Secrets of a Bollywood Marriage

CHAPTER FIVE


“DEV...I’M SO SORRY.” She flattened her hand against her chest. Her heart was pounding from the news. She felt shaky and off-balance. “I didn’t know.”

“It made the international news.”

She heard the disbelief in his tone. “I wasn’t following the news at that time,” Tina explained. She didn’t want to tell him that she’d had no access to the television or computer. No magazines or newspapers. The lack of media had been surprisingly helpful.

“The commemorations lasted for weeks. There’s going to be another one at an award ceremony soon.”

He probably thought she was heartless because she hadn’t rushed to his side. She hadn’t been there in his time of need. Dev didn’t rely on anyone but she knew he’d had a complicated relationship with his father. That would make the loss even harder to bear. “What happened?”

“He had a heart attack and died instantly,” Dev said.

Tina closed her eyes as the guilt slammed into her. “How is your mother doing?”

“She’s fine and back at work,” he said. Tina noticed how he spoke in short, choppy sentences. It was clear he didn’t want to talk about it. “She’s in London doing a movie.”

Tina stared at Dev with incomprehension. What was it with the Arjun family? They didn’t grieve or stumble; they kept working. They were like machines.

Or was this how Dev had learned to grieve? She had judged him for returning to work right away. For not showing his grief like she did. She didn’t consider that this was how he coped. Dev didn’t weep or stay in bed for days. He lost himself in his work. “She couldn’t possibly be fine. She was married to your father for over thirty years!”

“Despite the fact that my parents were one of Bollywood’s legendary lovers on film, their marriage wasn’t a love match. It was a business arrangement. They led separate lives and rarely stayed in the same house together.”

“Still...” she protested weakly. Tina had sensed that Gauri and her husband, Vikram, were more of a partnership than a couple. They had worked together to build the Arjun brand instead of the Arjun family. And yet they had managed to stay together. In contrast, Tina had been deeply in love with Dev and their marriage had fallen apart within a year.

“They were indifferent to each other,” Dev said. “My mother reacted to my father’s death as if he had been a colleague instead of a husband.”

Tina shook her head. Dev hadn’t been allowed to grieve with his mother. He hadn’t been able to turn to his wife in his hour of need. How did he manage to meet every challenge head-on without breaking? “Wait, this means that you’re in charge of Arjun Entertainment.”

Dev nodded and gave a quick glance at his watch. “And I’m very late for a meeting. I’ll have the driver take you home.”

“And this is why it’s so important to get the investors,” she said softly as she rose from her seat. “The industry isn’t too sure about having a daredevil in charge of one of the largest media companies.”

Dev cast a suspicious glance at her. “They will soon realize that they have no reason to be concerned.”

“As long as you can show that you have a stable family life.” The deal he had offered her suddenly made sense. “Kind of hard to do that with a missing wife. My sudden appearance has made things very easy for you.”

Dev reached out and curled his finger under her chin. Her skin tingled as he guided her to look directly at him. Dev was close—too close—as he leaned forward. His gaze dipped to her mouth and her lips stung with awareness.

“Whatever you’re planning,” he said softly. His gaze was focused on her mouth. “Don’t.”

She pursed her lips. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Remember the agreement,” he said as he dragged his thumb along the curve of her lip. “I want—I expect—a devoted wife.”

Tina frowned. Did he think she had the power to hurt him? That was laughable.

Dev’s harsh features darkened and he abruptly dropped his hand. “I have several meetings and I’m late. I will see you at home tonight. Be good.”

Maybe she was reading the signs incorrectly, Tina thought as she watched him walk away. She could have sworn she had seen the longing in his eyes and felt the tremor in his hand. Dev didn’t really want her as a wife, but he still desired her.


And after everything that had happened between them, Tina was ashamed that she still yearned for his touch. She hoped he would never figure that out. If that happened, she would be powerless against him.

* * *

“Dev? What are you doing here?”

