Pummeled
February, 2002
“Holy shit, two million dollars?”
“Jesus, with all of that money why the hell was she hanging on to all of those fluorescent clothes from high school?”
It’s the one year anniversary of Kelly’s death and the first time Courtney, Nicole, and I have been to the cemetery since Craig died. And, as we walk closer to the gravesite, we see that he’s parked right next to his wife now. The three of us stare at the morbid setting for a minute before we quietly start setting up the picnic.
Always one to ask the nitty-gritty questions, Nicole dives into the cash management.
“So how does all of that loot get doled out?”
“It’s in a trust. I get a fixed amount every month to pay for the necessities: school, food, entertainment stuff…and the amount increases a little every year until she turns eighteen. That’s when the rest is hers to do what she wants.”
“Wow, lucky kid.”
Before Nicole notices the disgust on Courtney’s face and mine, she’s quick to reach her hand out, touch Kelly’s tombstone, and recant.
“Omigod, I’m such an a*shole. I didn’t mean that AT ALL!”
I give her a kiss and tell her, “She knows.”
“What? That I’m an a*shole or I didn’t mean it?”
“Both.”
After a few quiet minutes of my friends processing the fact that I’m Kendall’s legal guardian, I ask them if they’re okay with it.
“We kind of assumed. I mean, she’s been living with you since day one.”
“Yeah, it’s okay, Chrissy. You don’t have to feel bad. We knew Kelly didn’t want Kendall in daycare and that’s where she would’ve ended up if either of us got custody of her. Plus, we know how much you love her. You’re gonna do a great job of raising her.”
“I wish I was as optimistic as you two about this. I’m scared to death I’m gonna screw her up.”
Leaning in to give me a big supportive hug, they chime, “Welcome to motherhood.”
After a much needed pep talk from my experienced mom-friends, I grab two beers, one for me and one for the top of Kelly’s tombstone. But then I suddenly remember, due to Kendall, I don’t drink anymore. I place Kelly’s in its usual spot and pause for a second before I place the other one on Craig’s.
“This is so sickening.”
I couldn’t agree more with Nicole’s claim, and I could talk about how nauseating the scene is until the sun goes down. But, never one to stay in a dismal emotional state for long, Courtney changes the subject to one that only proves dismal for me.
“How did Kurt take the news about Kendall?”
“Not good. Mumbled something about never giving up his visitation and f*ck Leo if he thinks he’s gonna raise Kendall.”
“Oh shit. That’s intense.”
“Probably not as intense as what Leo said though, right Chrissy?”
I know Nicole is inquiring because she truly cares about me, but I don’t want to tell her Leo’s real reaction for fear it’ll get back to Kurt and fuel his fire.
“Leo said he loves me. He’ll do anything to make me and Kendall happy.”
In reality, I called Leo when I left the attorney’s office, and while he told me he loves me, he’s one hundred percent NOT happy with the visitation arrangement. In fact, his exact words were, “I’m not sure how much deeper I can dig on this.” The minute I got back to work that day, I cried my eyes out with worry as I told my yoga team the truth about Leo’s frustration. And when I did that, I created a brand new reason to keep my old best friends away from my new great ones. That girl’s night out thing is NEVER happening if I have any say in it.
“That’s surprising.”
“What do you mean?”
“I dunno, with his short fuse and the way he pummeled Kurt…You’d think the guy would freak out if he knew he’d have to engage with him during every Kendall tradeoff.”
Do’h! I hate hearing the truth! I feel defensive Chrissy kicking into gear.
“First of all, Kurt started that fight so it’s not really fair to call him the one with the short fuse, and second of all, Leo knows exactly what he’s getting by marrying me and Kendall. In fact, I can’t think of anyone else strong enough to handle that kind of pressure.”
“Correction, with all of that visitation, he’s kind of marrying you, Kendall, and Kurt.”
Courtney, sensing by my silence that I’m plagued by what Nicole just said, switches the subject to something she thinks is more positive.
