“Oh believe me, I could tell. There was something squirrely about him,” Uncle Drew says with a nod of his head.
“Wait a minute. You thought he was a squirrel? I thought he was supposed to be the Grim Reaper?” Aunt Jenny says in confusion.
Uncle Drew pats her hand. “No, baby. It’s just a figure of … never mind.”
“I still say he’s homeless. It’s a doggy-dog world out there. Poor guy was probably just trying to make some money,” Aunt Jenny adds.
Tyler looks at her in confusion. “Don’t you mean dog eat dog world?”
“Jenny lives in the puppies and rainbows part of the globe,” Aunt Claire says with a laugh.
“Is there really a place like that?” Aunt Jenny asks.
“He told me what his name was,” Josh says nonchalantly.
Uncle Drew looks across the table at Josh. “Dude, shut up. No he didn’t.”
“YOU shut up. He totally did,” Josh argues, looking over his shoulder, back into the woods with a nervous look taking over his face.
We all turn our heads and stare in silence toward the trail entrance.
“What did he tell you his name was?” Aunt Claire asks quietly.
Everyone leans closer to Josh, no one saying a word, waiting for him to speak.
“He said …”
Everyone holds their breath.
“His name …”
No one blinks.
“Was …”
My heart is beating out of my fucking chest and my knee is bouncing nervously under the table. I feel Gavin’s hand reach under the table and clutch my knee.
“Death,” Josh whispers seriously.
We all sit there staring at Josh with our mouths dropped, the silence permeating the air around us.
“Holy shit,” Uncle Drew whispers.
“I’m going to find security and tell them,” Dad says as he starts to get up from the bench.
“I’ll come with you,” Uncle Carter states, doing the same.
Josh scrambles off of the picnic table bench and starts laughing hysterically. “You guys are a bunch of sissies! He said his name is Bob and he was opposed to be dressed like a ghost but he got hot chocolate all over his costume and had to change!”
Everyone lets out the breaths they’d been holding as Josh continues to laugh and taunt everyone.
“Oh my God, we just got punked by a five-year-old,” Uncle Drew says with admiration in his voice.
Well, after this fun-filled evening, telling Gavin about Rocco should be no big deal.
“So, the plan is you’re going to just break up with me in front of Gavin? I don’t know if I like this,” Rocco complains as he stands in my living room.
“You will do it and you will like it, or I will never go shoe shopping with you ever again!” I threaten.
Rocco places his hand over his heart and pouts. “Now that’s just mean.”
I am such a chickenshit. I should have told him when we got back to his apartment after the Halloween walk last night. Instead, I dragged him into the shower and gave him a blow job. Blow jobs equal love, right?
My mom invited a few people over for dinner, so I figure this is the perfect time for a public break-up. I can just end things with Rocco, pretend like the list never happened, and we can all move on.
“Charlotte, your mom needs help in the kitchen,” my dad says as he walks into the living room. He stops when he sees Rocco and glares at him.
“Oh, no worries, Dad. I’d be glad to help Liz in the kitchen. I could even whip up a soufflé if there’s time,” Rocco tells him.
“Seriously, dial down the gay a notch,” I whisper.
“I mean, how ‘bout we grab us a few brewskies and see if there’s a fight on TV,” Rocco tells my dad in a deep voice.
“How about I give you a five second head start before I get my shotgun,” he replies.
“LIZ! Get your ass out here and help me carry these cupcakes,” Aunt Claire yells as she walks through the front door. “Oh … hi, guys. Jim, stop staring at that poor boy like you want to slit his throat. LIZ!”
Mom comes rushing into the living room, wiping her hands on a towel. “What the fuck is your problem? Stop shouting already. Rocco, when did you get here? What are you doing here? Why is he here?”
“I really think your family is going to be crushed when you break my heart,” Rocco whispers in my ear.
The front door opens again and in walk Uncle Carter and Gavin, both of them smiling and laughing until they see Rocco standing next to me.
Shit. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.
Rocco moves to stand behind me and clutches onto the back of my shirt. “Don’t let them hit me! I just had a facial!” he whispers frantically.
“What’s he doing here?” Gavin demands.
“Want to go help me clean my gun?” Dad asks him.
Aunt Claire smacks my dad on the arm.
Oh my God, Gavin looks pissed. He has every right to look pissed. I kind of sort of alluded to the fact that I was breaking up with Rocco a few weeks ago and haven’t mentioned him once since Gavin and I started fooling around. This is bad. Very bad.
I quickly turn around to face Rocco. “Rocco, I’m breaking up with you.”
“WHAT?! NOOOOOOOO!” Rocco screams. “Baby, please don’t leave me!”