Secrets of a Bollywood Marriage

CHAPTER FOUR


TINA BRISTLED UNDER Dev’s question. She saw the disappointment in his eyes. He had no right to judge. She hadn’t been selfish or unkind. She needed to protect herself and she wasn’t going to feel guilty about her decision.

“My mother would insist that I stay married,” she explained as she crossed her arms.

Dev studied her. “So you disappeared?”

Tina felt a sharp twist in her chest. “I did what was best for me.” She wasn’t going to feel guilty. She had taken care of her family for as long as she could remember and this time she had to protect herself.

“By shutting everyone out,” Dev said with bitterness. “It’s what you do best. But I didn’t think you had it in you to turn your back on your family.”

Tina whipped her head around and glared at her husband. “I didn’t! You don’t know anything about my mother or my sisters.” She had made sure of that. She didn’t want Dev to see the family dynamics. He would notice how she was treated differently.

“I know your mother is confused and hurt by the silence she’s received for four months.”

Tina rubbed her hands over her face. The secrecy had been necessary. Her mother wouldn’t have been sympathetic. Reema Sharma was not just her mother, she was also her manager. It was not the ideal situation. For a while Tina had recognized that her mother’s advice was not based on what was best for Tina, but what was best to support the family.

“I’ve kept in contact,” she muttered.

Dev scoffed at her. “Paying their bills through your accountant is not staying—”

“How do you know about that?” She never discussed her salary and expenditures with Dev and she had been grateful that he had never asked. He was very traditional in his thinking that he would financially support her.

“When you first disappeared, I thought you would have returned to your mother’s house,” Dev said as he rose from his chair.

Tina groaned and rubbed her forehead. She tried to imagine the rich and sophisticated Dev Arjun visiting her mother’s home. She was certain the entire neighborhood would have been there to meet him. And knowing Reema, she had charged for tickets. “How much money did my family get out of you?”

“I was happy to help out,” Dev said with a shrug.

“You shouldn’t have done it. They are my responsibility,” Tina said. She hated how much her mother obsessed over money. Tina had been constantly told how much she had cost her mother—the dreams, the security, the husband. She knew she had been a burden on her mother and nothing she did would make up for it.

Dev glanced at his wristwatch. “We should leave for the studios,” he said. “I told your mother that we would be there at nine.”

Tina recognized the vintage timepiece. She had given it to him early in their affair when she had discovered he appreciated those works of art. Tina looked away as she remembered how she had teased him about his inability to be punctual when he had a collection of high-end and technology-advanced watches.

“My mother is peculiar that way.” Tina couldn’t shake off the dread that made her sag her shoulders and drag her feet. “When she says she’ll be somewhere at nine, she really means nine.”

“Let’s go meet them,” Dev said.

An hour later Tina sat rigidly next to her husband in the back of the luxury car. As the driver turned on a busy street, Tina clenched her hands into fists and bent her head. It had taken longer than usual for her to get ready. She was nervous about her first visit to Arjun Film Studios. He had not invited her before and Tina had been reluctant to drop by unannounced. She had always suspected he kept her away because she didn’t meet up to the Arjun high standards. She knew she had to look the part as the boss’s wife. Dressed in a bright yellow designer dress, stiletto heels and dark sunglasses, she looked like a Bollywood star. The ensemble was her armor, hiding her tension and uncertainty.

She glanced again at Dev. He was dressed casually in jeans and a black dress shirt. He didn’t have to try hard to look like a movie star. “You don’t have to be part of the reunion    ,” she muttered.

“Is there something I should know?” Dev asked as he scrolled through the messages on his phone. “Do you not get along with your family?”

“We’re fine.” The driver took a turn and Tina saw the sign for the Arjun Film Studios. She studied the large modern building. “This is your film studio?”

“It was built a couple of years ago to meet international standards,” Dev said proudly as Tina stared at the green landscape that surrounded the white building. The entrance was a tower of glass windows. “We have soundstages, recording studios and dance rehearsal halls under one roof.”


