Vicious Circles

Chapter 11

I can look back and see all the things I did wrong along the journey to where I am today but I’m afraid to say I would change anything. The risk of not having Mason in my life is far too great now and it was far too great then, despite the downward spiral we were on.

September 2009

The last couple of days in Vancouver were awkward on the set of Mason’s movie. Lynn spent time with me as usual and we made sure not to bring up the incident at the cast dinner around Mason. Lynn thought it was because he was embarrassed but I knew better. He was afraid it would upset me. The other’s kept their distance from me which was embarrassing. Mason didn’t seem to notice. He held my hand on the way to location and held it on the way back. We spent the last moments in Canada together, just like we always did.

For some reason, stepping into LAX made me feel normal again. I breathed a sigh of relief as we exited the gate. Mason’s arm was around my shoulders and some people were checking us out, but it was nothing like the last two weeks. Mason was right. We were different. The way he held my hand and always had his arm around me was different. He was…protective.

“I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed,” I said with a yawn as we walked toward the long term parking lot where I’d left his car.

“I can’t wait to sleep in your bed either,” he replied.

“What’s wrong with your own bed?” I laughed. “I don’t even know why you pay rent at a place you never stay at.”

“I like to keep my options open.” He grinned at me. “So, what are the big plans you and Lynn were whispering about yesterday?”

“Nothing really. We’re having lunch and probably some car shopping…”

“Car shopping? I thought we discussed that.” More like he’d discussed the fact that he liked driving me around and I could use his car anytime.

“Mason, I can’t rely on you forever. That’s just ridiculous.”

We’d finally reached his car and he lifted our suitcases into the trunk. “I just don’t like the idea, Fallyn. That’s all.”

“Let’s not talk about it then. Let’s talk about what we’re eating because I’m starving.” My stomach growled loudly.

He turned to me as I got into the passenger seat and smirked. “In and Out?”

I laughed and put my seatbelt on. “Sounds perfect.” It was good to be home.

***

“You absolutely need a car in Los Angeles. That’s just common knowledge, Fallyn.” Lynn had both my hands in hers, trying to talk some sense into me.

“Can I really afford this damn thing? What if I don’t get any more work after this movie? Then what?” I stared at the bright blue car with lust in my eyes. It was perfect for me.

“This better not be because Mason thinks it’s a bad idea. You can’t listen to him!”

OK, maybe part of my hesitation was Mason’s reaction to the whole idea. “No, well…not exactly.” I ran my fingers along the smooth metal of the hood.

“Think about this. Mason is prepping for a tour and you’re about to film your first movie. You two are both busy and he can’t possibly drive you around everywhere. He’s being unreasonable.” She narrowed her eyes at me and I knew she meant business.

“Lynn, I don’t know what I would do without you.” She and I hadn’t been friends long but I was thankful for her. Compared to Jill, Lynn Taylor was a saint.

“You would be relying on Mason Chance to get around which is the equivalent of taking the city bus.”

We both giggled and I got the salesman’s attention. I bought my first car that day and the payments were crazy but I had my very own car that I could park at my very own apartment. Mason actually liked the damn car so we ended up driving it around more than his. He seemed content with the fact that we were still inseparable even though we both had our own transportation. When I started filming for my movie, he started band practice for his tour. Neither of us could complain about the time apart because by the time we got together in the evening at my place, we were tired as shit.

Lynn claimed the time apart was healthy for us as she was sticking to her original observation; we spent too much time alone together. Everything seemed to be balancing out and it seemed like I was happy but I still questioned myself. It seemed too easy.

I had never missed a day of filming, but a week or so after I got my car, I called in sick. My head was pounding and there was a dull ache in my stomach.

“I feel like shit,” I admitted to Lynn over the phone. “I could just throw up right now.”

“Well, wait until I hang up. Then feel free, by all means.” I could hear the LA traffic through her Bluetooth. “I bought you something last night. I was on Rodeo and I saw this scarf that will go with that cute pink top you found in Vancity; you’ll love it.”

The pain in my right side started up again and I groaned. “There’s this pain in my side that won’t go away. It’s like my insides are clawing their way out.”

“Fallyn, do you have a fever?” She sounded worried all of a sudden.

“I don’t know. I don’t have anything to take my temperature with. All I know is I can’t keep anything down and the pain is getting worse.”

“I think you should go to the hospital. It sounds like appendicitis. Where’s Mason?” I’d never heard Lynn so concerned.

“Mason is at band practice, where he always is lately. I couldn’t even go in to work today. Wait, can I die from appendicitis? I feel like I might die.”

“You are not funny, Fallyn. I’m only ten minutes away. Get dressed, we’re going to the ER.” Lynn ordered in a business like tone.

