“Rayna, I'm here. No more secrets. No more guards. All truths. Cards up. All trust...from here on out,” he proposed as he looked deep into my eyes. He was in search of my soul. His body was positioned so that his head was leveled down matching my height. His hands were gripped onto my shoulders.
My eyes were heavy, trying to make sense of what Azmir was asking of me. I don't think I'm capable of being much to anyone. I'm not even sure that I want anyone to trust me completely. But once again, I didn't want to disappoint the only person that was willing to take a chance on me. I'd lost my best friend...my sister.
“Deal?” Azmir implored again, only this time with more power behind his question. My throat constricted.
I nodded in agreement and succeeded in holding back the gallons of tears that were waiting to fall. I didn't know what was being asked of me but for the first time in my life I was willing to do what I had to do to meet a man's needs.
Could I be all he needed? Was I enough with all of my deficiencies?
~~~~~~~~~~
Azmir
I took in every word Rayna spoke to try to understand her. I figured she must be a sane case of bipolar because she definitely had her highs and lows. But once again, I saw the little insecure girl through her eyes. We spent the night there in the suite. The next morning I rose early to make arrangements for us to have a mini getaway in Atlantic City.
Rayna had a rental car that needed to be returned near the airport. I had my people ride with me to turn it in while she stayed back at the hotel. When I returned, I encountered a frail woman in the lobby. I only took notice of her because of her constant twitching. I slowed down to get a better look at her. She looked lost there in the atrium of the hotel. She eventually turned toward my direction. She had a look of confusion in her eyes.
“Pardon me. Are you looking for someone?”
“Umm…Umm…my daughter here somewhere but I can’t find nobody that work here to help me get at her,” she protested as she kept trying to adjust her jacket.
“Is your daughter, Rayna?”
I knew this was her mother. I saw so many similarities in her features. She had Rayna’s beautiful chestnut eyes and full lips. You could tell that at some point she had the same caramel complexion before her dope habit. She gave me a look of distrust.
“Who you?”' Samantha demanded with a bollixed expression.
I offered, “I’m a friend of hers.” But her facial muscles didn’t relax.
I reassured, “Rayna Brimm?”
After a long pause and deep gaze into my eyes she asked, “You her old man?”
I had to think about my answer. “I can take you to her so that you can talk to her,” I offered as a friendly gesture to gain her trust.
Her eyes widened. “Umm…umm…see, she said she gonna help me get this shit off my back. And I swear to god that I was gonna do it!” Samantha exclaimed, so embattled. “But I ain’t even gonna waste her time. I don’t want her to get mad at me. I ain’t seen her in so long. I ain’t wanna play her.” She was getting ready to tear up. I can tell she was earnest in not wanting to blow her opportunity.
“Just tell her I came through to say sorry and if she could come see me next time she come home. I’ll be ready then,” she continued with big and hopeful eyes.
I couldn’t let her just disappear like that…not considering my situation with my own mother, and the fact that Rayna needed family, she needed support. I chatted with her for a few. She was very forthcoming, but adamant about not bothering Rayna. I gave her a few dollars and my card so that she could contact Rayna when she was ready and got her a cab back home. I didn’t know what to make of our encounter so I decided not to tell Rayna about it.
When I got back up to the room Rayna was just getting out of the shower. I had coffee for her and asked was she hungry.
“Nah,” she sang. “I’m just drained. I feel weak and…just blue. I don’t think I’m ready to return to my reality either. I know people do it every day so I need to just man up and face the music,” she brooded pensively.