All the necessities to make a Bollywood hit, Tina thought dazedly as she continued to stare at the building. The music and dancing were required for every masala movie. Only when she worked on a movie, her dance rehearsals were done in crowded rooms or outside in the sweltering heat.

Tina noticed the buzz of activity when she walked in the lobby with Dev. Young men and women, dressed casually in a mix of tunic shirts and jeans, were rushing around. They carried papers, cell phones and small glass cups of tea. There was a sense of urgency and creativity in the atmosphere.

Tina spotted her mother sitting on the bright blue chair among the contemporary artwork depicting famous movie scenes. Tina was surprised that tears pricked her eyes when she saw Reema Sharma. Her mother’s long black braid was streaked liberally with gray hair and red henna. Her white embroidered dupatta slipped over her shoulders and her dark blue shalwar kameez strained against her voluptuous curves.

“Amma!” Tina said in greeting as she stood in front of her mother. Inhaling the floral scent that she always associated with the older woman, Tina bowed down and touched her mother’s foot with respect.

“I hate your hair,” Reema said as she pulled a spiky tuft. “What were you thinking? No one is going to hire you when you look like a boy.”

“She could never be confused for a boy,” Dev drawled as he greeted her mother.

Tina rose to her full height and glanced at Dev. She felt a pull deep in her belly when she saw the gleam of desire in his eyes. She blushed and hurriedly looked away. How could he look at her like that, when he had seen her at her very worst? No amount of makeup or gloss could erase those moments when her eyes had been dulled, her hair lank and her face colorless.

What was she thinking? She didn’t want Dev to desire her anymore. To look at her with such intensity that her stomach would clutch with anticipation. She needed to keep her distance.

“Would you like a tour?” Dev asked.

“Yes!” Reema said enthusiastically.

“Where are Rani and Meera?” Tina asked as they walked. She was very aware of Dev beside her. Tina didn’t like the way he towered over her. It made her feel small and delicate.

“I told your sisters that I needed to speak to you alone,” Reema said as she straightened her dupatta. “It’s a shame that they’re missing this. Do you think we’ll meet any stars?”

“They will be working,” Tina said. She didn’t point out that her sisters didn’t care about the Hindi film industry. They had other interests and goals, something her starstruck mother couldn’t understand.

“Yes, but we will be with the boss,” Reema reminded her. She glanced at Dev and then back at Tina. “We can always talk later, when we’re alone.”

“I’m her husband,” he reminded his mother-in-law. “You can say anything in front of me.”

That didn’t mean a lot to Reema Sharma. She wasn’t impressed with Dev’s good looks or his male charm. Tina couldn’t remember the last time her mother had said anything complimentary about a man. Her mother didn’t like, respect or trust men. Not since the day her husband had deserted her with three young daughters.

“Is everything all right?” Tina asked as they walked through the crowded corridor. When her mother wanted to talk, it was usually about money. Reema was always worried about when Tina was going to get her next role and her next paycheck.

“You tell me.” Her mother’s voice rose. “Where have you been?”

Tina pressed her lips together. She knew she couldn’t tell her mother. Couldn’t tell anyone. She glanced at Dev and fear pulsed through her veins in response to his intent look. It was as if he was waiting for her to reveal her deepest, darkest secrets. “I was in California.”

“Hollywood?” Reema’s eyes lit up. “Did you meet anyone famous? Anyone in the movie business?”

“There was a television director,” Tina said, remembering the anxious woman who chain-smoked and drank coffee constantly. “I had lunch with her several times.”

“That’s good!” her mother said as they walked past several offices. “Did she want to hire you?”

Tina shrugged. “There was some talk about it.” She didn’t think the director had been serious, which was fine for Tina. She couldn’t imagine moving away from Mumbai. It was her home.

“That’s it? One director?” Reema asked. “You were gone for so long.”

