Not a Chance (Sweet Nothings)

chapter EIGHTEEN



Arden glanced at the woman sitting next to her. Tonya really didn't have a care in the world. They drove down the highway toward Bixy and she just watched out the window like a happy puppy going for a ride. Travis had handed Arden more cash than could possibly be comfortable for him to lose. All he asked was that she try to get the most for her dollar...shop the sale racks whenever possible. He'd thanked her and waved as she drove off.

She didn't want to spend any of his money. She could get Tonya an entire wardrobe without approaching the spending limit on her credit card. But she was fairly certain if she'd offered, Travis wouldn't have taken it well.

They got to the mall and Arden walked around to help Tonya out of the car. It took her a couple of rocks back and forth to heft her large belly out and up, but she finally managed it. "Now if you get tired," Arden said, "you just say so and we'll take a break."

Tonya thanked her. They went first to the only maternity store in the mall. Tonya headed straight for the clothes in the window display, but Arden coaxed her over to the clearance racks. She was only going to be pregnant for another week or two. What she really needed were clothes for after the baby came. They walked out of the store with three maternity outfits and several pairs of stretchy pants and matching tops for after the baby was born. She also got some underwear and a couple of nightgowns for the hospital stay.

Arden didn't even want to think about what that was going to cost Travis. She highly doubted Tonya had insurance.

After the maternity store, they went to one of the department stores to buy some onesies and receiving blankets for the baby. Arden honestly couldn't think of what else would be needed, but she figured while Tonya was in the hospital she could come back and pick up anything they missed. Then she could give it to Tonya as a gift and save Travis some money.

They'd been shopping for two and a half hours and Tonya's pace had slowed considerably. They stopped and ate at an italian restaurant at the far end of the mall. Tonya looked around like she'd never been in such a fancy place. Arden would have considered this on a par with fast food. But even though Tonya seemed impress, she was still the most ungrateful person Arden had ever met. She never once asked who was paying for all of this stuff. She never once apologized for being such a burden to Travis. She just floated around on the sea of other people's generosity.

"So are you and Travis sleeping together?" Tonya asked all of a sudden, her mouth stuffed full of spaghetti.

Arden nibbled at her caesar salad. "No," she replied.

Tonya looked up at her, one brow lifted in skepticism. "Why are you taking me shopping, then?"

Arden struggled to keep her expression passive. "Because he's my friend."

Tonya scoffed. "So whose ring is that?" she asked, nodding to Arden's left hand.

"I'm engaged to Nick Wheeler. Do you know him?"

Tonya shook her head. "I know who is old man is, though. If Nick looks anything like him, you're a lucky woman."

"He does. And I am."

Tonya shoveled another forkful of pasta into her mouth. Her plate was nearly empty. Arden felt a sudden pang of compassion. This woman was starving.

"Do you want me to order more?" she asked.

"Maybe something different this time."

Arden signaled the nearest waitress and Tonya asked for chicken parmigiana.

"So how did you and Travis meet?" Tonya asked after the waitress had left.

"We were stranded together for a few days. I've only known him since last week." Wow, she thought. So short an acquaintance and yet it seemed like she'd known him forever. Like they were soul-mates.

Arden quashed the thought in an instant. It was ridiculous.

"Well," said Tonya, "you must have slept with him then. You can't spend that much time with Travis and not want to jump him."

Arden rolled her eyes. "I did not sleep with him. I'm engaged."

Tonya shrugged, although she clearly doubted Arden's word. Her dinner came and she went back to eating. Arden pushed her plate away and leaned back in the booth seat.

"Why did you leave him, anyway?" Arden asked, not caring whether the subject was sensitive or not.

Tonya didn't even look up. "I fell in love with someone else. Travis had changed. He wasn't the man I married. Which is actually probably a good thing because the man I married drank and got angry and fought all the time. Unfortunately, he just lost his sex appeal when he started getting himself straightened out. For me anyway."

If Travis had lost his sex appeal, Arden was glad she hadn't met him back then. He was damn near irresistible without it.

After they ate they did a little more shopping and then headed home. It was seven-thirty when Arden dropped Tonya off at Travis's house. She got out to help her carry her bags in and Travis greeted them at the door. Tonya waddled in and paused to take off her coat and shoes.

