I couldn’t sleep but I was glad that Sebastian did. I listened to the soft sounds of breath on his lips and watched his face relaxed and peaceful. I felt such crushing guilt when I looked at him, so beautiful; so sweet and young. All he’d done was to love me and now he was in danger of being swept away in the floodwaters of my failed marriage.
The right thing for me to do was to leave quietly and head for New York. That way David and I could conduct our divorce with some dignity – I hoped – and my relationship with Sebastian would stay hidden. Once he was 18, and with me already on the east coast, he’d be able to escape. People would talk and maybe even guess the truth, but there would be no proof – and we’d be safe.
Two things held me back from making that decision: firstly, I knew that Sebastian would never agree and it would mean another fight; and secondly, I felt responsible for his fragile soul and I didn’t want to leave him unprotected.
I knew Shirley and Mitch would look after him as much as they could – they already thought of him as a second son – but they didn’t have the legal power to support him against the wishes of Donald and Estelle. Not unless they were prepared to swear to the historic and ongoing abuse. And, despite everything, Donald was one of them – part of the military family. That worked two ways. The military looked after their own, but the other mantra that was drilled into them had a darker side: ‘snitches get stitches and wind up in ditches’.
I couldn’t see Mitch wanting to go down that road: it would be the end of his career. If Sebastian had been younger, then maybe, but not now he was so near his eighteenth birthday, legal adulthood and emancipation.
So that was the reasoning behind my plan: spend the next couple of days finding a room; then work up the courage to tell David I was leaving him.
I knew my husband well enough to feel confident that his guilt over my accident would keep him silent for the few days I needed.
At least, that’s what I hoped.
Chapter 16
At dawn, I gently shook Sebastian awake.
I’d listened all night for the sound of David’s return but the house had stayed silent and kept its secrets.
He yawned and stretched, giving me the most glorious smile.
“God, I love waking up with you, Caro. I want to do it for the rest of my life.”
His words squeezed my heart painfully. I badly wanted to believe them.
Then his smile faded and I saw the weight of memories flood back. He frowned.
“How are you? How are your legs?”
“Not too bad. Pretty good really.”
In truth, they were more than a little sore, particularly so when I flexed my knees, but nothing I was going to worry about. The worst area was the top of my right foot and that was painful. From a few exploratory prods, I could feel that it had blistered over night. It was going to be hellish trying to wear shoes; even flip-flops would rub in all the wrong places.
He looked at me skeptically.
“Really?”
“Sure,” I said, not meeting his eyes and sitting up.
He reached out and pulled me back down, forcing me to look at him. “Really?”
“My right foot is a little sore,” I conceded. “I just need to put a band-aid on it, that’s all.”
This time he let me get out of bed and lay there watching me.
I couldn’t help noticing that he’d kicked off his jeans in the night and was wearing just a T-shirt and boxer briefs – with a large bulge showing clearly. Although my body tingled with Pavlovian response, I really wasn’t in the mood to do anything about it, and Sebastian didn’t even seem to be aware. Perhaps he woke up like that every morning. I smiled to myself, considering that soon I’d be in a position to answer that interesting question.
When I came back from the bathroom, he was fully dressed. He’d even taken the time to make the bed and turn back the sheets nicely.