She decided to stick with Dev’s vague answer. “I was recuperating,” Tina said, ignoring Dev’s curious gaze.

“For four months?” Reema shook her head. “That’s not recuperating. That’s retiring.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she promised with a firm smile. “I’m back.”

“It matters,” her mother insisted and began to tick off a list with her fingers. “You haven’t worked for six months and no one is sending you scripts. Moviegoers have forgotten about you. Your fans turned against you once they decided you were the seductress who tricked Dev into marriage. And your endorsement deals are going to dry up the minute they see your hair.”

“I’ll find something.” Tina tried to sound positive but she was beginning to wonder if she had underestimated the challenges that lay ahead. She couldn’t show any concern, especially in front of Dev. If he knew how much she needed his Bollywood contacts, he could dangle the promise in front of her to make her behave for the next few months.

“Here is one of the makeup rooms,” Dev said as he guided through an open door. “We have over twenty of them for the main actors.”

Tina halted at the threshold while her mother investigated. She had never seen such a luxurious makeup room. It was colorful and cheerful, with red chairs and sofas, small tables and a day bed. This was where the actors went between breaks and it offered everything from a plasma television to a fully stocked refrigerator.

“Look, Tina!” Reema said as she stepped outside of the attached bathroom. “The sinks have hot and cold water.”

Dev frowned. “What do your makeup rooms usually look like, Tina?”

Tina hesitated to tell her husband. She was a working actress, not a star like him. She wasn’t offered these perks.

“Makeup rooms?” her mother said with a laugh. “She’s lucky if she gets to share a makeup room with the junior artists and backup dancers. Can we see one of the soundstages?”

“Of course,” Dev said as he guided them out. “We also have a gymnasium, lounge and executive dining room for the artists and senior technicians.”

“Ooh!” Reema clasped her hands. “Tina, one of these days you’ll have to take me into the dining room. I might see a Khan or a Kapoor.”

“I don’t think I will be allowed in,” Tina said. She understood the hierarchy in the Hindi film industry. “They are for the main actors.”

“You are married to an Arjun,” Dev said. “You will not eat with the production staff in the cafeteria or canteen.”

Tina flinched at Dev’s tone. It made it sound as if her hasty marriage had been her greatest career achievement. Didn’t he notice that she didn’t beg to work with him or use his name? She knew a lot of people thought she had trapped him into marriage out of ambition, but she didn’t want him to believe it. His opinion meant more than anyone’s.

“You need to get back to work right away. I knew getting pregnant was going to ruin your career.” Reema gave a huff of exasperation.

Tina squeezed her eyes shut. She remembered the argument she’d had with her mother when she announced she was pregnant. It had brought up some old secrets and fresh wounds. Tina had always known she wasn’t the son her father had wished for, but she didn’t know that her mother had seriously considered sending her to an orphanage when she was a child.

Her infant son had not been planned, but Tina never thought of it as an inconvenience. “I wanted the baby more than I wanted to be a Bollywood actress.” Her voice shook with emotion.

“And what happened? You lost both.” Reema tossed her hands up in the air in surrender.

Dev cupped his hand on Tina’s shoulder. This time her instinct wasn’t to shake him off. Her tense muscles began to relax under the comforting weight.

“You should have gone straight back to work. Dev did.” Reema gestured at him with reluctant admiration. “He didn’t miss a step. You, however, took a prolonged vacation.”

“I insisted that she take some time off,” Dev said.

Tina went very still. She wasn’t prepared for Dev to take the blame. She didn’t need his help. Not anymore.

Reema stopped in the middle of the busy corridor and her eyes widened with horror. “Why would you suggest that? Tina’s acting roles were getting smaller and her responsibilities to our family were getting bigger.”

“You remember what she was like after the miscarriage.” Dev’s voice grew colder. “She was grieving.”

“She would have snapped out of it sooner if she hadn’t taken an extended break from work. The gap between movies isn’t going to be easy to overcome,” Reema decided. “I knew she shouldn’t have married.”