“When do you think he’ll be back from New York?”
“The original plan was next month, but it’s now delayed by two months…he thinks.”
“What’s his relationship like with Kendall?”
Aware that she struck an irritated-chord with that question, she’s quick to defend it.
“We know he’s a great guy, adores you, and all of that. It’s hard to just suddenly be a dad, though. Just wondering how he’s handling it.”
“He sends her gifts, calls her all of the time. All of that snipe hunting they used to do went far to win her over. Trust me, that little girl adores him.”
Throwing a potato chip at me, Nicole chimes in with, “You wanna know what I’m worried about?”
“How you’re gonna get that giant stain out of your pants? Seriously, Nic, what is it with you and coffee drinks?”
“Shut up! No, I’m worried about that great big sex life of yours!”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“Dude, you live in a six hundred square foot box…with a kid!”
“Yeah girl, Nicole’s right. You’re gonna have to get a longer hallway between you two and Kendall. Oh, and you should probably get some locks on the doors.”
I turn my head swiftly back to Nicole who’s apparently got more insight to add to my sexless future.
“Well, that’s only if you have the energy to have sex. The older the kids get, the later they stay up. By the time they konk out, you’re too damn tired to even lay there while he pounds away at you. It’s too much freakin’ work after all of the work you already did that day, half of which you don’t even talk about because…you’re too damn tired!”
My head darts back at Courtney looking for some kind of positive spin on this subject. But there’s none to be found.
She shrugs her shoulders and lets it rip. “There’s always the morning though, you know, at around six when you know for sure the kid is still asleep. Of course, you look like shit and you’re breath smells like ass, but you won’t look at each other anyway. He’ll just pull your pj’s down and stick it in from behind. The good thing about that position though is you can doze off for a few more minutes.”
Nicole laughs and slaps her on the shoulder. “You do that too?”
Horrified, I stare at my friends before I say, “C’mon you guys, it’s not that bad…is it?”
Reaching for another beer, sarcastic Nicole replies, “You were married before. Tell us, did the sex get better as time went on?”
“Well…no! But, with Leo it’s different!”
Looking at me like she ain’t buying what I’m selling, Nicole keeps at it.
“There are those occasional nights though, you know…when you get hammered at a girl’s night out or something. You come home all drunk and crawl into bed and have crazy sex like you used to have before kids.”
“Yeah, but he’s the only one who gets something out of it though, because you’re usually too drunk to feel anything.”
“Damn right about that, Court! And, the other downside to those drunk nights is he just expects it like two nights later when you’re completely sober and all you want to do is watch your TIVO”.
It’s quiet for a minute, and I’m relieved that it looks like we’re going to change the subject. But, they’re not done.
“It’s when you have a brand new baby that you can kiss that sex life goodbye.”
“So true, Nic! So, what do you think? They probably have what…like a year or two of semi-good sex left?”
I heatedly throw my hands in the air to halt the sex--or should I say--NO sex talk.
“A baby? We just got a four-year-old! There won’t be any babies anytime soon!”
“That’s what you think! You can get pretty lazy about birth control once you’re married!”
“Yeah and not to mention how forgetful you can become when you have a four-year-old!”
Rolling my eyes at my friend’s over the top scare tactics, I tell them to shut up.
“Stop worrying about my sex life and start worrying about you own! Sounds like you need to!”
I thought I made it clear we were done with the subject, but Courtney dives in for a little more information.
“Speaking of sex and babies and stuff, what do you and Leo use?”
“For protection? Oh, my last depo shot was…” Counting the months on my fingers, I’m shocked to realize how right Courtney was when she said a four-year-old would make me forgetful. “Wow, it was in September. My next one was supposed to be last month, but crap, I just realized I forgot to get it. I’ve been so busy, I guess it just slipped my mind.”
Clapping her hands, Nicole boasts, “Oh girl! I see a baby in your near future!”