Happily Brenda seemed to have disappeared. Which was lucky for her, the way I was feeling.
Sebastian was slumped in the lifeguard’s chair when I emerged into the sunshine from the gloom of the clubhouse, but beamed at me as I resumed my seat under the sun umbrella. I really was going to have to talk to him about playing it cool. I gave him a quick smile and went back to my laptop. Now Brenda had gone, I had a reasonable chance of actually managing to put some words on the page.
It was surprisingly soothing to have Sebastian sitting there while I worked. I wrote steadily for some time, sipping at the thin coffee that had been brought to my table, becoming more and more absorbed in describing life on a military Base, with its odd mixture of discipline and play, rules and separation that marked us out as different from the world beyond the walls. It made me realize how much I’d come to rely on that sense of orderliness, togetherness, of family, even. I’d felt so alien in this world for so long, I hadn’t even noticed my slow absorption into this isolated, alternative way of life. I wondered if I’d miss it once I’d left. I didn’t think so, but for so long it was all I’d known. Now, at last, Sebastian was offering me something different.
I looked at my wristwatch, astonished that it was already after 5 PM. I had to get home – and face David. Twelve more weeks of feeling like this, I didn’t know how I’d manage. And I’d be without the warmth of Sebastian’s body beside me tonight. That thought alone made me feel bereft.
I looked up to see him watching me, a small frown creasing his forehead. I smiled quickly and subtly tapped my watch. The corners of his lips turned down and he nodded fractionally.
With a sigh, I packed up my notebook and laptop, and left him behind.
At 6 PM I heard David’s car pull up. I made sure that his dinner, reheated lasagna and salad, was ready.
As he walked in, I fixed a smile to my face and pulled his steaming plate out of the microwave and placed it on the table next to the salad bowl.
But he didn’t look at the food – he looked right at me, his face stiff and angry, sitting bolt upright at the table.
“Have you got something to tell me, Caroline?”
I’m sure my face was drained of color, because I suddenly felt very faint. I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out.
“Well?”
“I…”
“I saw Dr Ravel today,” he snarled at me, “who reported to me that you missed your appointment!”
I felt a sudden desire to laugh. Was that all that was bothering him.
“That’s right,” I said, feeling brave now that I was sure it was nothing to do with Sebastian.
“Would you like to explain that?” he hissed.
“I felt no need for an appointment, David. You made it without consulting me. If you had, I would have reminded you that I had a Pap smear six months ago and that there were no problems. And I certainly am not experiencing an early menopause – I’m quite sure of that.”
Silence filled the room and our eyes locked.
“And what the hell is Dr Ravel doing discussing me – her patient – with you? Hasn’t she heard of HIPPA?”
“If it’s not physical, it must be psychological,” he said, coolly ignoring my comment. “I’ll arrange for you to see the Base psychiatrist and…”
“No, you won’t, David,” I replied, trying to match his sanguine tone, but with little luck. “I am not seeing a shrink; there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Then why are you sleeping in the spare room?” he yelled, all attempt at control gone. “That is going to stop tonight. I want you back in my bed where you belong!”
“No!” I yelled back. “I fucking well won’t!”
David’s face was comically shocked. “Yes, you will,” he said, with far less force.
I stared back at him and folded my hands across my waist.
“No.”
We glared at each other across the kitchen table.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he shouted suddenly, making me jump.