Dev’s eyebrow rose from that statement. “What do you mean?”

“The moment an actress marries, her career is over. It wasn’t too long ago when an actress had to hide the fact that she was married.”

“Amma, please,” she whispered. She was used to these sweeping statements but she couldn’t withstand another fresh wave of guilt. She knew all about how her mother had had to give up her Bollywood dreams because she had gotten pregnant and had to marry.

“You can’t just take off work.” She turned to Dev and explained. “I have a family to clothe and feed. We need to pay for her sister Rani to complete her education. And her sister Meera is getting married to an engineer with a good family. I don’t need to tell you how important her dowry is.”

“And you expect Tina to pay for all of this?”

Tina felt Dev’s gaze on her and gave a nod. She was the oldest child and the duty to provide had been placed on her at a young age. Once she’d wished she could have gone to school with her sisters, but that had been a luxury she couldn’t afford.

“Of course,” Reema said. “I always knew Tina was our way of getting out of the slums. Considering all of the beauty pageants, talent shows and modeling assignments we went through, I had expected Tina to earn more by now. I admit she’s not a great actress, but plenty of Bollywood stars get by on their looks.”

“I will pay for her sister’s wedding,” Dev announced. “And her dowry.”

Dev’s words gave Tina a jolt and she stared at him. “What are you doing?” she whispered fiercely. “That’s not necessary.”

He ignored her as he spoke to her mother. “And if you need anything, anything at all, contact my assistant.”

“Why would you do that?” Reema asked as she gave him an assessing look. “This is between Tina and me.”

“I don’t want Tina under any stress,” he explained. “She’s recuperating.”

“Still?” Reema said in a squawk. She turned and looked at her daughter with disappointment. “Tina, I did not raise you to be so weak.”

Tina didn’t respond. She knew the hopelessness she had slipped into was not her fault, and yet, she wondered why she broke so easily. She knew how to fight and push through to get what she wanted. Nothing came easy for her. After the miscarriage, she had fought so hard to feel normal but it hadn’t worked.

“Tina is not weak,” Dev said in a growl. “She won’t let me take care of her, but I will take care of this.”

Reema pursed her lips as if she was weighing her options. “Thank you, Dev. It’s the least you could do since you kept Tina from working. I hope you won’t interfere with her career in the future.”

“Amma, you and my sisters are a priority,” she vowed. Her mother still wanted total control over her career and had been furious when Dev had taken over. But that was going to change. Tina needed to start the process of removing her mother as her manager and taking more responsibility in her career. “I can still take care of everyone.”

“From the looks of it, you can’t even take care of yourself.” Reema sighed. “And you need to do something about your appearance—”

“And here’s the soundstage,” Dev said as they approached the open elephant door. Tina heard the crew talking over the buzz of electrical tools and the pounding of hammers. She stepped inside and her mouth dropped open. The soundstage was huge but she was even more impressed with the electrical catwalks and lighting grids. Everything was top-of-the-line.

“Tina,” Reema said in a hushed whisper. “Do you feel that?”

Tina slowly nodded.

“Feel what?” Dev asked.

“The soundstage is air-conditioned.” Reema sighed. “Tina, you need to work for an Arjun Entertainment production.”

Never. She couldn’t be financially dependent on Dev. He was already too controlling, too powerful. “So I can work in air-conditioning?” she mused.

“Don’t forget the executive dining room,” Reema said. “And if you’re lucky, he might throw in a spot boy.”

Tina rolled her eyes. “I don’t need one.” She didn’t have a spot boy to hold an umbrella over her when it was raining or supply her with a steady stream of tea. She could take care of herself.

She glanced at Dev and tensed when she noticed his growing look of outrage. “Are you telling me that while you were pregnant, you didn’t have a place to rest, an air-conditioned soundstage or an assistant to look after you?”

“Of course not, Dev.” It was only then that she realized Dev had taken many of the perks he received for granted. “My name is not above the title in a movie.”

