Vicious Circles

Chapter 9

All it takes is one person to turn your life in a different direction. You never know who that person is or when they will show up but be certain they will. When said person tries to tell you the reality of things; believe them.

Mid-August 2009

“You two are absolutely disgusting. I think I threw up a little in my mouth.” Mason screwed his face up at Lynn and I as we ate breakfast.

I looked at Lynn and grinned. “He’s just jealous.”

“Jealous my ass. No one in their right mind puts butter on pop tarts. That’s... I can’t even look at you while you eat.” He grimaced and turned his head.

“Go to work then,” Lynn suggested. She took a big bite.

Mason grabbed his coffee and winked at me before heading toward the front of the hotel and through the front door. Lynn giggled next to me, with her mouth full. It was mere coincidence that she and I ate our pop tarts the same way. It was unusual. It just happened to gross Mason out and became our morning ritual.

He didn’t seem to mind that I spent so much time with Lynn but I also knew him and his patience would end abruptly.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” Lynn asked.

I took a moment to really consider what I wanted to do my first time out in Vancouver. Since I’d arrived, I’d spent all my time in the room on Mason’s laptop and watching movies on the Disney channel. Lynn took pity on me and invited me to spend her day off with her.

“I say we go shopping. I’ve never been shopping with anyone besides Mason or by myself.”

Lynn looked shocked. “You’ve never been out shopping with a girlfriend? Oh honey, that’s a crime.” She pushed my shoulder lightly with a laugh.

“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes dramatically, “Mason is not the best shopping partner. He usually offers to drive me somewhere, spends ten minutes following me around and then sits in the car the rest of the time.”

“Hell, Fallyn…that sounds like ninety percent of the men I know. He is right on schedule.” She downed the rest of her orange juice. “Today is dedicated to us.”

“To us,” I echoed.

“How did you and Mason meet? Do you mind me asking?” Lynn questioned as we navigated the lobby and climbed into a cab I’d expertly hailed.

“What has he told you?” I had no idea what he’d told her already.

Lynn scoffed. “The master of secrecy? He didn’t tell me much past that fact that he adores you.”

My eyes grew wide in disbelief. “You’re f*cking kidding me.”

She giggled and pointed out directions to the driver. “It’s in his body language. Not to mention, he’s never brought a girl to set before, let alone spend all his time with one. I don’t know what you did to him girl but he’s got it bad.”

“I…I didn’t do anything to him.” I laughed nervously. The new details brought a whole new light to the Mason situation.

Lynn left the relationship questions behind in the cab and I couldn’t have been happier. She was an excellent shopping partner and made me less likely to slit a wrist when I slid my bank card to pay for something that wasn’t from Target. It felt good to get out and just not think. We tried on hats, drank coffee that cost way too much in my opinion, and I purchased my first iPod.

I couldn’t wait for Mason to fill it full of music for me.

Mason. SHIT.

“Lynn, what time is it?” I asked but still dug around in my bag for my phone.

“Well,” she turned her wrist over to check her watch, “it’s almost six thirty.”

“Shit, shit, shit.” I sighed and pulled my phone out.

“What’s wrong?” Lynn hailed a cab.

I pressed myself in the backseat next to her and all of our bags. “Mason has no idea where I’m at.”

“What is he? You’re keeper?” She laughed.

“No, it’s not that, nothing like that. I just, well we haven’t had this situation before since we’re always together.”

“Fallyn, you’re a grown woman. He’ll get over whatever’s up his ass when we get back. Today was so much fun; we’re doing this again.”

I chuckled nervously. I wasn’t scared of Mason and he would never tower over me like some dictator but we always had dinner together. Part of me was afraid of losing him and so I went out of my way to make him happy. Then again, he did the same for me. It was a two way street, at least.

“He isn’t answering his phone,” I mumbled to myself before shoving the phone into my pocket.

“It’s fine,” Lynn said as we arrived at the hotel. She patted my hand and we walked toward the elevators.

I could see her sideway glances and my stomach turned a little at what she must have been thinking. I had made it sound like he was throwing a fist to me nightly if I put a toe out of line. That wasn’t the case. We stepped off the elevator in silence and I slid the key card into the door. It clicked and we walked in casually, except for the rolling of my gut.

Mason was lounged on the small couch in the suite living room, which he never did. He barely watched television. When we reached him, he hit the power button and the room went silent.

“How was your day ladies?” he asked easily and my stomach relaxed a little.

“Luxurious.” Lynn collapsed to the sofa next to him with her bags. “Fallyn is my new favorite shopping partner, I love her.”

He looked at Lynn with a slight smile. “I’m glad you had fun.” Then, he turned to me. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

I nodded and followed him from the room, feeling nervous again. I glanced back at Lynn one last time. She pumped her fist in the air and I giggled. Mason, on the other hand wasn’t so giggly.

“You were gone all day. You didn’t call me.” His face had morphed into something reminiscent of anger.

“You knew I was out with Lynn.” One thing I didn’t want to do was argue with him while she was right in the next room.

“I thought maybe you would come by the set…that’s all.”

His face fell and I felt guilty even though I had no actual reason to. He made me feel like I was all he had, which I knew very well wasn’t true. He was, however; all I had. Until Lynn entered the picture, that is.

I moved forward and tried to hug him. He shrugged away. “Mason, just listen to me and stop being a baby. I’m here for another week and a half. There is plenty of time for me to go to set with you.”

He glared at me again. “I’m not being a baby. Christ…”

There wasn’t much that irritated me but Mason Chance with his panties in a twist was one of them. “Are you off balance or something? Is it a crime to make friends and spend a day out?”

He drug his hands through his knotty hair with a sigh. “Fallyn, I thought you came here to see me, not spend all your money.”

