“…you gone’ keep running like that daddy of yours. May even die a lonely death.” My grandfather’s wheezing laugh rang in my ear.
I have no fucking clue where the urge came from, all I felt was the need for him not to abandon me in my lowest state, in my darkest hour. I didn’t know how I would sift through this pain that I was feeling and needed help. I felt like I would somehow die if I didn’t sort through the barrage of emotions I was experiencing. In that very moment Azmir represented Michelle’s image for me. A light. I had to cling to what little I had of her left.
I shrieked in a desperate cry, “Azmir, please don’t leave me.” My world had collapsed. I swear, all of my hope and energy was depleted in that moment, vanished from my being. I had nothing left. Barely above a whimper I forced out, “I’m hurting so bad.” I choked out the words over my hard sobs. “I swear to fucking god, I’m gonna die in this shit, I swear!” I didn’t have enough oxygen to make all of my words audible.
But he heard my despairing appeal.
Azmir turned around and watched me buckle to the floor in the deepest sob. With eyes widened in regret, he grabbed me in a deep clinch and calmly whispered, “Let me take care of you. Hey...hey...hey! I’m not going anywhere.”
I bowed in his arms, paralyzed with pain, crushed in defeat. He held me for a while before carrying me over to the sofa. He allowed me a moment to let it all out. I’d wondered if he could sense that it had been pending for weeks. I cried until my body emptied of tears.
After a long space of silence he muttered, “What brought you here?”
I noticed him looking around the room. I had no guards up, I told him everything about my trip out there from my dad’s passing to my grandfather’s heeding and my mom’s condition. He sat and listened to it all in silence. In any other instance his silence would have bit at me but in this moment I was so low and in need to release it all, all those things that haunted me, had consumed me.
He remained quiet on me, his expression ran stoic. Insecurity finally peaked, I didn't know what to make of it. He sat in the chair across from me with his elbows on each armrest and his fingers tented, fiddling with his beautiful and well-groomed mouth, his eyes faced the floor.
All of a sudden he rose from the chair and commanded, “Let's go,” as he reached for my hand. Befuddled, I reached back.
As I stood bewildered I asked, “Where are we going?”
“I got us the presidential suite upstairs.”
“But wait. What about my room and my things? I've paid for this.” I was so confused at this point.
He ambled toward the door and without looking at me he replied, “I had your things taken up to the suite. I'll reimburse you for the room.”
Up in the presidential suite Azmir ran me a bath. He was still disconcertingly quiet and I couldn't get a take on why. I mean, I know I'd just unloaded on him but it felt like there was more going on. As I sat on the bed in the bedroom, he tossed the hotel's menu on the bed.
“After your bath we can order you something to eat.”
After informing me of that he went back in the bathroom to check on the water.
Seconds later, he called out that the bath was ready. Right after, he came back out into the room and gave me a tentative glare.
“What?” I whispered. He's too distant right now. What the hell is wrong with him?
He shook his head answering there was nothing wrong.
“Are you going to disrobe for your bath?” he asked too composed. Why is he rushing me to bathe?
“Is it just for me?” I was so thrown by his behavior. Where was he going with this?
“Do you want me to join you?” he asked with raised eyebrows, voice still calm.