Secrets of a Bollywood Marriage

CHAPTER NINE


TINA PACED THE courtyard, hoping to find serenity, but nothing relieved her agitation. Her high heels clicked against the stone path and the stack of bangles clattered with every move. The water fountains gurgled loudly and the fragrance of the flowers was overpowering. The morning sun was unbearable. She pulled at the neckline of her designer wrap dress. It felt tight and suffocating.

Why had she ever agreed to this?

“Tina?”

She whirled around at the sound of Dev’s voice. Her pulse skipped hard when she saw him walking barefoot down the path. His hair was getting long and a hint of a beard darkened his jaw. Today he wore a long blue tunic and faded jeans but the casual wear didn’t hide his powerful and masculine body.

She felt a flutter low in her belly when she saw the lust flare in his dark eyes. She was keenly aware of how the dress clung to her curves. Tina clasped her hands in front of her and remained still as her heart beat fast.

“Sandeep told me you had asked for the car. Where are you going? An audition?”

Tina went still and nervously licked her lips. “I’m going to a charity luncheon.”

“Really?” His eyes narrowed on her mouth and he strolled closer. “You should have told me. I had made plans for us today.”

She gave a guilty start. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know until the last minute.”

He didn’t say anything as he watched the blush stain her cheeks. “What charity is it?” he asked silkily.

She gritted her teeth. She was reluctant to share any information and she wasn’t sure why. No, that wasn’t true. She knew this was going to trigger a discussion she didn’t want to have with Dev.

“Tina?” His voice held a steely edge.

She looked away. “It’s for mothers who have suffered miscarriages.”

The silence pulsed in the courtyard. She gave a cautious glance in Dev’s direction. Dread settled in her chest as she watched Dev’s harsh features sharpen. She saw the way he clenched his jaw and the hurt that flashed through his eyes.

“They want to promote the resources they offer to these women and they needed a celebrity to get media coverage,” she babbled on. “I volunteered. I thought this would be a good way to honor our son.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked coldly. “Afraid that I would want to come along? Steal the spotlight?”

Tina’s eyes widened with shock. “No, of course not. It’s a women’s charity. I didn’t think you would be interested.”

He flinched. “Right, because I don’t know anything about miscarriages. It hasn’t touched my life, my marriage or my heart.” He turned abruptly and walked back to the house.

“I didn’t say that,” she called out as she hurried after him.

He didn’t look back. “You don’t have to. You’re shutting me out like you did when you miscarried. You had to suffer alone. Deal with it alone.”

“It’s just easier that way!” she declared.

Dev stopped and slowly turned around. “Easier?”

“No, that isn’t true. It’s not easier.” Tina dipped her head and raked her hands through her hair. She was used to carrying the weight of others—her mother, her sisters—but this time she didn’t have the strength. She needed to rely on someone else but no one was there to help. Dev’s absence had felt like a dismissal. A betrayal. She didn’t want to put herself in that position again.


But as she looked at the hurt and disappointment in Dev’s eyes, she realized she was guilty of the same thing she had accused him of. How many times had he reached for her, searching for solace, only to be rejected? She didn’t know. She had been too focused on her own pain. How often had she believed that her grief was stronger, more powerful, because she was the one who had carried the baby?

“It’s my fault we didn’t have a chance to grieve together.” She knew now that Dev hadn’t been indifferent. He mourned differently. Silently. “I wanted to handle it alone and I couldn’t.”

“You got the help you needed,” he reminded her. “I know that was a difficult decision for you, but you did it. You don’t need my help anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Her voice wobbled and she swallowed hard. She needed his help and he needed hers. “I want you to come with me to the charity luncheon.”

His sigh was low and deep. “Tina...”

She raised a shaky hand to stop him. “I thought I could do this on my own, but I can’t. I’ve been walking in circles trying to gather up enough courage to face this luncheon.”

“You won’t fall apart, jaan,” Dev said softly.