"Did you get everything you need?" Travis asked.

Tonya stood and stretched, putting her hands on her lower back. "Yeah. I need a hot bath."

Travis gestured toward the bathroom and Tonya disappeared down the hall.

Arden looked at him. "She's an ungrateful one, isn't she?" she said quietly.

Travis shrugged. "Did you get yourself anything?"

"Bought a new purse," she said, smiling.

"Did you need a new purse?"

Arden laughed. "No. But so what? I wanted one."

Travis frowned in thought and nodded. He glanced over his shoulder when he heard the bathroom door close and the water turn on. He turned back to Arden. "Thank you..."

Arden held up her hand. "Don't even worry about it. Shopping is like breathing to me. I was happy to do it."

"I don't like asking for help."

"No one does. But I want to help. She's going to be a handful. I wish she'd never come."

Travis grunted. "You and me both."

She smiled up at him, but he wasn't smiling. He was searching her eyes, her face. She bolstered herself, keeping her expression neutral. His gaze dropped to her lips and she could tell he wanted to kiss her. "I have to go, Travis."

He walked toward her, then, backing her against the wall. He put his hands on the wall on either side of her head. She wasn't scared. She was excited. But still she forced herself to stay strong. "Do you really not feel this, Arden? It's so real for me. Every moment of every day since we got back I've only wanted to be near you. How come you don't feel anything for me? How can this just be me?" His voice was husky, his expression desperate.

"I'm sorry, Travis. I have to go."

He grabbed her by the shoulders, not roughly, but firmly. "I can make you happy, Arden. I swear it. Just give me a chance."

"I'm already happy." Her voice wavered and she realized she had to leave or risk falling apart.

"Arden, please. I realize I'm begging, here, and it's gotta be the most pathetic thing you've ever seen. But I love you. I want you...so much. And sometimes I think I see something in your eyes, some indication that maybe you want me too. Just give me a chance, sweetheart. I'll do anything...anything to be with you."

Arden swallowed and felt tears stinging her eyes. She fought for control. "Anything?" she asked.

"Oh, God, Arden, anything."

She looked at him, so big and strong. She'd brought this powerful man to his knees without even trying. What could possibly be so wonderful about her that he would lower himself like this. She took in a breath and mentally cursed when it shuttered. "I want Tonya gone."

"What?"

"And you have to promise that Duane is out of your life, too."

Travis stared at her, confused. "You want me to put a pregnant woman out on the street?"

"Would you do it for me?"

Travis stared at her, looking hurt and desperate.

"And let's say things work out for us," Arden said. "If we get married, my father will want you to work for him at one of the banks. Would you do that for me? Would you give up the garage and put on that nice suit of yours every day and manage a bank?"

"Arden, I..."

"Because if you say yes to those things, I'm yours." She reached in her pocket for her cell phone and held it up. "I'll call Nick right now and break up with him. Then I'll spend the night here with you. Is it a deal?"

He dropped his hands from her shoulders and stepped back, shaking his head and looking sick to his stomach. "You're a bitch, you know that?" he said, his voice shaky.

She'd expected worse. "The reason I'm giving you this offer at all, Travis, is that I do have feelings for you. When you touch me I just get hot all over and can't think of anything but getting you alone and ripping all your clothes off. Actually," she looked away and laughed, "I had the most erotic dream about you last night. I think you and I would be amazing together. You make me happy in ways that Nick never can."

He looked even more disgusted than before, like he wanted to vomit.

"But the things I asked you for, the things Nick can give me--stability, money, peace of mind--those things are far more important to me than these feelings."

He shook his head. "Get out and leave me alone," he said.

She nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry to have hurt you. I just think we have to be realistic."

"Get out of my house, Arden!"

She jumped, startled that he would raise his voice to her. She turned and left without saying another word.

It occurred to her, going home, that that had been her first time in his house. It was a nice house. Not at all dumpy like she'd expected. His front porch looked new. It was covered and went almost the length of the house. She remembered it had smelled like vanilla in there and that she had seen a jar candle burning on the TV cabinet...one of those jar candles that the little Bible school kids sold to raise money for their class activities. She pictured some little girl in pigtails going up to the big, hulking Travis and asking if he wanted to buy a candle from her. She smiled at the thought.