Dev glanced up from his computer and saw Nikhil standing in the doorway to his office. He had just noticed that it was dark outside and the office suite was quiet. Everyone had gone home. “What are you talking about? This is my office now.”

He glanced around. He had always associated his father with this room. It was ostentatious with the oversize glass desk and the expensive gold conference table. The garish movie posters were splotches of color on the white walls.

“Tina returned home,” his friend reminded him as he stepped into the office. “You should be with her.”

Dev gestured at his computer screen. “I have work to do.” It was where he wanted to be. He was in charge. He knew what he was doing. This was the only place where he felt in control.

He was fighting back some very elemental feelings when he was with Tina. He couldn’t stop staring at her, remembering how she tasted and how she felt in his arms. He wanted to drag her to their bed and claim her in the most basic way.

But Tina didn’t want him. Didn’t want him anywhere near her. He had failed her and their baby and she didn’t want to be his wife anymore.

He felt his friend’s gaze on him. “What?” Dev asked sharply.

Nikhil hesitated for a moment before he strode to the desk. “I don’t know what happened between you and Tina.”

Dev tensed. If Nikhil noticed the cracks in his marriage, then the problems were so strong that he couldn’t hide it any longer. He was a fool to think he could salvage this marriage, but he wasn’t going to give up. Not yet.

“Nothing happened.” Dev gave a warning look but Nikhil ignored it.

“That’s not true. You’ve lost a baby. Your father. And pretty soon you’re going to lose a wife.”

Dev slowly rose from his seat. Nikhil was his friend but he had crossed a line. “You have no right—”

Nikhil crossed his arms. “Where did you and Tina go for your honeymoon?”

Dev frowned from the sudden change of topic. “We didn’t. I had to work on a movie.” It didn’t matter that they didn’t take time off to go on a honeymoon. When they were together, their surroundings had faded into the background.

“And where were you when Tina miscarried?” Nikhil asked.

Dev closed his eyes as the guilt swelled inside him. Tina had been alone and she hadn’t been able to reach him. She had tried to put on a brave face when he’d finally reached the hospital, but he had seen the tracks of tears on her cheeks and the despair in her eyes. “On the set.”

“Of another movie,” his friend added. “And where were you when Tina was recuperating?”

In another country. Dev slapped his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “She doesn’t need me hovering over her. She’s told me that.”

“And you agreed? That’s not like you, Dev.”

It wasn’t. Before they got married, he’d wanted to help her in every way he could. She had declined, obviously uncomfortable with his offers. Now he wondered if it had anything to do with him. Tina wasn’t used to having someone there for her. Someone who wanted to give without expecting anything in return.

“Nikhil, I don’t have time to argue about this. You may think that I’m ignoring Tina but I have been a good husband.”

“Seriously?” his friend said with a chuckle. “Dev, you’re a great actor. You’re a good friend and from what I’ve seen, a dutiful son. But when it comes to being a husband, you are the worst.”

Dev flinched. “That’s not true. I give her everything she needs.” His friend didn’t understand that his home was a battlefield. Tina had pushed him away every time he’d tried to take care of her.

But he hadn’t been enough for her. Dev looked down at his hands splayed on the glass desk. When he’d arrived at the hospital and found that Tina had miscarried, Dev had never felt so impotent, so afraid. He had watched Tina fall into a dark place where he had been unable to reach her. He could achieve anything when he set his mind to it, but he hadn’t been able to help Tina or save their baby.

Dev bent his head as he remembered one doctor asking about the support system Tina received at home. Dev had assured the doctor that he had provided Tina with everything she needed: the best medical care, a safe environment and servants at her beck and call.

But he had not been there. He loved Tina and had been excited about the baby, but he had felt as if nothing more should be expected from him. He had already gone beyond expectations by proposing marriage.

Dev glanced up to see Nikhil watching him with a knowing look. “Don’t you have somewhere else you need to be?” Dev asked.

Nikhil tilted his head. “Don’t you, yaar?”