“I will not tolerate this!” Dev said in a growl. “From now on, I will make sure you have all the amenities you need when you are working.”

Reema smiled and linked her arm with his. “Now, Dev. This is something we can agree on. Let’s talk.”

* * *

An hour later, Dev sensed Tina leaning back in her seat as she surveyed the atrium of the Arjun Film Studios. She drank her rapidly cooling tea while he sat next to her, checking his emails. The atrium reminded him a lot of their courtyard and it seemed out of place in the modern studio building. It was cool and peaceful, especially now that Tina’s mother had left once she realized she wasn’t going to see any movie stars.

He knew Tina had been embarrassed when Reema had negotiated to have Dev’s driver take her home. She had made a production of how she would take the bus, or splurge and get a rickshaw. Tina had tried to stop it, but neither woman understood that he wouldn’t allow a female to travel alone. Tina would soon discover that her mother and sisters would have a full-time driver by the end of the day.

“Why are you playing the attentive brother-in-law all of a sudden?” Tina asked angrily. “What possessed you to offer to pay for my sister’s wedding?”

“I will take care of her expenses.” He didn’t know why this was an issue. He was wealthy and could afford it. “You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Tina crossed her arms and looked away. “Why would you do that? And don’t say it’s because she’s family because we know that’s not going to be true in two months,” Tina reminded him. “I don’t want to be indebted to you.”

The anger flared hot in his chest. “It’s not like that.” Why couldn’t she accept his help? What would it take for Tina to trust him again?

The cooing of a baby echoed in the atrium. Dev’s heart gave a vicious twist as he felt the color drain from his face. His gaze darted to Tina. The tension pulled at the corner of her mouth and she closed her eyes.

When was it going to stop hurting? Dev wondered. When would he stop bracing himself when he saw a baby on a TV commercial or when a stroller came near him like it was right now?

He saw Shanti, a famous Bollywood legend who had dominated the silver screen a decade ago, walk over to their table holding a bundle in her arms. The baby squealed as the chubby hands pumped with delight. Grief washed over him and he fought to breathe. He barely noticed the nanny following behind with a stroller, as his full attention was on the baby.

Normally he would have risen from his seat when a woman or an elder entered the room, but he couldn’t move. He knew Shanti had privately struggled with infertility for years while she played the motherly roles. She’d had her first child a few months ago and she wanted to share her joy with the world.

Dev flinched when he felt Tina’s hand on his. She gave his fingers a squeeze before she stood up and fixed a smile on her mouth.

“Shantiji!” Tina greeted the star as she rose from her seat. “Congratulations on your daughter. I’m so happy for you.”

Tina was shielding him. Taking charge until he was prepared. He should be the strong one, but this time Tina was looking out for him. It humbled him.

Shanti’s smile was radiant. “Thank you. I hope it’s all right that I brought Anjali here today,” she said as she watched Dev. “I have to go dub some of my dialogue but I couldn’t bring myself to leave her alone.”

“It’s not a problem,” he said gruffly as he forced himself to stand. His gaze collided with the baby’s big brown eyes. Anjali frowned and stuffed her fingers in her mouth.

“She’s beautiful,” Tina murmured.

“Would you like to hold her?” Shanti asked.

He felt the wave of tension crash through Tina. It mirrored his own. He knew his wife wanted to decline but she couldn’t find the words. Before he knew it, Shanti transferred Anjali into Tina’s arms.

Dev’s throat tightened as he saw Tina hold Anjali carefully in the crook of her arm. It shouldn’t hurt this much to see his wife hold a baby. Watching Tina blink back the tears shouldn’t make him feel weak and impotent.

Dev wrapped his arm around her waist as he inhaled the baby’s scent. It was agony. He wanted Tina to lean on him but she stood ramrod-straight. Together they could get through this.