My hand flew out and pushed against his chest. He looked startled but recovered quickly. “Don’t do that ever again.”

If looks could kill, we would both be casualties of a war that had just begun.

“You,” I poked him in the chest despite his warning, “are the biggest hypocrite I know. Just before you left did you or did you not tell me I was a big girl and could entertain myself without you?”

His lips flopped like they usually did when he didn’t know what to say.

I removed my finger from his shirt and turned to stare out of the balcony doors. “You’re jealous, just admit it.”

“I’m not jealous,” he spat.

I turned and raised an eyebrow at him. He looked pissed. “Really? It sure looks that way to me. Last time I checked you weren’t the ruler of Fallyn land.”

“I like being the only visitor to Fallyn land,” he admitted with a sideways smirk.

A sharp knock on the bedroom door stopped me from grabbing his face and kissing the shit out of him.

“Sorry,” I apologized when I opened the door to see Lynn standing there, looking unsure.

She smiled and looked past me at Mason who was half facing me, half facing the bathroom. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mason.”

He nodded slowly.

“You coming to set tomorrow?” She turned her attention back to me.

“Seems that way. Look, thank you for today. It was nice to have some girl time.”

Lynn smiled. “Remind me to give you my number tomorrow. We need to keep in touch when we all get back to LA.”

“Sure. See you tomorrow.”

She looked past me at Mason once more before leaving.

“What do we do now? Are you going to be an a*shole all night or can we move on from this bullshit?”

He crossed the room and stopped just inside the bathroom to take his shirt off. “I’m going to take a shower. I’ll be out shortly.”

“Fine,” I said to the door as he swung it closed.

Mason and I had never really had a fight before. Then again, there never was anything for us to fight over. It had been just him and I since Jill left me high and dry in Philadelphia. I sort of knew where he was coming from. Just thinking about a life without him in it made me want to throw up.

I heard the water turn on in the other room so I wandered back into the living area of our suite and ordered something from the room service menu. I must have fallen asleep because a knock on the door was the next thing I remembered. When Mason didn’t blow by and answer it I got up, tipped the man behind the cart and took my dinner. The suite was quiet. Mason had left while I was passed out, the bastard. He was probably trying to teach me a lesson by making me eat dinner alone. The only lesson I learned was not to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Eventually, he did come back. Too bad it was after ten and I was sound asleep in the large king bed when he did. I felt him climb on the bed clumsily and I wiped at my eyes, trying to focus them in the dark room.

“You couldn’t wait up?” His breath smelled like whiskey. He’d been in the bar downstairs drowning his a*shole-ness in top shelf liquor.

“I was tired, OK?”

“You’re still mad I guess.”

“No, I’m not mad.”

His fingers were ice cold, probably from holding a glass most of the night. He straddled my body, which was still under the covers. I simply stared at the outline of his jaw because nothing he did surprised me.

“Can I talk to you about something?” He asked while kissing the skin along my bare shoulder.

I reached down and pulled his shirt up and over his head. “Go for it.”

“You’re beautiful.” He sat back on his knees and just stared.

“What’s the matter?” I climbed out from under him and the covers. It looked like he had been crying but that couldn’t be possible. Mason did not cry…in front of me at least.

“I…I’m gonna screw this all up. I can’t hurt you Fallyn.”

I scrambled to pull him to me. “You’re drunk…just calm down.”

Usually both of us were intoxicated. I hadn’t ever been the only sober one before and he was scaring me a little.

He sniffed and grabbed my face between both his hands. “I need to know that it’s just you and me. That maybe, you could love me.”

I ached for him the moment the words left his mouth. “I’m here aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” he whispered and released my face to curl up in my lap.

My fingers twisted his dark curls. I didn’t know what to say so I moved further down the bed until his head rested comfortably against my chest. Maybe he didn’t want to talk. I could respect that. His breathing slowed as we laid there and part of me wished he’d just gone to sleep.

“No, stay there,” he said softly when I tried to move out from under his weight. “I’m listening to your heart…”

“My heart?”

“Yes, your heart. It’s nice.” He was wasted.

“Maybe we should just get some sleep. You’ve got work in the morning.” I have never been the voice of reason but it came naturally at that moment.

“No.” He rolled until his body was laying flush with mine. He lifted his upper body with his arms, holding himself there as he looked down at me. “You always thank me for being there for you. I’ve never returned the favor. You help me out, you know. Shit, I can’t even admit we’re practically a couple.”

I pressed two fingers against his dry lips. “Shut up. I don’t need to hear it for it to be true.”

“You’re full of the right things to say,” he murmured. He rolled and reversed our positions. “Take off your shirt…” he said in a broken voice.

My chest was near bursting with all his drunken admissions. I knew everything he said was true and it wouldn’t ever have been said without the help of good old Jameson. He trailed his rough fingertips along my skin as I lifted my shirt. The action left me almost completely naked but I welcomed the feeling. Something happened between Mason and I in the highest moments of pleasure. We let everything go and forget anything that happened before that moment of release.

“I would be lost without you,” I admitted to him.

He lifted his waist from the bed as my hands wandered slowly down his pale chest. I took the opportunity to remove the pair of shorts he’d worn to bed. His excitement was evident but he stopped me before I could wrap my hands around him.

“This is different,” he whispered in my ear. “Can you feel it?”

His breath was cool and I shivered. “When did it change?”

“I…” he flipped us once more and pressed me into the bed with his weight. “I don’t know.”

All communication stopped then. He explored me as if it were his first visit. His tongue found each breast before he moved south and made lazy, slow circles around my belly button. His fingers rocked in and out of me and I almost cried. The loving attention to all my details was mind blowing, especially for me who hadn’t ever been so important to a man before.

He fell asleep before me that night and I lay awake in his arms wondering what we’d just done. I knew we’d crossed that line that divides casual and committed.