“I feel the same, Caro. You’ve taught me everything I know.”
I blinked in surprise.
“You have. You’ve taught me who I can be, you’ve made me stronger. You make me want to see the magic in the world. I didn’t know falling in love could be… like this.”
Was that really how he felt? Is that how he saw me: someone who could make him stronger? How did that happen? I was so weak and cowardly. But, and I felt a small flowering of hope inside me, I had changed, hadn’t I. I was getting stronger: not yet strong, but getting there.
It felt as if he’d been the one to teach me. Perhaps we had learned together.
He held me carefully, making sure his legs didn’t accidentally brush against mine.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said softly. “I want to be with you so badly, but you just end up getting hurt every time I come near you. Why is it so hard for us to be together? It’s so fucking unfair!”
“I know, tesoro.”
He was so hurt and confused and there was so little I could do to help either of us.
I let out a long sigh.
“I think you’d better go now.”
“No!” he gasped. “No way!” He raised his voice. “I’m not leaving you alone with that asshole!”
“I can’t fight with you, too, Sebastian,” I whispered. “I don’t have the strength.”
“No! I didn’t… what if he… I can’t leave you here alone!” he said desperately.
I turned carefully to look at him.
“This isn’t something you can fix, Sebastian. I’m the one who’s screwed up; I have to fix it. But you’re right about one thing – I can’t stay here.” I took a deep breath. “There are lots of empty rooms around the university now all the students are on vacation. I’ll check out the listings for people wanting roommates. There are places for less than $500 a month. I can manage that.”
I didn’t tell Sebastian I had no idea how I’d afford to eat and put gas in my car at the same time.
“And there’s a Motel 6 up by San Ysidro that’s only $50 a night. That can be my last resort, if necessary.”
Sebastian’s face was grim. “I have nearly $700. That’ll buy another month, food and gas.”
Maybe he could read my mind.
I stroked his cheek. “I can’t take your money.”
“Yes, you can! I want you to, please, Caro. Let me help you. I want to take care of you. This is all my…”
I laid a finger over his lips. I couldn’t bear to hear him so desperate, trying to look after me the way a man looks after a woman.
He kissed my finger and pulled my hand away from his mouth.
“You should go see a lawyer, Caro. Take half of everything that bastard has.”
I shook my head. “No, Sebastian. I won’t be doing that.”
“Why not?” he said, hotly. “You deserve…”
I interrupted him gently.
“I don’t want anything of his. Do you understand? Nothing. But there’s another reason… if I make David fight a divorce, I’m afraid he’ll find out about us. I know him: he’ll keep digging and digging and digging until he finds the reason why I left him after all this time. His ego will demand that there’s a reason other than… other than himself. And then he’ll take me down.”
I could feel the tension and stress in Sebastian’s body: all his muscles were rigid and he was only just holding onto his temper. He pulled me tighter against his chest, his hands trembling, but he couldn’t speak. He buried his face against my neck and we held each other as the night slipped past.
I stroked his back and gradually his body began to relax, his breathing becoming deep and even.