Anjali’s mouth turned down. Dev had no doubt the baby felt their pain. Sensed the sadness they tried to hide. Suddenly the baby started to cry. The sound pierced through the quiet atrium.


Tina tried to soothe the girl but it only seemed to make the baby cry more. Her movements became more frantic. Dev rubbed Tina’s back, wishing he could stroke the tension from her body. If only he could make a joke or a lighthearted comment, but his mind was blank.

“I think she wants her mother,” Tina decided as she handed the infant back to Shanti. The movie star held her baby close and murmured a few words as the baby cried. Shanti reached into the stroller and pulled out a toy rattle.

Dev stiffened as he dropped his hand from Tina’s back. The brightly colored rattle was the same as the one he had bought in anticipation for their child. It had been the first toy of many.

The baby’s cries faded and Dev thought his knees were going to buckle. Tina reached for Dev’s hand and laced her fingers with his. She held on tight as she silently offered her support.

“I’m sorry about this,” Shanti said as she waved the rattle to distract her daughter. “Anjali is usually content and happy.”

Dev barely heard Tina’s response. He fought hard to hold back the dark emotions that threatened to consume him. It felt like an eternity before Shanti carried her baby out of the atrium. His shoulders sagged once the door clanged shut and the infant’s cries retreated.

“She shouldn’t have made you hold the baby,” Dev said in a low rasp as he gripped Tina’s hand harder.

“It’s all right.” Tina’s voice was soft as she returned to their table. “She wanted to share her happiness.”

Dev shook his head. He couldn’t forgive the other woman’s thoughtlessness. “Her daughter was due the same time as our son. Shanti knew this. She knew about the miscarriage.”

Tina didn’t look at him. “Maybe she thought we were over it.”

The words were like a punch in the chest. “Over it?” he said in a harsh whisper.

“Look at how our family acts about the miscarriage,” Tina pointed out as she sat back down in her chair. “My sisters never offered their condolences or visited me in the hospital. Your parents don’t speak about our son. It’s as if he has been forgotten.”

“I don’t want to forget our son.” Their son had never gotten a chance to be born but Dev would always love him.

“I’m not going to forget, either.” Tina’s hands fluttered against her eyes as she brushed away a wayward tear. “I want to honor him in some way.”

“We will,” Dev said hoarsely.

She gave a sharp nod and took a deep breath. Dev knew the signs. Tina didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He was tempted to keep talking, consider ways they could honor their son, but he knew he wasn’t feeling strong enough for the both of them.

“Until then,” she said briskly, “I need to find some work.”

Dev rubbed his hands over his face. He wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to work, and that she didn’t have to take the first role that was offered. But he knew whatever he said would be taken the wrong way.

Now he understood why Tina was driven to work. It wasn’t ambition; it was duty. She had taken whatever was offered and made the best out of it. And she would accept any role, any assignment, despite the fact that she wasn’t healthy enough to work. He had to keep that from happening since she wouldn’t take care of herself.

“You should take your time and consider your options,” he told Tina. “The pressure can be intense. I know what it’s like. I’m the only child and have to continue the Arjun dynasty. There was a great deal of pressure from my parents to perform to their expectations. If I had failed...” He shuddered at the thought of it.

“But you didn’t,” Tina argued. “You exceed expectations every time. Your parents have almost always been proud of you.”

Almost. He caught the word. His parents had not been happy with his choice of wife and they didn’t hide their opinion. No matter what she did or how she behaved, they disapproved of Tina.

“I’m surprised they weren’t at your party,” she muttered.

“You really don’t know, do you?” he said in a whisper.

Tina stiffened and turned sharply to meet his gaze. “Know what?”

He wasn’t sure if he should tell her. He may have decided he wasn’t going to treat her like a fading flower, but he wasn’t sure how Tina was going to handle the news. “My father died.”

Tina’s lips parted in shock. “How? When?”

“Four months ago.”

She slowly shook her head as if she was trying to make sense of it. “Four...” Tina closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “When?”

“The week after you walked out.”