* * *

Tina sat at her makeup table that evening and took another look at her closet. It was filled with her clothes, shoes and accessories. Untouched, as if waiting for her. Just like the small crystal figurine of a dancer she loved so much. It still sat on her bedside table, catching the light.

It was like that throughout the house. Tina had expected Dev would have thrown out her stuff or at least boxed it. She’d thought he would get rid of any reminder of her.

She looked down and stared at the bottles and pots on the makeup table. She reached for her new tube of lotion and dabbed a little on her wrist before smoothing it on her skin. Why had he kept her possessions in the house? Was it to prevent the servants from talking or was it simply that he didn’t notice them?

Or was it something much worse? All this time she thought Dev had been indifferent. Had she gotten it all wrong?

Tina jumped when Dev’s hand snaked around her as he reached for the tube of lotion.

“Dev!” She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. Dev stood behind her with a stern expression as he read the label on the tube. Her gaze traveled from his hair, damp from a shower, to the dark emotions swirling in his eyes. His golden skin captured her attention. She watched as a few water droplets meandered down his bare chest. Her gaze continued to travel down. Tina shifted in her seat as she noticed the way his blue drawstring pants hung low on his lean hips.

“Please give that back,” she said quietly as her cheeks became mottled with red. She couldn’t remember what the label explained. She hoped it didn’t give too much away.

“What is this for?”

Tina turned around and stood up. She took the lotion from his hands and set it on her table, desperately controlling the urge to hide it. “Does it matter?”

Dev placed his hands on his lean hips. “It might.”

His words set her on full alert and she gave him a cautious look from underneath her lashes. Was he fishing for information or did he know more than she realized? “The less you know about a woman’s beauty routine, the better.”

He snatched her hand and turned it over before she could protest. Pushing the sleeve of her white shalwar kameez, he exposed the slender welts that crisscrossed her wrist.

Tina curled her fingers into her palm but she couldn’t hide the marks from Dev. She never wanted him to see the scars. They were a symbol, a reminder, of what she had been capable of when she was at her weakest.

“I noticed the marks last night when you were sleeping.” He skimmed his fingertips along the ridges. “I never saw these because you hid them under your bangles.”

His gentle touch made her shiver. She stared at his large fingers against her small wrists. Compared to his strength, she seemed fragile. Her marred skin only emphasized his perfection.

She tried to pull away but Dev wouldn’t let her go. “I don’t...cut anymore,” she promised.

“When did you start?” he asked as he continued to caress her wrist. “And why did you do it in the first place?”

“When we were in Los Angeles,” she admitted. She wasn’t ready to explain why. She didn’t quite understand it herself. All she knew was that she had wanted to release the pain that had been howling inside her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Because she had been ashamed. Horrified. And yet she hadn’t been able to stop. She had felt compelled to hurt herself and watch the blood collect on her skin. “It looks bad now but I was recommended a cream that will make the scars fade.”

She felt the sudden, angry tension in his touch. “I’m not worried about the scars,” he said in a low hiss. “My concern is that you felt the need to hide this from me.”

Tina yanked from his grasp. “I don’t cut anymore,” she repeated and she heard the defensiveness in her voice. “They are old scars and they didn’t get infected.”

“The next time you feel like doing this, you tell me,” he ordered.

“There won’t be a next time,” she said as she walked away from him.

“How do you know?” he asked as he followed closely.

“Because I don’t feel the need to do it,” she explained as she entered the bedroom.

“That’s not enough of an answer for me,” Dev said. He cupped her shoulders with his large hands and turned her around so she had to face him. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”


Tina ignored the way his hands seemed to leave an imprint through her thin tunic. She refused to acknowledge how close he stood. “Don’t treat me as if I’m fragile. I can take care of myself and my family.”

“You don’t need to when I’m around,” he announced.

“Is that why you came home so early?”

He gestured at the clock next to the bed. “It’s almost midnight.”