Then a swell of emotion knotted up in her chest. She didn't want to cry and so she drove to Nick's house. At least there, she would be forced to hold herself together.





Dustin got home after a wonderful date with Emma. They'd gone to dinner and a movie and after that, back up to the lookout. He was finding it fairly easy to control himself around her. He just shut off that part of his brain that tended to fantasize about all the fun stuff he wanted to do to her. She let him hold her hand and put his arm over her shoulders. Even kiss her on the cheek. And all of those things were harmless. Maybe he would be able to handle this celibacy thing after all.

He went inside and found Tonya on the couch with her feet propped on the coffee table watching TV. Dustin sighed. They needed to get this woman out of their lives.

"Travis go to bed?" Dustin asked as he hung his coat on the hook by the door and slid his shoes off.

"No. Bathroom. Been in there for a really long time, though." Tonya kept her eyes trained on the television.

"How long?"

"'Bout an hour I guess."

"Shit," Dustin murmured. He racked his brain trying to remember if there was anything in there that could do any damage. No cough syrup or cold medicine. But there was rubbing alcohol. And mouthwash. Damn it, why was there mouthwash. Dustin kicked himself mentally for having been so lax lately.

He marched to the bathroom and pounded on the door. "Let me in, Travis!"

There was no answer.

He pounded harder. "Travis, open up or I'm breaking the door down."

The door swung open and Dustin found himself staring up into the angry eyes of his big brother. "There's another goddamn bathroom for Christ's sake," Travis growled.

Dustin shoved past him and went through the medicine cabinet. Everything seemed to be where it was supposed to. There were some household cleaners in the cabinet under the sink. Dustin opened it up and checked, relieved to find that everything was where it belonged.

"Are you ill?" Travis asked.

Dustin turned on him. "What were you doing in here for an hour?"

Travis stood staring at him with hate-filled eyes. He was in sweats and a wife-beater, his well-muscled arms flexed for a fight. "I wasn't in here for an hour. What's the problem, Dustin?"

Dustin searched his eyes and decided he was telling the truth.

"What did you think...I was gonna get drunk on...Lysol or something? Jesus!" Travis turned and shoved his hands in his hair.

"I didn't know what to think. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. Look, I appreciate the concern, Dustin. But you don't have to mother me anymore. I know it was rough in the beginning, but I'm five years sober in January. I think you can relax now." Travis went into his room.

Dustin followed and stood in the doorway. "What's wrong, Travis?"

He sat on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees. "Sometimes I feel real good about myself. Real happy with my life. And sometimes all I see is failure."

"You've been under a lot of stress with Duane and now Tonya being here. I know you gotta help her, Travis. And I know you gotta help Duane. It's just who you are. But you can't put the blame for their misfortunes on your own shoulders. Do what you can for them. And then you can sleep at night with a clear conscience."

"It's not that." He shook his head. "It's not entirely that. I do feel responsible. But I know how much work it's taken to pull myself up from rock bottom and I'm proud of that. And I think, maybe it's time I start seeing some rewards from it, you know? Maybe now I can find a nice woman and settle down and have a couple dozen kids and just sit back and enjoy life."

"This is the first time I've heard you mention wanting to settle down. I guess that has something to do with Miss High-and-Mighty."

"Why don't you like her?"

"Why don't..." Dustin stopped and took a breath. "She's selfish. She's spoiled. She's cruel. And she's clearly done a number on you. Frankly, Travis, if that's what this is about then I don't have the patience for it. You're too good for her. Quit mooning over her like a teenage boy and get on with your life. If you're going to put effort into a woman, you should work on Kristen."

Travis looked up at him and then back down. He nodded. "You're right."

"Damn right." Dustin turned and went to his room. Truth was, he was worried sick about Travis falling off the wagon. Maybe he was being unreasonable, but Travis was a major part of his life. Losing him to alcohol would be like losing him altogether. The thought terrified him. He went to bed but didn't fall asleep until he saw the light under Travis's door go out.