The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy)

Burnt

February, 2002


“That’s all I get?”

The attorney is looking at Kurt like he should be happy he only got Kendall for a couple of days a week. And, I’m looking at him like he better not ask for more. This is what Kelly wants and this is what Kendall is going to get.

Clearly, he’s not satisfied with the news he’s just been delivered, and he sits upright in his chair when he infuriatingly addresses the attorney.

“Hold on a minute, I just need to get this straight…If Chrissy gets married, Kendall will basically live with the guy for…five days a week?”

Addressing him like he’s a fool for not seeing the bright side of this set up, the sleazy attorney says, “Yeah…and conversely if YOU get married, you and your new wife will have the child for two days a week.” Then addressing us both, “However, according to the will, Kurt, you have the option to back out of visitation at any time, by simply signing this piece of paper.” Kurt takes the paper the attorney is dangling in the air and tosses it in the garbage.

“What about Chrissy, can she opt out?”

“Are you joking with that, Kurt?”

“Hey, it’s a reasonable question. You’re the one starting a new life.” Insistently speaking back to the attorney, “Well…can she?”

“It’s not that easy for her. She can contest the guardianship, but it would most likely mean Kendall would be put into foster care until the court determines new caregivers. You, or her grandparents, could fight for that role, but clearly, this is not what her parents wanted to happen. They’ve chosen your ex-wife.”

“Can Chrissy decide to give me more visitation?”

“Kurt, what are you doing?”

“What I think is best for Kendall.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’m the best for her? Do you think I’ll…what was it you said years ago, ‘have to bum a bagel off of someone in the school parking lot to feed her?’”

“It’s not you I’m worried about.”

“Jesus Christ, Kurt, he loves her too!”

“How the hell can he love her? He just met her like five minutes ago!”

The attorney holds up his hands in the air and interrupts our spat.

“Ahhhh, so I take it there’s a new Mr. Chrissy on the horizon…”

“Yeah, and what if I’m not happy about that for Kendall?”

The unsympathetic sleazebag attorney tells Kurt exactly what he didn’t want to hear.

“Sorry my friend, but you’re just gonna have to be unhappy like the other three million ex-husbands out there. The will of Kendall’s parent’s wants what it wants. You have no say in this arrangement other than opting out of your visitation. But just know, once you opt out, you can’t opt back in. Mr. and Mrs. Chrissy will have the child one hundred percent of the time.”

“What about the appointments with the child psychologist? Can I still go to those?”

“The choice is your ex-wife’s. The only thing this document gives you is the right to have Kendall with you on the weekends. However, the will doesn’t specify every single weekend, only that the schedule needs to be consistent. The exact rotation has to be worked out between the two of you…” Looking down at the will, “…within thirty days. If you agree with this, you just need to sign here.”

Kurt irritably grabs the last page of the document from the attorney and signs his name at the bottom, effectively agreeing with the terms of it. Before he storms out, he says to me, “I will never opt out of my time with Kendall. The only opting out will be from your engagement when that guy finds out I’m not going anywhere.”

After Kurt storms out of the office, the attorney turns to me.

“That tough guy act didn’t fool me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Looks like someone still wishes they could play house with you.”

As I sign my part of the document, effectively making me Kendall’s legal guardian, his rudeness continues.

“I guess since you’re getting married though he can wish in one hand and crap in the other, huh?”

I ease his curiosity as I hand the papers back to him. I say, rather numbly, “Yep, that house burned down a long time ago.”