“I know.” This was when the nightlife was starting and the ideal time for Dev as he tried to make deals and bring his colleagues to his club. “Everything okay at work?”

“I dropped out of my next movie,” he said, unable to meet her eyes, “and I’m taking a leave of absence.”

“What?” She snapped her jaw shut. “Why?”

He dropped his hands from her shoulders. “Because my devoted wife has returned home and I want to spend more time with my family.”

“That may be your press release,” she said as she marched to the side of her bed. “But what’s the real reason?”

“You had complained that I was never there in our marriage. Now you’re complaining that I’m taking time off to be with you?”

“I want to be left alone!” Tina grabbed her pillow and tossed it on the floor. “You became so overprotective after the miscarriage. I don’t want to live like that anymore!”

Dev wasn’t listening. “What are you doing?” he asked as he gestured at the floor.

She glanced at the white sheets and pillow on the floor. It wasn’t going to be as comfortable as the oversized bed, but she wasn’t going to get any rest if she slept next to Dev. “You made it clear that you wanted to sleep in the same room. I’m honoring my side of the bargain.”

“What is that?” he asked as he approached her side of the bed.

“Haven’t you seen this before? What am I saying?” she muttered. “You led a charmed life. This is a bed pallet.”

“No, that is a couple of sheets and a pillow on the floor.”

“In my family, it’s called a bed,” she explained patiently. “This is what I slept on all the time when I was a child.”

He swiped up the pillow and threw it back next to his. “This was not our agreement.”

She held up her hand to stop him from lecturing her. “You’re worried about the servants knowing. They won’t because it’s so easy to pick this up and—what is wrong with you?” she shrieked as he lifted her in his arms and dumped her onto the mattress.

“You will go to great lengths to stay out of my bed.” The anger vibrated in his low voice as he crawled onto the mattress and knelt between her sprawled legs. He planted his hands next to her shoulders before she could roll away. “Where was this reluctance when we met?”

She felt the blush crawl up from her chest and neck before it flooded her cheeks. “That was before I knew what kind of man you really are!” She should have known Dev would taunt her with her wanton behavior. Back then, she had been eager to discover a sensual paradise with Dev. She wished it was easier to resist him now, but she knew the pleasure she could find in his arms. It had been unlike anything she’d ever experienced and her body craved for his touch. Craved for him.

“Let me tell you what kind of man I am.” Dev’s voice was low and raspy as he leaned down until his face was right above hers. “I’m not known for my patience. I expect others to honor their word.”

“And yet you can break your promise with no consequences?” Like the pledge he’d made almost a year ago to love her. Be there for her.

“I am also a man who hasn’t slept with his wife for over four months.”

Her muscles locked and her chest squeezed violently when she saw the hard glint of lust in his eyes. “I’m not having sex with you. We—”

“What are you so afraid of?” he asked.

Her stomach twisted with dark excitement. She knew not to push the issue about sleeping in the same bed and yet she had been reckless. She needed to appear cold and disinterested. This was a man who had never wanted to be her husband. What self-respecting woman would tumble back into bed with a man who had been indifferent to her during their marriage?

“I’m not afraid.” Her voice sounded strangled in her tight throat.

“Liar. You’re afraid that you’ll submit to me. You’re afraid it won’t be long before you surrender. How little time it will take before I’m buried deep inside you.” His voice cracked as lust deepened the lines in his face. “Do you want to find out, jaan?”

Tina stared at him as the blood rushed through her veins. He surrounded her and she felt as jittery as a wild bird ready to escape from her cage. Dev always had this effect on her. She hated the power he had over her but at the same time she wanted it.

Her hands itched to explore his bare chest and his masculine scent was distracting. Her shalwar kameez offered little protection from his body heat. It suddenly felt scratchy and confining. She wanted it off. She wanted Dev to remove it, slowly, reverently, as he kissed the skin he revealed.

Dev stared into her eyes and his mouth lifted in a crooked smile. “I already know the answer, Tina. Do you?”