I did what she said because the pain was hard to ignore. It gradually got worse and I was crying by the time she arrived in her tiny, prissy car. She helped me hobble out of my apartment in my sweatpants and my sister’s t-shirt and rushed me downtown to the hospital and wheeled me in, in a wheelchair like I was about to give birth. If I hadn’t of been in agony I would have made the joke aloud.

A doctor saw me right away and Lynn was right. I had appendicitis. Before I knew it, I was in a gown that my ass hung out of and was being prepped for surgery. The last thing I remember before the drugs knocked me out was thinking of Mason’s face and how beautiful he really was in my mind.

“She’ll come around soon. The anesthesia should be wearing off.” Some man with a deep voice was talking.

“Everything went OK then?” That was Lynn. I knew her voice anywhere.

“I’m not supposed to discuss things with a non family member, but she’ll be fine.” The man with the deep voice seemed nice.

“I’m her family, you can tell me.” Mason.

Everything was fuzzy like a television without cable and I couldn’t open my eyes, but I could hear Mason and what I presumed was my doctor talking. They whispered somewhere near my bed. I didn’t hear Lynn’s voice anymore after that. She must have left. Eventually, I drifted off into drug induced dream land once again.

The next time I gained consciousness I was able to open my eyes. My throat was on fire and so was the area just above my lower, right hip. Another scar to match the set on my left side. Mason hadn’t brought them up since the first time he’d seen them but he always ran his fingers across the raised flesh with a bothered look on his face. It was only a matter of time before he asked me again.

“Mason?” I managed to say although my throat was on fire.

“Hey there,” he said as he smoothed my sweaty hair away from my forehead. “I was f*cking worried.”

His face told me exactly how he was feeling. Why was it that I saw the real him and no one else even bothered? “It was just a bum appendix, that’s all. I’m good.” I tried to smile but my whole body was aching.

“They cut you open and removed a body part. That’s a little more than nothing,” he said with a kiss to my dry lips. “I’m not leaving you until you’re normal again.”

“I wasn’t normal to begin with,” I protested.

“I just need the smart ass, stubborn girl back that checked into the hospital. I think the



Vancouver thing stressed us out and I don’t want that to change anything.” There was a slight glaze to his green eyes and I worried that he might cry.

Vancouver did change things but I hadn’t been aware that I’d pulled away from him. “I had such a good time with you. We’re fine, OK?”

“I believe you.” He poured me a cup of water. “Get some rest; I can bust you out of here tomorrow.”

I panicked a little when he stood to leave the room. “Where are you going? Where’s Lynn?”

“I’m going to grab some dinner and call the guys. Lynn said she would stop by your place tomorrow. She had to work.” He returned to my side and kissed me again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

True to his word, Mason stayed with me all night, even though the nurses raised hell after visiting hours ended. He slept in the hard, plastic chair in the corner of my room and never complained. When I was discharged, he brought my car and sat me easily in the front seat. He tried to buckle me in but I smacked his hand away playfully.

“We’ll stop on the way home to get your prescription.” He lit a cigarette for me and then for himself.

“I still don’t see why I need Percocet with three refills. Jesus, do they expect me to be in pain for months?” I hadn’t ever taken anything stronger than a couple of headache pills from Target’s pharmacy.

“This is Hollywood, baby. You can be in pain for as long as you like. I doubt you’ll need them after a few days; maybe a week.”

“What if they make me loopy? I might fall and break something.”

Mason laughed. “Then you can go back to the hospital and get another three months of pills.”

“Very funny.” I rested my head against the window.

My agent had called the director of the film I was working on and explained my situation while I was in surgery. He seemed okay with the whole thing but I was determined to get back to work as soon as I could. The doctor had suggested I lay around for three weeks but I was only allowed to be absent from set for three or four days. Maybe I would need the Percocet after all.

It was nice having Mason taking care of me and my agent fielding all the press shit that was coming in. For some reason, people had taken an interest in me since the photos in Vancouver emerged. It was only because he and I were an item, but neither of us were confirming a thing. We hadn’t even figured things out for ourselves. Of course, my emergency surgery was all over the place, but it was nice to sit around my place with Mason for three days and pretend the whole world was void of human life besides us.

I didn’t even take the stupid pills out of the pharmacy bag until my first day back to work. Lynn thought I was out of my mind and made sure to tell me so but I had to get back to work. I had a car and an apartment to pay for. Things would never be as bad as they were before.

I stood in the bathroom of my trailer for a good ten minutes, with the rusty, orange bottle of pills in my right hand. My stomach and hip area was killing me. I took a deep breath and dumped two into my hand. They went down easy.

“You’ve got five minutes,” a PA called into my trailer.

I looked myself in the mirror and plastered my best smile on. Nothing would stop me from being happy and if I had to suffer a little to make it happen, so be it.