He was refusing her offer. Tina took a shallow breath as her chest ached with disappointment. She shouldn’t be surprised. She hadn’t been there for him in the beginning and she kept shutting him out.

“You’re right. I won’t,” she said as she walked past him. “But one of these days, I hope we can honor our son together. Maybe it’s the wrong charity for you. The wrong venue. The wrong time—”

He grabbed her arm and she lurched to a stop. Tina looked down at his large fingers encircling her wrist. She glanced up and stared at the shadows and deep lines in his face.

“I’m still angry that our son didn’t get a chance. So damn angry,” Dev admitted. “You may want to share how you feel with a crowd of strangers, but I’m not ready for the world to witness my pain.”

Tina pressed her lips together and nodded. She hadn’t considered that Dev was at a different stage of grief and loss. While she’d had months to focus on her bereavement, Dev had been struggling on his own.

“But I will go to this charity luncheon with you.” His voice was gravelly. “Because you are the only person I want to grieve with. If this is how you want to mourn, I will be there for you.”

Tina’s lips trembled as her throat ached with emotions. She closed her eyes before the tears started to fall. “And I’ll be there for you, Dev.” She wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “No matter what. I promise.”

* * *

Late one afternoon, Dev stood at the door of Tina’s dance studio. He remained quiet, careful not to disturb Tina as she swayed to bhangra music. When he had returned from America without her, he hadn’t entered this room. As the days had become weeks, he hadn’t approached this wing of the house. He’d known it would be cold and empty. The plain room didn’t hold her spirit or reflect her personality.

Her dancing, however, revealed everything about her.

How often had he watched her films late into the night? Dev leaned his head against the door frame. He had to admit, the story lines and dialogues were awful. The editing was usually sloppy and the special effects were antiquated. But when Tina arrived on the scene, he didn’t notice anything else. Her presence was electrifying and when she danced, the light inside her shone bright.

He knew how she moved and how she expressed herself through dance. It was sensual. Elemental. She could show restraint in the traditional dance styles and energy in the modern steps. Tina conveyed emotion from the tilt of her head to the point of her toe. Most men didn’t notice that. They were mesmerized by the shake of her hips and her mysterious smile.

And he could tell right now that something was off. She was upset. Uncertain. Her movements were sharper and a beat faster than the music.

She stepped out of the spin. Her balance wobbled before she planted both feet firmly on the wood floor. Tina stomped her bare foot and placed her hand on her forehead.

Dev lifted his head as he felt a kick of concern. The clumsy move wasn’t like her. She was innately graceful and had done that spin countless times.

The music continued to play. He recognized it from one of her movies. It was her signature song. The lyrics were audacious, saying she was going to steal the groom from the bride. The choreography was just as suggestive.

He moved forward without thinking about it. As he slid his arm on her waist, Tina jumped and turned around. Before she could step away, Dev grasped her hand with his and cradled her close.

Tina glanced at the door and then turned her attention back at him. “How long have you been here? Were you watching me?”

“A few seconds,” he admitted as they glided across the floor just like old times. Dancing had been just part of the job until he’d met Tina. He’d wanted to be near her, share the music and move as one. He’d found every opportunity to dance with her at clubs, parties and the random moments in the courtyard.

Tina bent her head. “I can’t hit the moves like I used to,” she confessed.

“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself,” Dev declared as his hand flattened against her spine. As his fingers stroked the sweat-slick skin, he was acutely aware that she only wore a sports bra and yoga pants. “Give it some time and it will all come back.”

“I don’t have time.” She looked away. “I heard from my agent today. I’ve been invited to dance at a wedding next month. A very glamorous one for a millionaire.”

His wife should have better assignments. She should star in movies instead of dancing to old songs. “You’ll be ready.”

“I wasn’t their first choice,” Tina continued. “A famous actress was supposed to do it but she dropped out. My agent won’t tell me who the original dancer was but I have a feeling she’s a big name.”

“The guests won’t know,” Dev said in an encouraging tone as they continued to sway to the hypnotic beat of the drums. “And they won’t care once you start dancing.”

