my bra.

“Last chance, Briar.” Chills broke out down my spine from his thumb grazing the skin underneath my bra strap.

I reached behind me, and as an answer to his question, I unhooked my own bra and slid the straps down my arms, making my entire top bare before his eyes.

His breathing grew deeper, his hot breath touching my lips as he moved over me, pressing my back into the comforter. He rose above me, looking deeply into my eyes.

“At the risk of sounding cheesy…” he said hovering over me. “I think I’m in love with you, Briar Paige Kelly.

I smiled up at him, reveling in the joy those few words brought to me. “I think I love you too.”

He made love to me slowly that night, taking his time and getting to know the details of my body.





I moved in with Killian a few months after we made love for the first time. After that night we didn’t want to be away from one another. I was over at his place more often than I was at my parents, and eventually I was staying multiple nights in a row. One day, he asked me to move in. He discussed it with his roommate, Robby, and he agreed. As long as I pitched in with the food and water bill, he was fine with it. I broke the news to my parents as kindly as I could. They weren’t happy about it. Though they did love Killian, they didn’t love the idea of my focus deterring away from college.

But it wouldn’t. I was going to school for education and would become a teacher within the next few years. I even signed up for summer classes so that I could graduate early.

Killian was doing the same thing, taking summer classes. But he wasn’t an education major. He was majoring in marketing. He already had a paid internship during the school year too.

Darcy went off to Virginia for college, but we still stayed in contact. There were a few times that I visited her. She was the reason I still knew what was going on in Arrow’s life.

She’d call or text me with lots of exclamation marks when she saw something big and important that happened. She knew that Arrow and I no longer talked, but I never told her the entire story, just that we drifted apart.

It was through one of those phone calls from Darcy that I learned two major life changes happening with Arrow.

“Oh. My. God. Briar!” Darcy yelled into the phone as soon as I picked up.

I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm. “What happened now? Please tell me you didn’t actually take that professor up on his offer. I thought we talked about this?”

She scoffed. “Of course I didn’t! This is much much crazier, way bigger news!”

“Okay, I’ll bite. What happened?” Killian was shaking his head next to me. He thought Darcy was a bit on the outrageous side; he couldn’t quite put together how she and I were such good friends. Secretly, I think he enjoyed her wackiness.

“Guess who’s getting married?”

“You didn’t? You didn’t somehow pull a Katy Perry and end up in Las Vegas with a ring on your finger next to a guy you had one passionate night with, did you?” I laughed, but honestly, I was a little nervous that she would go off and get married or have a kid with some random shmuck who showered her with attention.

“No, no! Arrow.”

“Arrow, what?” I said confused and switching hands, putting the phone against my left ear.

“Arrow’s getting married!” she screamed loud enough that Killian heard her words.

I could hear the blood pumping in my ears; I could feel the blood pulsing through my veins. I squeezed the phone in my hand.

“Hello? Briar, Arrow is getting married!”

“To whom?” I whispered the words. Killian’s stare was burning into the side of my face. I kept my gaze in my lap and refused to look up. I had to get a hold of my overwhelming feelings. I couldn’t complete any exact thought; my brain was scattered.

“Lacey Ratcliff.”

Moving my empty hand up to my throat, wrapping the fingers around my neck, I felt the beating of my heart against my skin. I was going to pass out.

Taking deep breaths in and out, I calmed down eventually as I listened to her babble on and on about how expensive the ring looked. blah blah blah. It all went through one ear and out the other until she said, “They are getting married tomorrow! Can you believe it? Just going off to the local courthouse and tying the knot without any of their family.” The phone went silent. “Maybe she’s pregnant…”

“Pregnant?” The words fumbled from my lips. My eyes widened as my stomach went sour.

“Well why else would they get married so soon after getting engaged? I guess it could be because Arrow’s being deployed,” she said the last sentence like it wasn’t important, like it was the least of her worries when there was a possible pregnancy and a wedding happening tomorrow. But not me. That second part made my blood run cold.

“Deployed?” I covered my mouth with the back of my hand. “Where?”

“Afghanistan, I think.”

“You think or you know? Where is he going, Darcy?” My voice took on a deathly, serious tone.

“Sheesh, calm down. Let me pull it up on my phone, and I’ll tell you.”

I could hear the pressing of buttons as she loaded up the Internet.

“Yeah, it’s Afghanistan,” she answered.

Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks, sliding down my hot skin and landing on my bare legs folded on the couch.

Killian scooted over, wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and then pulled me into his chest. He rubbed my arm up and down in a soothing manner.

“When does he leave?” I wiped the water from my cheeks.

“His status update says he leaves in a week.”

We hung up after she went on about her theories on the upcoming nuptials, but I didn’t take part in the conversation except for a couple of “uh huhs” and “yeahs.” When I hit “end” on my cell, I stood up on shaking legs, smiled painfully at Killian, and walked into the bathroom.

I turned on the shower, blocking out the sound of my phone call.

I scrolled through my contacts, finding Arrow’s name quickly since he was one out of three “A” names listed. Struggling with actually calling him, I kept putting the phone down on the sink and glaring at it. But, I had to do it… If Arrow was going off to war, I had to hear his voice. Even if he told me get lost and never call his number again, it’d be worth it.