“Thanks, Dev,” she said shyly. “I know dancing at weddings is frowned upon with Bollywood royalty. It’s just another way to make money, but I enjoy it.”

“More than acting?”

“Dancing is my first love. I got into acting because acting paid more money.” She gave a small frown. “What about you? Do you enjoy acting?”

“No one has ever asked me that before.” It had always been assumed that he would go into the family business.

“You’re very good at it. A natural. But then, you’re a natural at most things.”

She said it as if it was a character flaw. “I’m more interested in the business behind the camera.”

“I know. I’ve seen how excited you get with the new technology and the new markets. But if you’re bored with acting, you should retire and focus on what you love.”

“Give up being the king of Bollywood?” he mocked.

“King?” She chuckled. “You are a prince at best. And not the only one.”

Dev’s smile widened. He could always trust Tina to give her real opinion. She was supportive but she always gave her real opinion. There weren’t that many people in his life who would do that.

She glanced at the clock. “I have to get ready for Nikhil’s party.”

“Need help with the sari?” he teased as Tina walked away.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “I’m not wearing a sari.”

“What happened to the devoted and adoring wife I was promised?”

Her smile turned bittersweet. “She’s long gone.”

* * *

The dance club was exactly what she needed. It was dark and crowded with colorful lights flashing on the floor. She lifted her arms and shouted her approval at the DJ when she heard the first few notes of her favorite song.

Tina felt Dev behind her. She leaned against his solid chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She’d forgotten how much fun she used to have dancing with Dev.

Nikhil had a very exclusive guest list but the only person she really noticed was her husband. And he couldn’t keep his hands off her. She was secretly pleased at how his eyes had widened when he saw the silver dress she had decided to wear. Tina could tell he approved of her short strapless dress. His gaze would settle on her curves and she noticed he hadn’t said a word about changing into a sari.

Did Dev know that she had chosen the dress for him? Tina realized she had to stop thinking like that. She stepped away and twirled out from his embrace. She needed to stop thinking like a wife. A full-time, long-term wife. She needed to start distancing herself.

She stumbled to a halt when Dev grabbed her wrist and drew her close. She gave him a questioning look as he guided her off the crowded dance floor. He was frowning and his mouth was a straight line.

“What’s wrong?” she asked over the music.

“You were wobbling again,” he said with a grim expression as he escorted her to a small table in the very back of the club. “Sit down and I’ll get you something to drink.”


“I’m okay, Dev.” She reached for his hand and held him still. “I want to go back in and dance.”

“No, it’s not like you to lose your balance,” he said. “I want you to rest.”

“There is nothing wrong with my stamina or my strength,” she insisted.

“I’ll decide that.”

She tossed her hands in the air and sat down next to the table. “Why are you being overprotective?”

“Why can’t I look after you?” he said in a growl.

“Why can’t I look after you?” she shot back.

Dev jerked his head back in surprise. “I don’t need looking after.”

“But I do?” This was the problem of being married to a traditional man.

He leaned forward, his hand on the back of her chair. “You’ve had a rough year.”

“So have you.” And she hadn’t been there for him when he needed her the most.

“Why won’t you let me take care of you?” Dev’s eyes flashed with anger. “Why does this always have to be an argument?”

“You help more than enough.” He helped her so much that she felt like she couldn’t reciprocate. “I live in your house, I spend your money and I don’t contribute anything.”

“Contribute? You do more than you realize. When we were preparing for our son, it was the first time I felt like I belonged to a family.”

The familiar ache settled in her chest when he mentioned their son. “Anyone can give you that.”

“You’d be surprised,” he whispered in her ear. “Anyone would take what I have to offer. But you reject everything I do for you.”

Her shoulders stiffened and she turned her head sharply to stare at Dev’s dark brown eyes. “I don’t reject you.”

“Yes, you do.” This time Dev looked away. “You reject every gift I give you, every gesture, every act I make outside the bedroom.”

Was that true? Tina nervously licked her lips as she tried to remember. She had felt uncomfortable when he lavished her with gifts and she couldn’t give him anything in return. He could make her life easier with just one phone call and all she seemed to do was make his life a living hell. “I don’t mean to. It’s just that...”

He turned quickly, his gaze holding hers. “What?”

Tina gestured between them. “We’re unequal. You have all the power and I have none.”

She saw the shock tighten Dev’s harsh features. “That’s how you see it?”

“That’s how it is!” she insisted and leaned closer. “How can I accept help from you when I can’t give anything back?”

“You help your family,” Dev pointed out. “Your mother and sisters. You don’t expect anything in return.”

“Well, that’s different because—”

“Because in your family, you’re still trying to make up for the fact that you were a financial burden to your mother.”

Tina bit her lip as her skin flushed. She felt exposed. She hated feeling that way, but most of all, she hated that Dev knew.

“And you’ll keep working every job you’re offered,” he continued, “and you pay for everything your family needs because you feel like you have to pay a debt.”

Tina wanted to look away. How did he see all this? What else did he notice? “My mother could have gotten rid of me once my father left. She had considered taking me to an orphanage,” she said as her voice cracked. “Instead she kept me.”

“And you’re a financial burden to me?” he asked. Dev slowly shook his head. “Just how much money do you think you spend?”

“It’s not how much I spend. It’s how much I cost you. You could have ignored me and the baby. You married me because you felt like you should. And what did you get out of it? Your career still took a hit once you got married.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“You will one day.” If he didn’t care about it now, it was because he didn’t know how it felt to be at rock bottom. Soon he was going to resent the trouble she caused. Tina slowly rose from her seat. She couldn’t discuss this anymore. Maybe she was as fragile as Dev thought. She felt like she needed a few minutes alone.

“Excuse me, I need to find the restroom. No, no.” She held out her hand as he rose to escort her. “Don’t worry, I can find my way there myself.”

“I’ll get you a drink while you’re gone.”

“Thank you.” As she walked to the restroom she admitted to herself that she did feel a little wobbly. It might be the stiletto heels or that she needed to drink some water.

Stepping into the dark room with black sinks and counters, Tina glimpsed her reflection in the mirror. Just as she suspected, she looked like a wreck. With a heavy sigh, she combed down her spiky hair with her fingers and readjusted her dress. She stepped into one of the stalls and closed the door. Once she locked it, she rested her head against the cool metal and gave a deep sigh.

Tina frowned when she heard a group of women enter the restroom. She just wanted some peace. Wait until the ache eased in her chest and Dev’s words stopped swirling in her head. All she needed was a few moments to regroup before she returned to the party.

“Did you see Dev and Tina?”

Tina lifted her head. The unmistakable voice of Khushi, the playback singer, was coming from the direction of the mirrors.

“You’d think they were on their honeymoon,” Prisha complained. “I mean, come on. Get a room.”

Tina rolled her eyes at the choreographer’s comment. She was never demonstrative with Dev in public. The reason had more to do with a code of conduct for Bollywood stars than her private nature. One didn’t embrace, kiss or show any overt affection. She didn’t even graze lips with her costar on-screen because it would offend many moviegoers.

“From what I understand, the honeymoon will end in five weeks,” Khushi drawled. “And then they are getting a divorce.”

Tina skin went cold as the blood roared in her ears. Had she heard Khushi correctly? How had she known about the secret agreement she had with Dev?

“What?” Prisha screeched. “Where did you hear this?”

“Shreya.”

Tina exhaled as her hands began to shake. How did Shreya know? She must have heard a rumor, but there was only one source she could have got it from.

“What else did she tell you?” Prisha asked excitedly.

“Tina agreed to stay for two months and she will get to use Dev’s connections in return. I knew that woman had married him for her career. Didn’t I tell you?”

Tina closed her eyes as her stomach gave a violent twist. They knew everything. And there was only one way Shreya would have gotten this information. Dev had told Shreya everything.